Is it considered cheating to still text your ex, but hide it from your SO?

Question

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Does the ex know your with someone else? That’s a big part of this. If it’s for business purposes or some other non romantic reason than probably not.

However if it’s a “friendly” that teetering into risky territory.

Some people believe that after break ups than it’s best to 100% remove someone from your life. I guess if someone cheated, was abusive, etc. that’s obviously the best course of action.

But in other cases people sometimes break up for sad reasons (growing apart, non compatibility, etc). In those situations it’s rather cruel to completely cut someone out. It was done to me years ago and it really devastated me. But I later found out SHE was the f*cking chéater so her unilateral decision made more sense as shitty as it was.

Anyway 1) you should tell your ex your seeing someone else but you wish them well 2) let your boyfriend/girlfriend know. Tell them it was short conversation.
If you don’t do that its disrespectful to the person your dating. If they find out they will likely be pissed.

Bradley81 · Accepted Answer

Depends, texting about something that is common interest and platonic like a kid or owning something together.. sure.

Kkstarzz96 · Accepted Answer

You should have no reason to contact your ex while you're in a relationship, and in the rare bizarre case I had many years ago, where he was under investigation for something and I was called to testify, and he and I talked again, yes, sadly, it ended up in cheating. Its awful that adult situations force you to see each other again. Where as when you're kids and you guys change schools or don't have classes with your significant other, you never see each other. The world of dating is backwards. The most intense love of your life comes when you're too stupid to know it. The most mundane relationship comes when you're wiser but now you're together cause it makes sense, not cause you have passion.

SnakeBoop · Accepted Answer

if you hide it, abso-fucking-lutely.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Why do you need to hide it from your SO?

GoodManDave · Answer

Sort of. I mean if you initiate, if it’s romantic or sexting, then yes. If the ex initiates, but you keep it going in a sexual or romantic way, then yes, it’s still cheating, even if it’s not physical.

If you initiate, but it’s some “old business,” like you need something back from them (sweater, a pet, etc), or you have kids together or there was some tragedy or something like that, no, it’s not cheating.

Assuming your not sniffing around the ex or leading them on, assuming that it’s all innocent … It IS a bit weird that you would hide it from the current guy.

Moose304 · Answer

This can be better stated as a boundary question. Let me ask this question in a better way. Is it crossing an established boundary if I make ANY contact with an ex that my new partner doesn't know about? Now before people start getting their panties all in a bunch let's break this down. If you are in a relationship with a partner that is not comfortable with you maintaining contact with an ex, you should respect that boundary OR break off the relationship. To do otherwise is cheating. A friends with benefits has a son who is in his mid-20s and recently got married. He has an ex-GF that keeps on texting him. There is more to this story that I can't get into. He can't block her or change his phone number. His wife is not comfortable with the contact. In his case, it's not cheating because he is doing his best to stop the texting and lets his SO know when it happens. Not respecting boundaries is a serious sin in a relationship that in most situations guts it.

loveslongnails · Answer

There's no good reason to hide if it involves children, or support or anything like that. If you're still on a friendly basis and it's just conversation, your current s. o. should know that, and be ok with it. If that's all it is and your current girlfriend or boyfriend has an issue with it, that's a whole different problem. But if you're hiding something, that means you know it's wrong. Is it cheating? Not sexually probably. Emotionally or mentally - not necessarily either, but it's not being trustworthy or honest, that's for sure.

peedy · Answer

It may not be cheating but be inappropriate and the fact you're hiding it shows someone is uncomfortable with it
If there was a legitimate reason for communication there shouldn't be an issue but if you're just talking about every day irrelevant subjects that maybe you should be discussing with your current boyfriend instead of your ex, that could lead into problems
And a good healthy relationship is based in trust so if you are hiding things it starts eating away at that trust and will eventually destroy it

Mikeysoda · Answer

Absolutely, in my opinion, anything you do that you, feel the need to, hide from your significant other and actually hide it, is cheating. The question is, if you didn't think it was wrong, why are you hiding it? If it was the right thing to do, would you hide it?

MentorMan · Answer

There’re really only one two people who can answer that meaningfully, you and your SO.

