Would it be wrong for a guy to leave his girlfriend after an abortion?

[Anonymous]

Assuming there was no pressure from him before and he didn't threaten to leave, is it wrong for him to end the relationship over that?

Yes

No

[meetkitty123]

Well as long as he didn't lead her to believe all was well and he wasn't bother by the decision. It would suck if the man behaved as if they would stay together and have children later when the time was right.
I believe women should have a right to decide what is best for them... However I am not naive to say that all men don't care or all men don't have an emotional connection to the fetus. To some men the loss of the child can be devastating.
It's a terrible situation when the girl wants to terminate and the man wants to keep or vice versa
If the man becaming threatening towards to women decision (whether she's keeping it and he doesn't want it or she terminating and he against it) threatening is not acceptable.
Both people should respectfully express their emotions. And if an abortion is a deal breaker then it should be respectfully said. "I'm sorry but an abortion will be the end of us. I cannot continue in this relationship after such a thing. It would be too crushing or heartbreaking to me"... Simple and not threatening.
Anyways if the man was upfront with his distress over having an abortion and he is so hurt by it then he should leave if he wants to.
And as I think about it I suppose he could have a sudden change of heart... Perhaps he thought he wouldn't be so affected by the decision perhaps a sudden wave of guilt or grief comes over him... If he can't cope with the loss and needs to break up then he should do so.

Bottom line some MEN are more sensitive to pregnancies and can feel the loss and they will then grieve... And sometimes they can't get over it. My goodness perhaps it's a misconception but MEN AREN'T HEARTLESS TO THESE THINGS!

[ludorock]

I'd say no, but there are a few qualifications to that -

If you were the person that got her pregnant then you need to make sure that she's okay, and that you're there to support her because you're in this also. If that means you break up but remain friends for at least until the both of you are healing (if healing is needed) then that's what needs to happen. But there are always two people involved in accidental pregnancy, and both people need to take responsibility. Her way was realizing she couldn't go through with it for any number of reasons, his way is helping her through that.

Now if her boyfriend doesn't agree with that choice? That's a different conversation, but ultimately it's her choice, she is the one that needs to change her life, and possibly lose everything (school, job, family, etc...). There's only so much a partner can do to support her, so it's up to her. Being present with her through the process is common decency, even if he doesn't agree because it's also his fault that this accident happened.

However, that doesn't mean they need to stay together. Values are values, and we need to take accountability for our mistakes, but we don't need to stick around if it violates something important to us. So if after that they break up? No problem with that, it happens.

TLDR: It's not about IF they break up, it's about HOW it all goes down.

[Miristheiss]

First let me take issue with your wording.

"Wrong"

Anyone can break up with anyone at any time over anything they want. It is your own life. You are not obligated to stay with another person... outside of marriage. Breaking up with someone isn't wrong.

It is wrong to beat up your girlfriend, it is wrong to steal from them, it is wrong to cheat on them to lie to them... etc.
It isn't wrong to end a relationship.

The same with abortion. If the guy feels she just killed his little boy or daughter, he was ready to be dad and teach them to ride a bike and play catch, camp out in the back yard, help with homework, take on trips, walk down the isle one day and she killed them. I wouldn't blame him for hating her and despising her. Of course breaking up is fine. No one is obligated to keep another person in their life if they don't want them there.

[Aethereal]

It is wrong if they talked about this in the past and he didn't give her an impression that it was something he had strong thoughts about. If his girlfriend mentioned to him at some point that she doesn't want kids, or is pro-choice, and he made no comment or argument against her position (and stayed in the relationship), it sort of looks like he deceived her into thinking they were on a similar page when they weren't. That is wrong.

Of course it's not wrong if he didn't know she was pro-choice. However both of them would be idiots for not having discussed this very important topic before sleeping together.

[OlderAndWiser]

What makes you conclude that you should leave her?

[t-8900]

A woman who is willing to have an abortion is not a woman I can trust around my own children. Yes I would leave her, without hesitation. That's my biggest hardline stance. Also it probably wouldn't get that far if I asked her if she thought divorce was okay or valid. As a Christian the only ways you can divorce would be through infidelity, being beaten, or having your life threatened. Being "unhappy" is not a valid reason. A couple should be openly communicating and working things out. Relationships are work, not a picnic.

[Smoke-n-Growls]

No, it's very alright to leave for that reason.

Now, ideally, this topic will come up before - you should talk to your girlfriend about whether or not you both want children, what will you do for safe sex, and what happens if she does get pregnant despite safe sex.

