I found that forgiving mine was the moment I finally felt lighter, and I let go enough to start moving on. Our breakup was ugly and I spiraled into a very long and dangerous depression afterwards.
I won't tell you you'll ever be fully over him, You will probably love him for the rest of your life, but you will summon the strength to move on.
i tried not to focus on the good times we had, I instead tried to focus on the tail end of our relationship when everything started going to shit, to really remind myself that it wasn't all good.
Forgiving and forgetting isn't something you can just do, forgiveness is something you have to reach after time, when it feels right. And forgive yourself for any bad you might have done, and for being hung up for so long.
But in the end this is a matter of time.
you're a gorgeous looking girl, and this isn't just some patronizing bullshit, but from an outside perspective it looks like his loss.
Work on turning YOURSELF into someone you love and eventually you will naturally blow past the plateau and start moving on looking for someone who will be a real and meaningful addition to your life.
I can tell you, it took a long time, but eventually I made it to a point where I simply stopped thinking about her, and even when I do, it doesn't hurt anymore.
Good luck, you'll get there.
You realize that if he wanted YOU, he'd be finding you. Since he isn't finding you, he obviously doesn't want you.
Then you say to yourself "why am I pining over a guy who doesn't want me? Why am I making myself sick over someone who 'does not want me'?
Why?
If the answer is that you can't stand being rejected, or your ego is sore, then you need to smack yourself and grow up.
If it's really something else, let me know.
No, no, you're probably right...
Drugs and alcohol won’t help. They just make sobriety more painful. As a psychologist, I advise two things:
first, understand that pain from losing someone from our life is a good thing. Caring about someone hurts when they’re gone from us. It means they mattered. Today we always see pain as bad. But pain is necessary for growth and learning. Were there no pain with breakups, then we’d always make the same mistakes.
second, finding someone else to keep your attention is always helpful. Either as a distraction, or a love of your life. But don’t expect it to be exactly the same. They aren’t replacements, they’re new relationships. New additions and experiences. No one will ever be that person for you but no one should be because it didn’t work out.
stay away from synthetic emotional anesthetics (drugs and alcohol). Depending on them to nullify pain only makes you less able to do it on your own, making life harder and harder and harder
I can tell you the answer that help me to move on when I was dumped by my ex but.. it might get him back running to and begging for a second chance like he did to me.. 😅
Please, anything helps.
Short version:
•📆No Contact 30
•📝Write a Thank You Letter
•🚫Only Reach Out to Him If He Reach Out First
Detailed Version:
1. 📆No contact (Recommend at least 30 days)
-Don’t text him, don’t watch his insta, don’t look at his pics, and don’t follow his friends. ~Focus on doing new things cause mainly you’re doing this for yourself bc your becoming the BEST and BETTER version of yourself🛀 :::::self care mode:::::: Also, when he ask how you been (because he will reach out) you’ll can tell him … I started doing Yoga classes🧘♀️, I took a skill in playing piano 🎹 , I spent time with friends and hung out with new excited pple🪂, etc. ✈️ *The key is to sound enthusiastic that you moved on if you sound sad he’ll think it was the right thing he did to break with u*
2. 📧Send a written letter (Not a love letter but a Thank you letter after the 30 days over)
I know this sound clingy or whatever but it’s really not. Think about it, have you ever received a written letter from an ex before? No. It will make him second thought his decision in a good way✅. My ex said he felt overwhelmed with emotion when he read mine letter and knew he made a mistake. In the letter it should start like “Thank you (ex), for ending the relationship. I believe it was the right thing to do looking back and now I’m moving on enjoying life in a way I didn’t see before.” 📝*Its like a closure message for yourself and him* trust me: he’ll feel confused and little jealous your moving on when you write that and you’ll better🤍.
3. Pleaseeee this is crucial, or you’ll mess up your entire progress, 🚫ONLY text him if he text YOU first (when you answer don’t give longggg or sweet replies. A short and simple… “Im wonderful just hanging out with friends” is GREAT! He’s going to see if you still them which you not gonna be.) This is not mind games! You are showing him that you respect he needs space and that you are a busy, outgoing, beautiful women that have other important things to do✨. As the dumper, you ex, it is his responsibility to reach out.. NOT YOU! If he begins reaching out.. stay calm and answer shortly then without notice reply the next day. Once a few weeks go by, you can then begin talking as normal bc his view of the new you has settled in and he will see you as if he never broke up with you and begging for second chance (this will take another month be patient and trust the process.)
