My ex has borderline (bpd) and I want her back I don’t know what to do?

[Runner1996]

I loved her deeply and unconditionally, wanted to help her and be good to her that’s all I ever was. We’d argue but it was from the lack of effort or not setting me as a priority half the time. I treated her so well only for her to spread lies and speak negatively about me to friends and family. She was seeing a therapist, towards the end of our relationship she told me “ there’s no one else I wanna be with”, “ I just wanna give you better “ “ I’ll never leave you I promise “ only to leave because she needed to heal alone and focus on herself.
She left me in the dark so I reached out to some of her friends for help and they all ignored me, she told me to stop reaching out, I wasn’t the bad guy I was just hurting. A week later we speak on the phone and she tells me she never loved me like I loved her and she broke up with me to sleep with other guys. She told me Im gonna sleep with this guy and that guy. That’s this was her choice and she wanted to be treated like shit and degraded, yet the whole relationship she kept asking for respect and Intimacy. Said she wasn’t sure she’d wanna be in a relationship with me again, I was hurting so bad, this wasn’t the girl I loved like she turned into a monster. She said she was so much happier and I need to move on it’s over forever. That I didn’t give her the toxic love her ex gave her. It broke me because we promised each other forever and always.
It’s been 4 months and she removed me and blocked family from all social media. some of these guys she mentioned were just friends or people she told me to never worry about. I trusted her and she hurt me it makes no sense. Before the break up we talked about healing and being better, told me she’d only wanna be with me then she just turned on me for someone else or just sleep around.
I know this is part of her borderline. She painted me black and keeps telling me to move on. I just want my best friend back. Been no contact now four months, is it over forever? Any advice helps

[lightbulb27]

It definitely makes sense and definitely a female, a very damaged one. Emotions all over the place... saying this, then switching to that. Normal... but screwed up.

Whatever her real "demons" are, you and she are yet to uncover and only then does her healing occur. The answers are in her childhood and they aren't your responsibility... only she can.

She is pushing you away from shame and fear, her core emotions. Love from caregiver was probably rejection.

This is toxic "love."

You should go see a therapist, read books and watch videos, join groups, or self study and answer these questions:
* Why do I love her, what is this love? How does this relate to my childhood?
* How long can I tolerate this kind of emotional turmoil - just for fun.. because this relationship would turn you into ashes eventually.
* How do I go about healing to finding a healthy person rather than a wounded bird to save?
* Suffer the pain of loss, process and learn what you can and move on. Pray to God, turn this and her soul over to God for her to heal, wish her the best in life.

That's what you should do. You get together with her... make a baby... without this crap resolve... you just don't want to know what that misery gonna look like. She hit the eject button and was wise to do so to save you, from her... and she knows it... as awful as that is.

[Honesttguy]

Typical nice guy syndrome, you were sufficating her with your love. It happens all the time dude, you first need to learn respect yourself thats what fuked this all up. You gave her respect but did she worked for it? Did she earn your respect? If u just give it away so easily you show lack of self respect and thus she can't respect you even of she wanted to, because the way you treat yourself. Learn from mistakes, learn to hsve self respect thats your core thats shat keeps it all together. No core and it all falls apart just like it did now. If you dont learn it will happen again

[MedAsianGirl]

No contacts for months is quite a long time. That shows you’re not on her mind anymore. If she still thinks of you she’d contact you. I’d move on and find someone that cares more and that treats people nicer.


A good thing about her is that she told you to move on. There are people who’d just ghost suddenly without any signs. That really hurts and takes a long time and effort to heal.


Try to find some hobbies to do so you’re getting distracted and helping youself to move on. It’ll take time but one day you’ll not be thinking much of her and would feel better.

[Guy13]

NOT an expert but…Give her Distance. Its likely, from my experience, that she will “come for you” at height of her Experimentation to conquer once again and probably spit you out back into the wind. Probably sugar coated, “he’ll feel my pain”. You’ll be happy then in your life…
—Say goodbye as she requested. Say what you mean and mean what you say. She may lose her ability to bond relationally.
If that time comes, keep your dick in your pants and tongue in your mouth…

[Guy13]

Dude, I’m sorry. I know it’s like a Death of love one. Don’t let her harden you and steal your kind heart.

[Runner1996]

She told me to “move on” and to never speak to her again? Besides talking to her friends, I didn’t do anything wrong. Did she really mean it

[Kaneki05]

If she has Bpd and she's not wanting to cling to you it's over. They don't come back once there's been a break in that co-dependency nvm they probably found someone else to cope on.

[Quigly]

Move on, She's a fraud. She was never sincere the entire time about anything she said to you. Her mental illness is hatred and the desire to hurt someone.
It was all about hurting you from the very beginning.

[Avicenna]

It’s over , and If she has BPD you are much better off without her. You will heal, it just takes time. Don’t try to date until you’ve healed, though.

[boggboss]

Yes this is forever wtf are u doing waiting for a girl that left u to get fucked by random strangers and your crying that u want her back

[Anonymous]

God why woukd you want her back.. I've seen this movie it never ends well.

[amelia097]

Talk to her