He gave me an STD and shut me out (what do I do)?

[demurefaithe]

A college tragedy

A little background. I had been dating him for what would've been a year this month, everything was fine until during summer break there was a shift. He got sick and wouldn't tell me his blood work results.. only that he was fine and he joked about having HIV. So I brushed it off, but he stopped having sex with me, would never kiss me unless I initiated it, didn't say I love you anymore and always was down or angry. When I confronted him and said id be there he caved in and said he had something important to tell me but never did. He became cold and I figured he didn't love me anymore, so I broke it off a few months later, but remained friends (even though he flirted occasionally).

Now I became sick, similar to what he experienced, I got bloodwork done and came back positive for HSV2 (genital herpes). When I asked for his test results to finalize/confirm he denied me and made a huge deal. I had to reach out to his mother, which angered him but he said he'd get the test done. Maybe I shouldn't have done that, but he's unfollowed me on everything and is extremely calm over the situation (posting pictures/videos of himself in the past, saying he doesn't hate me but it feels like it, etc).

It hurts because I never wanted this to happen.. no one would, I enjoyed our relationship enough not to delete him from it like he's doing me. I miss him and I don't know what to do, this was the longest and most compatible relationship I've ever had. I already explained if its true he could've just told me and we'd never had such a hard time... but I haven't heard anything from him since my last appointment he told me to inform him about. I don't know what to do, I messed up.

What do I do? And why is he acting this way (from your experience and perspective)?

[girlygirly2k]

I was diagnosed with herpes at 17. My first boyfriend cheated on me and lied about getting tested. But I’ve lived with it for 4 years now. I want you to realize you aren’t alone and you deserved better. Block him. Like you, all I wanted was to talk. I felt alone and scared. This guy is a piece of crap for not telling you. Your man should prioritize you and your mental/physical health. You are worth more. Second, I want to tell you how insignificant this is. It’s going to get sciency. There’s a 2% chance your partner could get it as long as you take Valtrex daily and use a condom. Valtrex is awesome and reduces the viral load in your body. Cool, right? I’ve taken it for 4 years and never had a second outbreak- you heard that right, in four years, I only had that one outbreak. Your life isn’t over. I’ve had two boyfriends since. I’ve had a few hookup buddies- I told them beforehand and explained the medical statistics, and they said, okay who cares? I got a condom, let’s get to it! FOUR of my best girl friends have it as well- it truly is that common. And guess what? We all take our meds, explain the science to the boys, and all of my girl friends have gotten incredible boyfriends since. Finally, I want you to realize where the stigma comes from. Decades ago, people got herpes and it was so insignificant that no one cared enough to get tested or worry. Well, a medical company realized they could profit by making it a huge deal. Their strategy: worry the public about those little cold sores and strike fear into everyone so that they could sell a treatment. Google it for the details- truly crazy how the stigma came to be. Ever wonder why they don’t test for HSV on a routine STD screening? Because it isn’t life threatening and causes emotional distress over something so common. Sorry for the long post, but I wish at 17 someone would’ve explained this to me all together <3 oh wait last thing that is great to know- anyone with a cold sore on their face? They have herpes. While type 1 (HSV1) was usually found on the mouth and type 2 (HSV2) down there, nowadays people get them interchangeably likely because oral sex is so popular. I often tell guys this: I’m a safer bet than someone who doesn’t know what they have, or who gets cold sores (aka fever blisters) on their mouth and doesn’t take meds. Also, if someone gets cold sores on their mouth which 80 percent of our population does, they are far less likely to contract hsv in a different location because it is already in their body. You got this girl.

[demurefaithe]

thank you so much! This really helps, bless you!!! <3

[Anonymous]

I don’t think there’s anything to do.
I would be pissed in your situation because I’m 19, I have fucking herpes, and single… It seems like a man repellent. I would try to continue dating him if anything because then you two wouldn’t have to worry about spreading it to other people.

[demurefaithe]

i haven't heard anything from him and he unfollowed me on everything... i don't want to bother or even suggest that. Also I'm not sure if I have it yet, Im waiting on confirmation

[Opinion Owner]

How long has it been? I think he’s just frustrated about the entire situation because STDs are viewed as life-ruining for some people. I would wonder how he contracted herpes though…? Did he cheat? Either way, I think it is something you need to talk about together. Even if it means contacting his mother again.

[demurefaithe]

since we talked, Thursday he just said he'd go home to get tested. I found everything out on the 14th. He hasn't confirmed or denied cheating which kind of frustrates me, even though he unfollowed me on everything I'm not blocked from texting or calling him.. just don't want someone I love to hate me or be bothered, I don't see how I did anything wrong

[Anonymous]

He probably feels bad, or ashamed. Give him a few days. Then reach out to him, tell him to meet you for lunch or at a park. Explain to him, that you two, are in this together.

[demurefaithe]

i was thinking on waiting on my confirmation results and then asking if I could just talk on the phone. Im kinda still grieving about how sudden things changed and I don't want to just get ultimately rejected even when ik its not my fault.

[Opinion Owner]

It's been almost a year, you've been dating. Your relationship should be stronger than, that. You can't have the feeling of rejection for something that you didn't do; and also with someone you have a long relationship with. If this was a friendship, then I'd get it.

[demurefaithe]

yea i mean i'd hope, but if that's the case why'd he unfollow me off everything

[Opinion Owner]

It could have been on impulse. Nothing to take seriously

[Anonymous]

I think you should be more concerned about having herpes. Also the question from where be contracted it

[demurefaithe]

how do i become concerned? I dont feel anything painfully and I already know its no cure. I doubt he'll admit to anything pretty sure he just didn't know

[Luckycharms12]

Guess felt ashamed