Is going back to your ex really that bad?

[Anonymous]

Is going back to your ex that broke up with you really that awful and desperate? I’ve never been the kind of person that could leave her feelings aside and I’ve been having the hardest time for the last two months. There’s not a day I don’t miss my ex and it’s not like I’ll beg him to get into a relationship with me again but I feel like my heart deserves a closure because our break-up happened so sudden, not because one of us lost feelings, not because of cheating, but because of a stupid fight that happened over him getting jealous. Maybe we need to see each other one more time and talk it all out and end it properly even though I don’t want it at all. And everyone is like no contact rule this no contact rule that. I guess I broke that rule anyways when I asked his housemate how he’s doing two weeks ago. Maybe he’ll never come back and I don’t want to keep waiting I don’t want to keep assuming. What do I do? I’m so confused.

[Anonymous]

Going back to your ex rarely works because 9/10 the issue (s) that broke you up in the first place will still be a factor, because these are personality traits he’s spent his whole life developing, and he can’t just shut them off. Sometimes the heart just wants what it wants, so if you find yourself going back then no one can stop you, but I would advise against it. There’s nothing easy about a breakup from someone when you didn’t want that in the first place, and sometimes we don’t get closure. In fact, I believe in a lot of cases, saying you want closure is just an excuse to see him and reverse the situation. That’s why you just find closure on your own so you can move on.

[Asker]

Maybe it will happen again and maybe he’ll stay the same but still I feel like it can’t feel worse than it does now. I miss him so much and I’ve not been doing well mentally and physically for the past two months it only seems to get worse. There were times our relationship felt off but I was definitely better with him.

[Opinion Owner]

If your resolve is to go back to him, then go ahead, it’s your life and no one can stop you. All I can really say though is if your mental and physical health is struggling without him, then maybe it’s best to work on being alone. Learning to be happy and healthy on your own is so important, because you don’t want to be in this place where someone else is your source of happiness and stability— that should start from within. I don't know if you’ve been to therapy or considered it, but if you haven’t then maybe it’s something to look into.

[RiseofArtemis]

What made you leave in the first place. Was he abusive, an asshole a Chad? Never absolutely never go back to someone like that. You are looking through Rose tinted glasses. Smack your cheek to get a clear mind if he was someone like that. How well do you know his past and from there you can evaluade if it would work out. If he got jealous over something small it's likely he'll do again.

[Asker]

he left, i didn’t. he was actually a sweet guy and we had crazy chemistry since day 1, he’d make all his future plans with me and we were obsessed with each other. but he was kind of the jealous and protective type. and then that day he saw my texts with one of my old friends the guy was kind of flirty but it’s just who he is. and then we started arguing over that. and just as i thought the fight was over he brought out this another friend that has a crush on me. he never really liked the fact that i had guy friends anyways so i guess his anger was built up and then it got intense. he left. he called me the next day to wish me happy birthday and that was our last real interaction.

[dudeinohio]

Yes it is. The same issues that caused the breakup will still. be there