If you feel like it’s cheating, then it is. If SO feels like it’s cheating, then it is. If neither of you do, then no need to hide it. You may find with some open communication that you SO is ok with continued comms with your ex under certain conditions meaningful to them. Then you’ll know, and won’t be operating under the guise of secrecy. Or SO may not be ok with it at all. In the latter case you’ll need to be ok with “cheating” on SO, cutting it off with ex, or cutting it off with SO.

Chlo3_2001 · Answer

If it hurts the trust and emotions of your partner and you go out of your way to hide it and have some guilt doing it then it's quite obvious one would be in the wrong doing it and shouldn't. Texting an ex and maintaining friendly civilities is fine, I think some healthy connections can still co-exist after a relationship, but if you have to hide that from your partner I'd definitely consider it to be unfaithful.

integrale77 · Answer

If the topic of conversation isn't something your SO would be angry about there is nothing wrong with chatting it's the hiding the conversation that's sketchy.

It's best at least saying there is a conversation should start straightening things out and being willing to share the messages.

Jabberjaw · Answer

Assuming you didn't make a big deal out of them contacting their EX or did something to leave to them feeling as if they have to hide it.

Then yes I would consider it cheating. Because you've been open and accepting they have friends/a life/a past but they for some reason still felt a need to hide it. That's redflag behavior

Aerissa_Jade · Answer

Cheating is situational, hiding it either means someone is worried about getting caught OR would be embarrassed even if it wouldn't cause problems.

It may or may not be, depending on the conversations and what the other side thinks. If they are okay with trying to stay friends or if they want them out and over.

Nawlins34 · Answer

If it wasn't defined as cheating at the beginning of the relationship when boundaries were set going forward, then it isn't cheating.

It lives in the gray area of not having that conversation.

That said, they are guilty of hiding and stealing time from the relationship. Hiding requires intent, I'd drop this person.

DaySpring · Answer

First we need to address the fact that it is insincere before we even begin to talk about "is it considered cheating"

Cheating isn't getting to the root; lack of developed character/personality traits is the root because that very thing leads to cheating and almost everything else that ruins a relationship.

xHoneyxBeex · Answer

Someone who does that may not have physically cheated but they are well on their way. At most, it's emotional cheating though and at the very least, it's still deceitful and wrong. If someone feels the need to hide things from their significant other, it's a huge red flag and concerning behavior.

SolitarySolace · Answer

I'd consider that cheating, yes. Because, wtf would you and your ex need to be discussing? One of you obviously wishes things didn't turn out the way they did and the other could easily be swayed to come back. And if you're already involved with someone new, that would be cheating. Even the thought of considering getting back with your ex is cheating. There are at too many ways a person can cheat these days because of technology.

BruceJender · Answer

Cheating is defined as breaking a promise made to (someone, such as one's wife or husband) by having sex with someone else.

Therefore I wouldn't consider it cheating.

However it is incredibly dishonest and deceitful to hide the fact that you're in touch with an ex.

Alistar88 · Answer

It depends on so many different things. Is that person flirting? Is the ex flirting and the person you are with not setting up boundaries? Would you flip out knowing they are talking even if it was innocent? Too little of info to go on really.

ShakTreblat · Answer

Texting your ex isn’t really cheating by itself. But the fact that you feel like you have to hide it seems pretty suspect.

If you feel like you have to hide your relationships then you probably shouldn’t be in those relationships.

LingyRolls · Answer

Yes it is. I say this as a wife with a husband and a male friends with benefits. If you're doing stuff secretly that you hide from your SO then it's cheating. It's betrayel.

JustinTheGreat · Answer

I don’t want to say it’s necessarily cheating bc you guys might not even be flirting and texting as friends But to hide that from your SO is just as bad as cheating tbh

TacosRAwesome · Answer

Depends on topic of conversation and frequency. Eg wishing them happy birthday and occasionally sending them things that are relevant to them is not cheating but constantly talking to them or sexting them could be.

dustybiker · Answer

Don’t ever hide anything from your SO, with the exception of surprise parties. It never ends well.

