Did I really mess things up with my ex and lose all respect?

[cato4796]

My ex and I were are in a weird spot 1 week out from an amicable breakup (i agree with the breakup but feel if the issues I brought to the table could be resolved I would try again). Until today things were on extremely good terms, to the point she had said more or less said she was still in love with me which I didn't think was the case immediately after the breakup.

Yesterday I sent her a message that looked like it was meant to go to someone else and said i sent it her by accident - after meeting with my therapist I realize this was highly manipulative. I think I just was trying to have an excuse to start a conversation. I can be very impulsive. I happened to send something I actually was going to send someone else and she asked if the message was referring to her and I said yes. Anyways we talked and It was kind of pointless and confusing and left a bad impression. She then asked me later that night if I sent it on purpose and I lied then called her and said I did after she said she trusted me. Then we talked for a bit and I impulsively said I loved you, cursed and hung up the phone when saying goodbye. I texted, sorry bad habit. But never got a response

I feel like I need some indefinite no contact and don't know how when I know her number by heart. I feel like a fucking moron and like I undid all the goodwill from how mature I had been previously (something she commented on earlier). Did I lose all respect from her?

Edit: I also want to add, any advice on how to regulate emotions and acting impulsively would be appreciated. And also should I apologize? After giving space of course, or just let it lie and not do it again

[Smoke-n-Growls]

These are all good questions - and best suited for your therapist.

Make several appointments. When I separated from my first ex, I was in therapy every week for a month, every other week for two, and then once a month for half a year. I needed that much time and support.

Make a bunch of appointments, pull up this message, and go through it all.

To answer your question: yes, you've likely lost her respect and her trust. That's just the consequence of your actions.

You have a long road ahead, but you seem committed to getting help and learning. I think you can certainly change for the better if you keep this up.

Emotional regulation is a skill and the reality is that not everyone learns it growing up. But it's learnable and you're well on your way. Keep up the work!

[cato4796]

Well I ended up apologizing- I have Adhd and OCD and had prevuous said I wanted space from her because I was anxious about certain behaviors when I go through breakups and we talked about it. She was pretty understanding and I mentioned this impulsivity as being part of that. Hopefully that will help

[Smoke-n-Growls]

Talk to a therapist. There's no shame in needing a guide through life and your own emotions.

Managing your anxiety and OCD will become much easier with the help of a professional.

I've struggled with anxiety for my whole life and 6 years of therapy have greatly helped me to become healthier and happier in life.

Go to therapy.

[cato4796]

I have a therapist! We met yesterday

[Smoke-n-Growls]

Excellent! Make sure you keep it up. It's an ongoing process

[cato4796]

Quick update- she said she's trying to be understanding but that its hard since my original text made her very nervous. I may be fine if i just give some space

[sheikalana]

Ugh that was so unnecessary. I understand break ups can be really hard been there done that but trust me time heals everything. You both need space and time to heal after a break up. I'd say give her as much space as possible weeks or even months. Stay away from each other for some time and let things cool off focus on yourself and focus on other things. If you guys are meant to be you will end up together sooner or later but do not rush anything.

[cato4796]

I reached out and sort of explained how breakups are really triggering for my OCD and I get wuerd. She said she's trying to be understanding but that its hard since my original text made her very nervous. I may be fine if i just give some space

[Vegasrunner]

This is exactly why so many guys your age are virgins you've made so many mistakes that it's difficult to know where to start. First of all you're lying it wasn't amicable, she broke up w/ you. Second your accident message strategy makes you look like a beta in so many ways. Third and most importantly THE PHONE IS FOR SETTING DATES you should not be trying to resolve your issues w/ a chick w/ long drawn out text messages. Finally you're going to have to just let this one go, and you're going to have to work on yourself b4 you can even begin to think about getting into a relationship w/ another girl.

[lightbulb27]

Excellent write up… enjoyed reading it. Your going to be ok since you are starting to see yourself and your flaws. Further Answer forthcoming.

[NZGirl07]

I understand what you did and I do not think you meant to be manipulative. Breakups are hard, and we can do things we regret. The thing is breaking up and getting back together never really works. You broke up for a reason, and although you think you might feel differently now it is likely just nostalgia and missing her. Cut the contact and find someone new that is right for you.

Also with regulating emotions, I would say try talking to a therapist. I did this once and got some good tips.

[cato4796]

Well I ended up apologizing- I have Adhd and OCD and had prevuous said I wanted space from her because I was anxious about certain behaviors when I go through breakups and we talked about it. She was pretty understanding and I mentioned this impulsivity as being part of that when I apologized to her last night. Hopefully that will help

[WhitneySnow]

It was very manipulative of you to send her a fake text. What did you say in the text that flipped her out so bad?

[CuriousMufuxka]

Wow, you are all over the place! My best advice is to chill the fuck out and wait.

[Guy13]

Yep, you are amazing…

[Guy13]

Don’t lie to your Elders 😏. You were weeded or boozed up…you thought about her, and typed wrong Text address.

[Guy13]

Yep…Don’t LIE ‼️ I’ll have to tell her ass🚼

[Guy13]

From now on: Dear Guy13 for ALL YOU PEOPLE. Dear Abbey my mom used to read.

[cato4796]

wtf?

[Guy13]

If you were not 🍸 🍁 up THEN that’s a damn shame. You don’t even have an excuse. Either you are Dumber than concrete blocks OR you were F-Up.

[Iron_Man]

Fix it during your conversation

[cato4796]

What conversation?

[Iron_Man]

The next time you talk to her

[In_Trance]

Yeah

[cato4796]

Do you have any suggestion?

[In_Trance]

It's your ex. Leave it in the past