Lastly:
-my ex was begging and after all the steps I told you, (a month and 3 three weeks exact) I no longer felt the need to be with him… lol I got over him 😂
Hopefully this helps. Also watch this when you feel tempted to text him: Watch “Love Advice TV” YOUTUBE
Opinion
59Opinion
Well the first thing is really working out why he got away, was it an ex or just someone you could not date for some reason.
if it’s simply you never asked or something, then there is time, if it’s an ex then it’s working out why they are an ex.
if the reason he got away means there is no trying to get with him again, then it’s really just a case of time and living with it. If there is a slim chance of getting back, then you have to ask yourself do you really want to go through it all again.
There is no real great way to get over a person, I have nose dived horrendously in the past, as in really really badly.
for me it’s putting other stuff in the way of it, hanging out with friends, doing sports, hobbies, stuff that stops you dwelling on it.
I found archery and shooting really good as I had to clear my mind for both. Also running and mountain biking work for me.
It's, well, complicated. Suffice to say, he just up and vanished. We were never technically an item, but it was more real than any other relationship I've ever had. I don't know where he is, his number, anything but his first name and what he looks like.
@LilyoftheLake ouch that hurts.
Do you have anything else you could try and track him down, mutual friend or even if you knew a friend, if he stopped at a certain flat or apartment, he may have left a forwarding address or details.
A friend of mine had this happen while we were in the Air Force.
He was called to his bosses office and given a letter,
It was from a girl who he had been chatting to on a train returning back to camp.
She had really liked him but only new he was at RAF Lossiemouth on a certain Squadron.
So she wrote a letter to the station commander and explained she had met this guy on xx train and he had got off at Aberdeen,
The station commander had a word with my friends boss and asked him to find out who.
The boss found out who had been on leave and matched description, then called my friend in.
The girl and him dated for about 2 years.
Random but one of those weird things that can happen.
I guess I might have one weak lead... I hadn't really thought of it, but maybe. Thank you!
Also if you know some of his social media stuff, email, user names etc, you can sometimes track them down or find new profiles online by them
None of it. Not even an email :(
I'm kicking myself for not getting any of that as soon as I could. And my lead turned out dry :/
@LilyoftheLake oh well concentrate on Friday night.
Then socialise more with friends, see if anything comes out of Friday, see if you fancy some more random fun or something steady. Basically stuff to take your mind off the “what might have been”
That sounds like a WONDERFUL plan. Thank you!
It's no easy to get over like that...
Best way to get over is to go through it...
You got to suffer and miss him and go through some pain... It's very important process of getting over
Don't try taking shortcuts...
Just let it flow over time...
Look Obviously break ups hurt and moving on is long process... U got to go through it
Well I just want to reiterate that hard drugs and a bunch of alcohol won't help you in the long run. If you're not careful, you could even die, so I'm glad you're looking for other ways.
I'd suggest working out regularly and talk to people who care. Therapy is a very real option as well. Don't watch sad TV. Watch funny stuff.
I don't think you ever really do. You can find someone else that makes you happy and the memory of that one person will fade, but they never truly disappear. Hell I went chasing after a girl that left me over a year ago just the other day. Hadn't see. Her around for 6 months and finally saw her getting in her car. She drove off before I could get turned around. I took too long thinking about what to do before I popped a u turn. I decided after the last two bad dates I recently went on it was worth me looking like an idiot showing up randomly all out of the blue for a girl that makes me happy.
You’ve mentioned her before. Why again did she leave you?
I need this information myself. Basically there is a girl who I've become friends with and I tried not to catch feeling but I did. She has a boyfriend and I cherish our friendship way to much to ever try anything. I never wanted these feelings for her but you can't help you who fall for. So I've been trying to push those feelings aside and just focus on out friendship which is amazing. But it'd so hard because spending time with her just reminds me why I have these feelings for her. I don't want to lose her as a friend and its painful having to squash my true feelings but I have to. So yes, I would like to know how to get over someone.
