I’m confused if my ex boyfriend was a real narcissist? He was very manipulative, gaslighted me , was very unstable in his dedications , had a sense of entitlement ( he could do something to me but if I dared to it to him it would be a massive issue ) lots of hypocrisy. He could never take accountability for his mistakes it would somehow be my fault? He would blame me if I was ever sad or emotional around him.. he would never comfort me and actually mock me if I was sad. I felt he was extremely self centred and the relationship revolved around him and his plans and ideas. I had to be on board with everything or esle I didn’t love him. He often gave me silent treatments to get his way. What confuses me is that he didn’t do the love bomb, devalue and discard cycle the way most narcissists are described? Towards the end of our relationship it got very strenuous with lots of fights … he went and found himself a girlfriend he had behind my back for 4 months. When I found out she was already brainwashed that I was the abusive manipulative one , so when I reached out to her she blocked me straight away. He got very angry at me and blamed me when I found out about her and blocked me everywhere. He didn’t even call me or meet me in person to explain he just blamed me and was extremely cold like he never cared about me. A week later he unblocked me and fooled me into giving him a chance which I begged him for at that stage. He broke it off with the other girl very harshly and came back to me for two days before dumping me and blocking me again. His last “ discard “ wasn’t aggressive though? He actually wrote me an email saying he found someone else and she makes him very happy and he makes her very happy and that he hopes I find happiness and he’s sorry for the past 6 years and that he is continuing his life without me and then I was blocked everywhere on everything.. I’m confused how he can go from dumping me harshly to dumping me more nicely within a week?
It sounds like he may be struggling with his sexuality, and his feelings towards you. You probably get all the narcissistic, negative behavior because he wants you but doesn’t want to be gay. Otherwise, why does he keep specifically finding female companions and try cutting you off so harshly in the process? You deserve more than being someone’s last resort or shameful secret. In fact, you should want a man who owns his identity and does right by you, not put you through such pain like this. That man is just dragging you along, using you to rebound and has no intention to be a proper boyfriend, simply because he does not want to be. So love yourself more than him and walk away.
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Just adding a thought on the question and the way you framed it, maybe having an exact diagnostic on his personality would help you and confirm your feelings of being hurt but in the end you can trust and listen to yourself and respect & and not dismiss your own feelings. He doesn’t need to be a narcissist to hurt you and do damage. Maybe having a diagnostic would help you understand what he did to you but do you really want to ‘understand’ them? Better to keep your sanity and stick to your guts, facts, truth and act accordingly for your own sake and well-being.
I see that you're a guy, which means he's either gay or bi and still hasn't come to grips with it. He loves you, but his insecurities about his sexuality are coming out toward you in the form of anger. I'm as straight as they come, but I do feel bad for guys and gals that can't accept who they are. Maybe it's a societal thing, or maybe it's just them. Either way, I hope he comes around. It sounds to me like he really does want to be with you
Your description possess some narcissistic trait but only counselor can tell you that for certain.
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