Lionman95 · Answer

The moment you hide conversation with a person from the opposite sex that you either are or have been close to in the past it´s cheating to me.

sage2021 · Answer

It's wrong. - period! Just stop it! You are walking on a wire without a net so if SO finds out you will probably crash and burn. It's just not right.

schittywok · Answer

No one cares if you are talking about yourself. What you are asking is 'If a tree falls in a forest, and there’s no one around to hear it, does it make a sound?' Who the hell cares?

Drumlin2001 · Answer

Depends what your talking about. Bit rubbish to hide it from your SO though. If it's innocent should be no need to hide

SkyCastle90 · Answer

If no emotional cheating is going on, then it's more dishonest than anything. Still bad.

alice55 · Answer

I would say yes cause there's lying involving, why the need to lie if nothing bad is happening?

nawtee_me · Answer

I am still good friends with my ex. We talk often both in text and on the phone. My SO would have to get over it. My ex and I had kids together. We still talk about them. She has remarried and we are just friends.

pass_the_celery98 · Answer

Yeah, it is considered cheating. Your ex is your ex for a reason especially when secretly messaging them.

KrisPW · Answer

If you are hiding it, then you already know it's wrong.

Kaneki05 · Answer

Like the common rules go, if you cannot tell your SO then you shouldn't be doing it.

Jadethedream · Answer

Yes it wrong he should know. unless your open about it and he knows nothing going off between you both and that it is just friends should be ok

EmbraceThePain · Answer

Yeah, don’t do it…….  At least don’t hide it.

Gollum · Answer

If a girl I'm in a relationship with still texts her ex she's obviously not over him. Not interested in that drama. Bye! Don't let the door hit you on the way out!

FilmGuy93 · Answer

I mean... yeah... I would consider that a pretty serious violation of trust.

worldscolide · Answer

Not cheating, but I'd break up over it. Dishonesty is not something I tolerate from my self or my partner.

Wise4myage · Answer

If your sexting than its cheating. But hiding anything is inappropriate.

TallAnon · Answer

Yes, hiding it is the problem here. Cheating is breaking the rules you set up with your partner. Like consent, not giving them a chance to decline does not make the action right.

Raphaëlle · Answer

If you hide it, you've a reason as to why you're hiding it and it's a bit suspicious.

KostasKouvalis · Answer

If you're just having a casual conversation, not cheating but just deception. You should tell them

exitseven · Answer

It depends on what you are texting. If it is sexual in nature it is cheating.

Baylay · Answer

If the person is hiding then yes. Cause if the person is being just friends then she/he should tell their SO

jsername · Answer

Yes definitely... If you are still taking to your ex that mean you haven't overcome from him and you just making a thing's complex or going to be complicated with your current boyfriend

Anonymous · Answer

if they're hiding something, then that's not right...

Djaay · Answer

What is with all these cheating questions? Yo fukin cheatin if your not loyal to the one your with , f... n period.

Guanfei · Answer

Depends on what you text. If it's just friendly, it's not great but alright. If you sext or flirt, yes it is.

Thomas169 · Answer

If ya need to hide it from your significant other, it's sketchy. If you're not doing anything wrong, why not tell your partner?

In_Trance · Answer

How would you feel if SO was doing this to you?  Would you feel cheated on?

Anonymous · Answer

If you saw some of the DMs I get from these guys taking the moral high ground. 🙄

TrillXHippy · Answer

Disagree or disagree with me it’s cheating whether you like it or not

stacybutlerwashere · Answer

I've always thought that, if you have to hide it, it's cheating.

5mith · Answer

Would you consider it cheating if you find out that your SO was texting his ex and hiding it from you?

Anonymous · Answer

No it's not ok if you whore around with a 100 different guys you tramp. keep your legs closed

shoyegaiten · Answer

I dunno, I think it depends on what you're texting with your ex about.

Selene1994 · Answer

I think so. That’s sign If they hide their phone from you.

Slim57 · Answer

Not cheating but just as bad if you're not being honest with your partner

Kingofkings1992 · Answer

It’s not cheating, but hiding it isn’t a good look.

Anonymous · Answer

If you have to hide it they're not truly your SO but someone you plan to break up with eventually

Chiarac2003 · Answer

The question is why? Don’t tell me… tell ur SO.

Is it considered cheating to still text your ex, but hide it from your SO?

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