37M married for 7 years - no kids.
Met the AP (35F) on OkC 2 months ago.
We hit it off & things moved fast - we were meeting 1-3 times/week. My wife didn't suspect anything was amiss at this point.
Back to the AP - she had always used protection with her ex's. I asked if she wanted to try bareback & she agreed without hesitation & got on the pill - I am the first partner with whom she had bareback PIV sex, also the first who finished inside her. Unsure if this amounts to trust, but just mentioning for context.
She suggested a couples trip which ended up being a relationship killer.
We had fun in those 3 days, drinking out and a lot of physical intimacy.
No apparent red flags and I felt we were into each other. I did sense her pulling away during our return journey on the final day. Upon returning home, my wife confronted me in tears about whether I was having an affair.
She said she sensed something was off in the past month and asked to check my phone.
I always delete all casual chats/messages as a daily habit.
I convinced her it was all in her head and she apologised next morning for misunderstanding.
Concurrently, the AP went quiet and when asked what was up, she said she didn't feel good after the trip and wanted to talk.
We met for dinner yesterday & she said she wanted to end things, before we went any deeper. Her reasons were that she didn't feel right about us and as passionate as she should feel at this stage. We were amicable during the discussion - smiling and laughing.
I agreed to end it, and when she broached the subject of keeping in contact, I said we could whenever we were ready.
I feel terrible right now.
The outcome is a win-win on paper - my marriage is intact, likely AP didn't realize I was married.
What I feel for the AP can best be described as limerance.
I do miss her and was obviously more into her than vice-versa - NC is the way to go, and I will not initiate.
How do I heal and move forward?
And all of you are absolutely right - what I have done is despicable.
I need to be thankful for what I have and work on my marriage.
Women can sense things when it sint right for them. You may believe she wasn't aware of your marriage and she may not have known , however its likely that she felt you weren't always hers. I have been cheated on in the past n I was always able to feel the energy of another being had been introduced... inmay not have had proof but I always found out that I was right about me intuitions. You talk about how u are hurt but imagine how your wife and kids feel. You get into a deep connecting relationship with someone to the point where you're taking trips and u have the nerves to talk about your feelings? I find that extremely selfish. Figure out why u are ruining your family and willing to break the other girls heart (that would happen if she found out you are married ) n fix yourself. Do u even think about the repercussions of your actions? Not just divorce n breaking up your family but the mental harm you'd cause your kids and your wife- the insecurities you'd create. Im sorry but people like you don't deserve happiness... clearly you love yourself more than u could ever love another.
I couldn't agree more. I put my needs above the needs of the marriage and got involved in fantasy that would have crashed, sooner or later.
Thank you for the reality check.