Long time lurker, but first time poster.
37M married for 7 years - no kids.
Met the AP (35F) on OkC 2 months ago.
We hit it off & things moved fast - we were meeting 1-3 times/week. My wife didn't suspect anything was amiss at this point.
Back to the AP - she had always used protection with her ex's. I asked if she wanted to try bareback & she agreed without hesitation & got on the pill - I am the first partner with whom she had bareback PIV sex, also the first who finished inside her. Unsure if this amounts to trust, but just mentioning for context.
She suggested a couples trip which ended up being a relationship killer.
We had fun in those 3 days, drinking out and a lot of physical intimacy.
No apparent red flags and I felt we were into each other. I did sense her pulling away during our return journey on the final day. Upon returning home, my wife confronted me in tears about whether I was having an affair.
She said she sensed something was off in the past month and asked to check my phone.
I always delete all casual chats/messages as a daily habit.
I convinced her it was all in her head and she apologised next morning for misunderstanding.
Concurrently, the AP went quiet and when asked what was up, she said she didn't feel good after the trip and wanted to talk.
We met for dinner yesterday & she said she wanted to end things, before we went any deeper. Her reasons were that she didn't feel right about us and as passionate as she should feel at this stage. We were amicable during the discussion - smiling and laughing.
I agreed to end it, and when she broached the subject of keeping in contact, I said we could whenever we were ready.
I feel terrible right now.
The outcome is a win-win on paper - my marriage is intact, likely AP didn't realize I was married.
What I feel for the AP can best be described as limerance.
I do miss her and was obviously more into her than vice-versa - NC is the way to go, and I will not initiate.
How do I heal and move forward?
37M married for 7 years - no kids.
Met the AP (35F) on OkC 2 months ago.
We hit it off & things moved fast - we were meeting 1-3 times/week. My wife didn't suspect anything was amiss at this point.
Back to the AP - she had always used protection with her ex's. I asked if she wanted to try bareback & she agreed without hesitation & got on the pill - I am the first partner with whom she had bareback PIV sex, also the first who finished inside her. Unsure if this amounts to trust, but just mentioning for context.
She suggested a couples trip which ended up being a relationship killer.
We had fun in those 3 days, drinking out and a lot of physical intimacy.
No apparent red flags and I felt we were into each other. I did sense her pulling away during our return journey on the final day. Upon returning home, my wife confronted me in tears about whether I was having an affair.
She said she sensed something was off in the past month and asked to check my phone.
I always delete all casual chats/messages as a daily habit.
I convinced her it was all in her head and she apologised next morning for misunderstanding.
Concurrently, the AP went quiet and when asked what was up, she said she didn't feel good after the trip and wanted to talk.
We met for dinner yesterday & she said she wanted to end things, before we went any deeper. Her reasons were that she didn't feel right about us and as passionate as she should feel at this stage. We were amicable during the discussion - smiling and laughing.
I agreed to end it, and when she broached the subject of keeping in contact, I said we could whenever we were ready.
I feel terrible right now.
The outcome is a win-win on paper - my marriage is intact, likely AP didn't realize I was married.
What I feel for the AP can best be described as limerance.
I do miss her and was obviously more into her than vice-versa - NC is the way to go, and I will not initiate.
How do I heal and move forward?
Updates
+1 y
Update: I am very thankful for all the opinions.
And all of you are absolutely right - what I have done is despicable.
I need to be thankful for what I have and work on my marriage.
And all of you are absolutely right - what I have done is despicable.
I need to be thankful for what I have and work on my marriage.
