If a violent ex wanted to see his son after 4 years, would you let them?

Question

DiegoO · Accepted Answer

Have you heard of a recent murder case in Tenerife, Spain? A little girl murdered by her own father. Her father and her younger sister are missing. The Spanish autorities believe he also killed his youngest daughter, although, they are not sure if he went suicidal or ran to a nearby country.

He had a shared custody with his ex (under no judicial terms). The day he went for his daughters, he then sail with them to the sea. From there on all of them went missing. The guy is blacklisted on the island by the police, because of his violent behavior (he was known for that).

According to several criminologist, it's certainly a case of vicarious violence.

Now answering your question. Someone who is abbusive to his partner will be with its child. Be careful.

📰Link of the News:
https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.majorcadailybulletin.com/news/international/2021/06/11/85263/mallorca-canary-islands-alleged-kidnap-murder-tenerife.html?espv=1

Mofunfour20 · Accepted Answer

4 years is a long time to still regard someone as violent if they haven't been in jail the whole time. Your question lacks context. Was he violent with the child or you? If he was violent with you then it makes sense as to why you wouldn't be able to cope with the fact that he could change. Its not about the relationship between you and him, think of the child. Its a no brainer if he didn't abuse the child. Let him see the child, why would you want to put your child through your own personal drama? Seems like you're withholding visitation out of sheer spite, people change

jennifer_bloom · Accepted Answer

I would not until he was at least 12 years old and than only allow zoom calls and phone calls. If the son asks, I would say he is mean to people and you want to protect him from bullies.

just_a_potato · Accepted Answer

Hell no, if he has a history of abuse AND he didn't bother to be around for the last 4 years he is going no where near MY baby. He better take me to court.

Avicenna · Answer

This is really a question for a family law attorney in your jurisdiction. That said, you haven't explained whether there is already a court order that covers visitation and custody. You also haven't explained what you mean by "violent". Violent toward whom and in what circumstances?

Dragonpurple · Answer

Around here there is always visitor rights, even with the most severe convictions.

One has to actually lose parental rights, or be allowed by the mother to sign them over voluntarily. Which also means no child support.

So long as someone has parental rights, you don't have a say in the matter or else you'll end up in court and be in contempt of court. Also be ordered to pay back their legal fees.

Answer your question depends on if legally required, if someone gave up their rights or had them terminated. I would not but if I was required to, I would have to.

MTC29 · Answer

In see that this is open to men (thank you for including those of us XY chromosomes ). If the man was granted visitation, it would have to be under the most strictly controlled circumstances. If he would not agree to those limitations, then there will be no chance of visitation.

ZackBan · Answer

If he is truly violent then no absolutely not. I have a cousin who had that problem with her husband (now ex) and he only brings problems whenever he's around.
However if he is allegedly violent (as in he's gone violent things but with a context like a fight where both of you got violent then yes it is his son after all

Andres77 · Answer

Has paternity been established and is he paying child support?
If not then you have no legal obligation to do anything.
If you're bearing the responsibility of raising this child and there are no legal documents tying the child to him... ignore his petty bs.
Don't ignore him if he's a threat. To you or the kid. Call the police, get a restraining order.
Sorry you have to deal with this shit.
Good luck.

Interstate · Answer

It all depends. Is he abusive towards the Son as well? Or just you? Has the Son been out of the picture because of Dad's behavior.

But even still, I would keep the Son away until the Father gets counseling, just because even if Dad is in good standing with the Son, he could SNAP and turn on him at any moment.

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

Violent against who?
You don't have the right to prevent him from seeing his own child unless he poses danger on his son's life!

What makes a woman have the right to keep the children with her or to prevent their father from seeing them?

Personally if i was in a situation where a woman can prevent me from seeing my own child, i'll make her regret it and she will wish if she didn't take such a stupid decision!

jshm2 · Answer

Surely you've taken a restraining order to prevent such?

ChrisMaster69 · Answer

Under very very controlled circumstances by the way I’m pretty good at digging holes and will have my rifle out of armoury in a week or so…. Just saying

pjf1958 · Answer

Thats tough! If he hasn't been abusive to his son then I would probably allow it. If he has shown any aberrant behavior in front of his son, and your son witnessed it , then no.

Somoneelse · Answer

Nope. if he insist, you should get to court and make sure he gets a No-Contact ruling. Which basically means when he (the ex) tries to get near him (the son) or contact him, he (the ex) can get arrested and put in jail.

snackthatsmilesback · Answer

Official/supervised only. If they seemed to be doing better then maybe visits with just me supervising and in public somewhere. I wouldn't let them alone with the kid though I don't think ever or at least until the kids like a teenager.