It's good to know these things in advance. And if the person you're talking to (or you, yourself) can't handle that sorta conversation, then it's a big ass red flag.

But if you two have differing opinions on abortion, I'd say that's fair enough to leave for someone else who shares your views.

Personally, I'm pro-choice and support abortion. But I wouldn't want to subject a pro-life partner to life with me - it wouldn't be fair to them, or to me.

[BCA6010]

If she had done that without telling him her intentions first, or worse yet never even telling him she was pregnant in the first place, I can't think of many better reasons to go scorched earth on a girlfriend... That is a massive betrayal, probably worse than serial cheating.

Now if the guy had brushed it all off, told her it's fine or that's what he wanted too, then turned around and dumped her after the fact citing it as his reasoning, then he's either a total spineless sh*thead, or he's using it as an excuse when in reality he was probably already seeing someone else.

[KrisPW]

Are we talking about aborting their baby together? or because she had an abortion in the past? Either way, his beliefs in the matter are worthy of consideration and he can choose to leave or stay based on those beliefs.

[ludorock]

Oh, good clarifying question, I didn't even think of that, and this is a great take.

[TwinTonyz]

If women have the right to abort their pregnancy, I'm pretty sure men have the right to abort their relationship. Unilaterally it will be considered wrong but most things men do in relationships is 'wrong'. I'd say it's wrong for women who side against him to blackmail him back into the relationship, but hey, I'm just a guy.

[Interstate]

I would feel disrespected. The general attitude from most Women is that just because she is the pregnant one, it's HER decision. BULLSHIT!!! That is a selfish attitude. The fact of the matter (and a said this in a recent post), is that NOBODY and I DO mean NOBODY has the right to end a human life. Except for God himself.

[ChrisMaster69]

No it’s no wrong it’s his choice.

any side can end it at anytime.

Context is also important,

as @KrisPW said, is this an historical one he found out about?

Also if it was for medical reasons where the consultant basically recommends due to issues found during scans, checks.

[slatyb]

Wrong? Relationships are voluntary. Either person can leave at any time. Sometimes people stay in a relationship because they are avoiding the drama of a breakup, and they are Saturdays of being alone. Then things get real and they realize that do not want to spend a life with their current partner and they take action.

[kyleelyn199723]

It’s definitely not wrong. Going through an abortion is a mental health situation because you are essentially killing a human being whether you want to admit it or not so it’s pretty understanding how someone’s mind can change because of that.

[Anonymous]

It's not about wrong and right. If the relationship has been irrevocably damaged by this action, he needs to be honest with himself and honest with her. Either he and she can continue, or they cannot. Some things go beyond fault and we learn new things about ourselves.

[MissRomantic]

It’s not wrong in general because a guy can have certain values against abortions so if he’d rather be with a woman that shares his values, it’s not wrong. Think of it as a dating preference.

[InferiorElegy]

Look her body her choice but if he found out there was a chance he could've been a father and he wanted that choice, it's his right to leave.

If he feels like there was no discussion on the matter it's his right to leave.

If he finds out afterwards because the female went and did it with out him knowing, it is his right to leave.

It might be your body your choice, an that's fine but it's also his choice wether he wants to continue with you or not.

[Mofunfour20]

If id feel guilty... That only implies low self respect. If she kills a child you're willing to provide for its murder. Wtf? She already decided to have sex with you. I'd be cool with 20 kids. Get money

[pleasestopthis]

No, it's very justified if you disagree on something so important. Especially if she gets an abortion without taking his opinion into consideration.

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure what you mean by "assuming there was no pressure from him before and he didn't threaten to leave".

If you mean that you told her before she decided to have an abortion that you were OK with it, then yes, it's wrong.

But if you didn't want her to have an abortion and you expressed that to her beforehand, then it's totally fine for you to dump her. She killed your child against your wishes, and that would really piss me off.

[molonski2]

Not if she herself had taken on ownership of the circumstance and aborted his child !
Stand up to get rid of her IMMEDIATELY , cut clean the dead wood , disgraceful action.

[mistixs]

Not wrong. If a couple doesn't agree on what they should do if a pregnancy happens then they're not right for each other.

[K-I-S-S]

No need to stay together if one of you doesn't want it. Nothing good would come from it anyway.

Just do it with some class and be a little considerate with her, for a lot of women it is a bit traumatizing, having an abortion.

[Sincerly_KittyCat]

Its not wrong for him to leave. If he didn't agree with it or it doesn't go well with his core beliefs he has EVERY right to leave.