Need advice from you guys please?

[Anonymous]

So I been with this girl for 9 months and she said she wanted to build a strong relationship with me and so about 5 months in I jokingly said let’s look through each others phones when we went out to eat and she smiled and wasn’t down for it and when I told her if there is anyone else I can leave she said that wasn’t the case she didn’t want me in her pictures she had and some other shit that had to do with privacy. I noticed to when we stayed at hotels her phone notifications were off even though she gave me all her attention it still seemed weird. Fast forward a few days ago I recently asked her could I see her phone to text a friend and I went through her messages and I seen she had all the messages from her and her ex saved at the bottom of her contacts with just the number no name and this was before me in her but was in 2021, I started talking to her at the end of 2021 around October and I just felt kind of hurt about it cause is she not over him. I seen paragraphs she sent him and I even seen a picture of him in the messages and I just wondered was she really over him or was she still low key entertaining him. Anyways I confronted her and endsed ups at Hong her phone and she then pulled my air and said give me my phone and I did and we went and sat down and she explained who everyone in her messages were cursed me out and left. And she did tell me about the messages and pictures of her ex already before this, and she said it was just for memories, but it hurt when I actually seen it for sum reason even though it was the past. But any way so I ended up catching up to her when she left and I said can you sit and talk she ain’t want to and was pissed and I said so prove me wrong if I was accusing you all this time and show me the rest of the apps on the phone, she turned that down saying she wasn’t and it wasn’t because she was hiding anything. I proceeded but it was no then, told me to delete her number and that she deleted mine. For a phone..

Updates

1 y

Best advice please

[Anonymous]

I think you have some trust issues that you need to work on. You going through her phone just sounds like you don’t respect her privacy. She had those messages from the past back before you met (and when you first started talking) but that was all in the past. A lot of people never delete messages or pictures with their exes but that doesn’t mean that they’re still hung up over their ex.

I personally would refrain from going through your partner’s phone not only to respect their privacy, but also to prevent myself from hurting my own feelings (by accidentally seeing pictures of them and their ex together from way back lol).

You don’t trust her and you’ve only been together for a short period of time, a relationship won’t work if there’s no trust. I understand that you guys are in the “trust building” process now but looking into each other’s phone is not the way to go about it. Rather, try to be honest, communicative and transparent with each other.

[Anonymous]

bro chill out... 9 months? are you in an official relationship? serious relationship? dating? either way, with my long term relationship i never ever felt the need to have to switch phones and look through each others stuff. we have trust, plus i have better things to do than be paranoid. work on yourself before getting into a new relationship and learn boundaries.

[Guy13]

You probably should have never confronted her over something you discovered and that was not freely shared. She can't trust you because you don’t trust her and you went through her phone without authorization.

[Sarahplus2]

I would punched you hard for touching my phone. It would be different if you are married for a long period of time. Paranoid F@ck.

[ComradeCurze]

You have some serious trust issues and paranoia. Consider therapy.