First actual established relationship, Should I break up?

[Bruuu]

I'm the kind of guy who always had difficulty getting into relationships, eventually this put me in a very rough place, depression, low self esteem, seperation anxiety.

Long story short, I ended up asking this girl out, I was so blinded by my emotions that I didn't stop to think about my preferences, turn offs, etc.

Big incompability issues aside she says things like "I don't think I would be able to take it if we broke up"...

It just makes me feel like an asshole, she pulled me out of my depressive state, which I'm eternally grateful for, and now that I see things clearly I want to break up... Did I just use her?

Updates

1 y

Update: We broke up, I would like to thank those who shared their knowledge, it truly helped me gather the bravery to do so.

I will spend this time to focus on myself

[PrettyPriya]

All I really needed to read to form an opinion is "big incompatibility issues aside". That is all you need to see to say yes, you should break up. While you don't actually tell us what those are, it doesn't much matter.

If you are not compatible with your partner, you don't have much of a chance at a successful relationship. You never will either. That is something that rarely resolves itself. I don't know what you incompatibilities are, but the fact that you use the term "big" says it all.

Aside from that obvious problem, her saying that she doesn't know what she would do if you broke up is her way of trying to hang on. It is almost like a threat. She is preemptively saying she will "go nuts" or whatever to scare you into not doing it.

You can't let her hold you hostage like that. The relationship isn't going to get better. It isn't going to change. It is time to get out of it if it is that bad. Will it be an easy thing to do? No. Is it the right thing? Yes.

[PrettyPriya]

Ref update: I think you did the right thing. You will be better off. It is never easy to break up with someone, no matter the reason behind it. You are right to focus on yourself right now. Best of luck to you.

[18Uma21]

You have to break up. You didn't use her purposefully

[Guy13]

Tough situation but sometimes things don’t work out.

[Iron_Man]

Don’t do this man up be nice to her date her

[In_Trance]

You have preferences but no prior experience?🤔

[Bruuu]

Well, I'll give you an example.

When she expresses something she likes, I'll attempt to see it from her perspective, see what's good about it, and try to appeal to her and even enjoy it myself.

But when I express something I like, she makes no attempt to understand it or try it, she instantly goes into "You should love me how I am" mode. Which I understand, but I prefer someone who makes an effort to please their partner.

Hope that clarifies

[LazerBean]

If there's no compatibility, there's no point.