Why Losing Friends And Growing A Part Is Something Positive


Nothing Is Built To Last Forever

I start with a heading that literally quotes a line from the song "21 Guns" by Green Day because it's one of the lines that have always stuck with me. Even if it's not necessarily very profound, and nothing from out of this world, it does say a lot about what life is all about.

Change is within us and around us everywhere. Expressions of the what we really are constantly transform and turn into something new.

The attachment to people, thoughts, and things, hinder you from evolving. That's one of the reasons why addictions (both to substance and behavior) are seen as so unhealthy. Homeostasis is a line that is drawn from your habits and routines, among which, are addictions.

This is closely connected to the illusion of controling everything. This does not mean that there aren't instances where decisions can be made on rational grounds. This does, however, mean that control of variables that you can't possibly perceive, is futile, to say the least. This is very important to note. The problem with control, is when we try to control other people, things, and other forms of exterior variables. This becomes blinding because of what it is covering up. It's covering up the only thing we can control: our own thoughts and reactions to what the exterior world deals us.

Change is Life
Change is Life


Development has been given many different definitions and conotations throughout history. In this specific case, I am referring to cognitive, emotional, moral and social development. This is the development that developmental psychology is concerned about. Development, as a concept, is defined in this text as:

"The deconstruction of a structure defined by a specific level of consciousness and the reconstruction of a new one, at a new level of consciousness."

The key point to focus on here is that it requires to deconstruct the prior structure, before constructing the next. This is important but why? Because of the next point I have to make:


You Are A Combination of the Five People you Spend Most Time With

The heading above is taken from a quote I heard somewhere. Wether it's true to the letter, is of course questionable. If it's five or ten people, no one can really tell and what "spending time with" entails, is also an incertainty that we will just have to take into consideration.

For the sake of simplicity and keeping this least academic as possible and more relatable to the reader, I will define "spending time with", as "interacting with". Of course, this includes verbal and non-verbal communication.

In connection to the previous heading, when concerning moving forward in one's development, it is crucial that we learn how to let go. Letting go of people, things, feelings and thoughts. Why? Because of many reasons, but the ones I think are most significant:

1. Holding on takes up energy that you could perhaps invest in a more constructive manner.

2. Life is change, and change implies that you change what you are holding on to.

3. The people you hold on to, shape your habits.


Letting go of people in your life is something that is part of growing up. If you never lost a single friend since childhood, do you you think you'd ever make new friends? Growing a part is something that is a sign of change in values, interests, orientations, tendencies, tastes. This does not mean that commitment is something that is absurd. Commitment is also a part of life. Integrity is also. But, interestingly enough, commitment can be linked closely to the concept of connection, rather than addiction, if we look back at the start of this MyTake.

I hope this reaches who needs to hear this. We are all transforming constantly. And perhaps, if I may say, you could consider yourself somehow different after reading this.

Why Losing Friends And Growing A Part Is Something Positive
Why Losing Friends And Growing A Part Is Something Positive
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Most Helpful Guy

  • Anon621
    I think what you had to say was spot on and I totally agree. Thinking about all the things that can happen and your perspective on things I can completely agree as a person that used to deal with false narratives but also as a person who moved to a different university then most people went to that I knew. I would also say you are never too old to start trying to gain friends again
    Is this still revelant?

Most Helpful Girl

  • Gwenhwyfar
    This is amazing 💗. But sometimes when we lose friends someday we can get them back again. Even if it takes years.
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • crazyish
    You're mind is seriously beautiful. The way you run through things is just so raw and real. It's amazing to see. I don't believe we actually let go of people or other things. We only let go of their place in our daily lives. Take for example, when you let go of an addiction. You always keep with you how it felt to be addicted, why you were addicted and how it effected your life; good or bad. If you let go of it, you wouldn't carry these things with you. You wouldn't draw strength from remembering the struggles you've overcome in beating your addiction. I believe it's more like accepting that change is inevitable. That whatever or whoever it may be, is just not active in your day to day life at this time. If we let go, it's a loss, we will need to mourn it completely. But who can really know for sure if what we let go of won't eventually come back? And when they do, it only makes it harder on ourselves when we thought we had mourned them. Yes things you hold onto effects your habits. But that's only because you are focusing on those things and not on yourself. Maybe letting go isn't about the thing or person in question but about letting go of your dependence of what they brought to your life. Maybe there is something missing inside or something we aren't happy with that we keep attaching to outside things to the point of where we feel we have to let go in order to change and move on. If we didn't have that dependency, we would already accept that change was inevitable. That things and people can come and go. But it won't effect us and who we are anymore because we don't need anything outside of ourselves.
    • This is very interestingly put. It reminds me of Nietzsche's philosophy of Forever Return. I would say I agree. But then again, I'd say that what you're talking about is soul, as distinct from ego. So the entity that's attached to the substance or behavior you were addicted to at the time, was ego. But the experience of feeling addicted and desidentification from the self that was addicted, and the entity that keeps this memory, is Soul. :)

    • And thank you for the kind words, you Crazy empath :)

    • And I'd like to add, that what you describe when you say "the point where we feel we have to let go..." That's almost exactly how Eckhart Tolle describes his sudden enlightenment experience in the very beginning of The Power of Now!

  • Matt_p
    i lost lots of friends due to my dad being in the army and we had to move due to his postings it was sad leaving them behind and having to start again but i could moan about it but there's no point as that's just the way my life was now as a adult i take my friendships as a pence of salt if were friends were friends if were not were not
  • NathanDavis
    I didn't lose my friendships, we didn't control one another... we all have changed, we have developed, we have moved apart, we even became different people yes, because we're living a different time, reality does move, and we have moved with it... however we're still the same in essence and the essence of our friendship are still very much there...
    I would say because I know it is like this, through all these years I have met and made them my friends again, over and over... we have transformed our friendships consistently and over the years, just like said it at the end of your take.
  • IHateBeingaMan
    i wonder if its normal or common for childhood friendships, to not last into adulthood, thats how it was for me
  • Sevenpointfive
    i don't want to let you go though. you're my only friend
  • Before I got married I had lots of friends. There were people I knew since the first grade and people I met in college and a few workmates and a couple of guys I worked out with. I was rarely lonely and went out a lot. I don't see any of these people. Getting married and having kids and responsibilities caused me to let go of all these friendships. I never really made any new ones. Now that my kids are on their own I found that I feel isolated and lonely. My wife works all day and I am laid off so it has been weird. It sure doesn't feel like I am evolving.
  • Steve1071
    Well losing them to death is not a positive thing but a very detrimental and life long thing that just doesn’t go away.
    • I meant losing as in burning the bridge. But I agree. Losing anyone close to you to death is terrible.

  • t-8900
    loved this man and I see it the same way.
  • Ninjaflowers
    I need this coach in my life.
  • cnhinton
    Friends are for losers.
  • Anonymous
    I've lost a best friend and it really hurts. Especially when their life seems 1000x better without you