I think the whole impermanence principle puts it simple and short. Also, if you continue identifying yourself with your thoughts, it's way more difficult. Observe your thoughts, feelings. Watch them and then let them go.
Maybe this my take I wrote some time ago can inspire you.
Why Losing Friends And Growing A Part Is Something Positive
Hey... nothing heals past like time... make some patience dear... i know it breaks your heart each time his thoughts cross you but give yourself some time, spend sometime on person who loves you most:... you... its just a matter of time... all my love and wishes are with you❤️☺️
Realize you are dreaming. The reality will be much less of a dream and might even be a nightmare.
The presidents that got assassinated where all "wonderful heroes" because they didn't get enough time to burst that dreamy bubble about them people had.
Just saying that what you are really in love with the the image in your head and not the real man.
Interesting... I'll take that into consideration.
I know how you're feeling because I'm going through almost the exact same thing.
If there's one you can do get is idea in your head. You are amazing you are beautiful you are worthy of love!!
You are a full person with or without someone. It's important to love yourself before finding someone else to love you.
Focus on the positives think about how free you feel. Think of the possibilities.
Cut him out of your life maybe you two weren't meant to be and thats okay.
Maybe delete his number if you have it or photos with him. This can be very very hard but deserve the best and he wasn't the best
God has a plan and he has the best ending possible in mind.
Just remember all this and you will succeed
Here's a blunt a question: Did YOU let him go?
Or to be more explanatory, was this situation (or series of situations) in your control at all?
If it was, yes, you will have regrets, and perhaps you should. Or perhaps forgive yourself and move on.
But if it wasn't, and often it just wasn't, then you just have to move on. You could not control the situation, not your fault.
It happened too quickly, but I didn't hold on tightly enough. But no, I didn't let him go. But yes, there were things I could've done to secure the relationship (maybe).
I would say try first to get in touch with them via mutual freinds if u can't stop thinking about them and if they break ur heart. Max u can do is not to think about them. Accepting the situation and moving on is the only choice u have at the end u can't change what has happened only u can accept our emotions make it hard for us to accept. Stopping to think about it accepting it has ended and focusing on present is the only thing u can do
It is hard to get over the one that got away. Everyone have their way have their own way. Here are some techniques I have seen:
1) Find a celebrity that you find attractive and become obsessed with him/her.
2) Focus on something like work or video games. Escape from reality and get yourself so busy that you don't have time to think or energy to think.
3) Listen to really sad music and morn for the loss. Express all your sadness out as if they died. It will be impossible for you to be with them.
4) No one is perfect. Think of flaws of that person that you were willing to overlook but now make them as a dealbreaker. For example, I had a girl that got away. I felt like we were so connected and had so much in common. She was like a tomboy and I did not mind that. However, now I tell myself it won't work out. I want a girl who has long hair and willing to wear a dress.
What I did was basically just let myself forget them. You have to move on. I know this sounds cliché, but it's true. Just think of them as a historical figure. They don't actually exist in the present. They only exist in the past. And then open your mind up to new possiblities of other people. Really open your eyes and look around you. The options are endless.
You do the same thing a fisherman does. Bait the hook again, cast it into the water and wait for another fish to bite. Then reel it in.
Just put yourself out there and find another good guy for you.
You don't ever get over the "one" that got away.
You adapt. That one and only one person will be with you forever. You may get them again and you may not. Honor them by living the best life you can and doing everything to please a partner as much as you would please and love the "one".
It won't ever get easier. They are a part of your life forever
Aside from staying busy, taking care of yourself, having fun and all that usual stuff... if you find yourself missing him or having feelings, honestly you just have to sit in it and let yourself feel it. If you keep pushing those feelings away they'll keep coming back. If you let them wash over you, yeah you'll feel like shit for a time, but that's the only way to actually get over them. Don't run from them
Oddly enough I thought this ex girl fling friends with benefits daddy little girl thing I had was like you thinking and dreaming of me how you thought of him. Well... let's just say... now I'm like you as I don't understand how she makes excuses to not see me yet id be the first one she would call when she needed help from getting away from her now ex boyfriend. so... I feel you. Just without the drugs and alcohol. Let's forget them together!
