Internalizing cheating SO?

[Anonymous]

My ex girlfriend cheated on me and left me for someone else. It has completely floored me. I didn't even know their was an issue with our relationship. She said she had been feeling wries about it for a few weeks but she didn't say anything to me. Which hurts even more since we were always very big on communicating. All I'm doing is going through what I could have done better and what i should have done.

How do I keep from internalizing the break up and blaming myself completely for it?

[Anonymous]

Don't do that. If you were always big on communicating and never knew there was a problem... then there was no problem. She just found someone she thinks is better (grass is greener and all that). Sooner or later she'll see her mistake, and try to come back... don't do that, either. Just find a new chick and carry on because this one wasn't who you thought she was, and there's no use in mourning something that only existed in your head.

That whole "we've been having problems lately" or "I've been off about our relationship lately" stuff is just a cover for women treating men like cars.

[Asker]

That's what I kinda figure, unfortunately she traded up and I'm stuck in going back to used car lot. The worst part is all the rejection I get from women that I'm really not interested in all. I get to deal with this as she builds a relationship.

[kkirk4442]

It's normal to blame yourself for some of the reasons for a break up. The truth is, everybody makes mistakes in their relationship. It's not your fault that she decided to have an affair and leave you. Because someone betrays you, does not mean it was because you did something wrong, or that it was your fault. Give it time, and let yourself heal. You can determine to not let yourself dwell on the breakup, or on the reasons for it happening, or what your part was in it. Yes, of course deal with the feelings, but refuse to let yourself dwell on the topic. You have the power to turn your attention elsewhere when you start to obsess on it. Given time, it will get easier.

[Asker]

I'm tired of feeling like I have to make every judgment ment perfect otherwise women will leave me at the slightest mistake. As I watch others cheat and lie to there spouse and they are able to keep them.

The worst part is my ex has begged for me to stay as friends and gave me sob story that she has a hard time finding friends. I'm like friends don't screw friends over for a moment of grass is greener they work hard to help each other.

[perfectchaos]

It will be OK king. I know it sucks. Be with friends you can talk to and trust. You need someone you can vent to. I don't know why but that helps me from just blaming everything on myself.