CrypticViper · Answer

Only if the visits are supervised visits i. e. a designated visitation facility,

Account · Answer

No. I wouldn't risk anyone being toxic and violent towards my kid. I would gather evidence that he is violent to get the law to my side.

Lliam · Answer

If he has no custodial rights, I'd say no.  A short visit in a supervised visitation facility, maybe.

crazy8000 · Answer

Depends on circumstances.
Unfortunately.
There I live is it mandatory with splitted custody unless something else ways into.
Even murderers have visor right unless the system consider it's harmful for the child.

Adam1978 · Answer

No he would have to go through the court system for that.

Nik1hil · Answer

Yes.. From a distance and in my presence while I have a couple of friends over at my place at that time..

Iron_Man · Answer

What if he is violent towards other people like bad street people but is real good with son and he pays child support?

IveGotNoName · Answer

I'd have to meet them prior, to see if they'd changed.

DJB72 · Answer

Definitely not alone. Only if a court forced the issue.

bowenw · Answer

No. I would speak to the lawyer that handled the divorce for guidance and/or the police.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

Nope, if he has a history of violence he could not be trusted

Anonymous · Answer

No - I’d advise against it — unless the court ordered you to, and it was an “in public” visitation with you there also.

I-C3_ME · Answer

If he's actually violent and hasn't changed much then no, but if people really want to then they can change but you always have to be conscious about it

BeMuse · Answer

It’s his kid. Flip that on his head, should he let you see your kids? What if he took them away from you and told you to go to hell. Would you think he was a good person? What does that make you?

MannMitAntworten · Answer

Yes, but the visitation would need to be supervised.

OddBeMe · Answer

No. But the courts should be arbiters. If he’s seeking visitation he’d have to pay more. So that might make him call it all off.

Anonymous · Answer

Hell No, He can't be trusted to play nice, More then likely he will take his anger out on the child.

DeltaCharlieEcho · Answer

The key words here are “His Son” if you haven’t let him see his son, you should not have primary custody nor should you have rights.

Pterodon · Answer

Did you ever get court ordered visitation? Did you get court ordered child support?

Anonymous · Answer

Under supervision at most. If he kicks off, use the opportunity to impose more sanctions

haooy · Answer

Wait for him with my shotgun loaded. Just kidding. Maybe he has changed, maybe he is a better person now, go meet with him in person and then decide.

Jxrdyn_13 · Answer

Get a background check, dont leave them alone together. Have a person of authority in presence while attending to the child

sarahlumpkin · Answer

You may have to defy a court order.

loveslongnails · Answer

Only if required by the courts. Otherwise, what's the point?

loves2learn · Answer

HELL FUCKING NO. MY KIDS COME FIRST.

Tiptoetamm · Answer

Maybe supervised visits at best

Shihab91 · Answer

Possible if i felt they have changed and i can see them in case i had to protect my son then yeah its ok

DarcRefractions · Answer

what does the state say

AmeerX · Answer

Yeah she can see but I will kick her if she is cheeky with me. Better yet she can keep him but no child support 😡

intimidatingwoman · Answer

I’d let him because our son wants to see him, but I won’t ever make amends ever! That is if I had a relationship.

msc545 · Answer

You have to, but you can probably get a court to order supervised visitation.

Agape93 · Answer

Nope, son or not, I’ll kill them.

Finchie40 · Answer

Only with Supervised visits

Dinklex3 · Answer

With supervision.  🙄

JosyJosy · Answer

Yeps, under supervision

EaterPeter · Answer

Only if it is court ordered.

Not_Average · Answer

Circumstantial. People are capable of change.

siseñor · Answer

ask his son if he'd like to

KatherineJ · Answer

Supervised visits? Maybe.

Paulychicago10 · Answer

Only if the court says so

Anonymous · Answer

Yeah, with supervision in a public setting.

Naydyonov · Answer

Probably not! = Fucking no!

KrakenAttackin · Answer

That's up to the courts.

shouldnobetter · Answer

Only under supervision.

Shannon1988 · Answer

No. Not alone. If supervised, maybe.

Dinosaursandanime65 · Answer

Only if it’s enforced by law

Pogi-Paddy-2 · Answer

Supervised visits or no visits period.

Gwenhwyfar · Answer

No..

If a violent ex wanted to see his son after 4 years, would you let them?

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