Yeah. Hard drugs and alcohol will only compound the problem because you are running away from the issue. If it bothers you that much, go seek help. Get a counselor to work through those issues. And find healthy ways to cope. Or you will fall off the rails really quick
Have you ever read the poem a reason a season or a lifetime
https://images. app. goo. gl/vTCoVX1SYxpGmicaA
It took me a long time to get over my "one that got away" and I still think back to the good times we had every now and then. I can't recommend the way I did it because it took me to a very dark place in my soul, and I am still fighting that to this day. But my advice for you would be to focus on yourself. Your dreams, your goals, your flaws. Anything you can put your focus into to improve yourself personally, and his memory should fade quite a bit if not completely.
It takes time. If you were really into him, a few months is nothing.
How did you break up? Was it you or him who broke it off?
I... It's complicated. Maybe PMs?
Lol Iam sorry dear. You guys broke up? I think you should get busy with other stuffs ( work/studies/ Exercises or gym/ Social activities you will get over him finally. Also Try seeing someone casually. I think this options will help.
homemade aversion therapy.
put a rubber band around your wrist.
snap yourself a few times - really hard - every time you think of him.
m just endure the time... that is all
and there will come a time in which you will stop thinking about them every day... and many things will cease to remind you about them... lol
Meet a bunch of other great people, whether it be guys or girls, having more other people around helps forget the past
Time heals, or find a guy who you can convince to stick around. A guy that wants to be with you should be better than dreaming about one that doesn't.
Just don't pay attention too it put your mind on more active physical activities like gym or watching TV and over time it will get easier
1. Plan your career
2. start eating healthy, every meal, no more fast food only good food
3. work out if you have time
4. work on inner calm and handling your emotions
5. do something fun
Try diverting your mind and focus on yourself and your career. These things are temporary. Dont think about him. He might be your bad past and you don't need to waste your energy on it.
Am the solution, I can make you forget him and take your pain away.
Forgive yourself for loving and falling for him. Forgive him.
Thanks for like!
King loving meditation 🧘♀️ on you tube with yellow flower. 💛 everyday for one month.
life is short stop wasting your life on something that gone and move on while you were wasting your time your dream guy might have just passed you by get over it move on
Just get back into life and doing the things that you like surround yourself were friends and family and just enjoy yourself and before you know it you'll meet somebody new and forget all about him
Just do what makes you happy, and it'll get easier eventually
I am in this situation and the woman I lost got away 12 years ago. I keep busy and honestly have not had a relationship since.
Time will help with the healing I think. Overtime you will forget him and someone new might come in your life. Stay strong 💪
Accept it and try to make the best of what you have and the people you know :)
Studying behavioral science and seeing that romance is less about the other person and more about each person’s subconscious.
You likely have some unresolved resentment towards him and need closure
Find a hoby yourself, don't be alone too much, hang out with your group of friends.
You know how they say it you want something set it free and if it comes back it was meant to be 💖😘
Find a new guy or girl to think of
or do those excercises, buddy
I would have to deal with the fact that she is with someone that isn’t me
find another guy that’s a catch 🤷♂️ there’s a lot of fish in the sea
Be patient and let time pass. Obviously you are trying to forget him but it’s better to let time do it’s thing and you should try to keep busy
I dont know... i have been working on it for 10 years...
@LilyoftheLake
get a few friends with benefits then you have all the fun and no stress
I wonder the same, considering the fact that... All of my loves were unrequited :(
Realize there are 3.5 billion more on this planet just like them. They're not special.
Love someone else
I'm thinking of rebounding, but then again, HE was supposed to be a rebound...
@LilyoftheLake this is funny. What are your goals for a relationship? Traditional or non traditional?
He wasn't the one, when he got away
I'd be happy to provide a brainwashing service.
find that closure
and meditation helps
Stop chasing them in your mind.
Time….. it took me over a decade…..
Alpha widow. you're fucked.
find a NEW guy... or 3...
focusing your mind on other things
Go tell him,
Go get him, now
Why don't you want him?
Let talk?
Look 👀 change I never meet you, you never meet me, okay
I know 45 years ago she got away
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