Should I give a birthday gift for my ex?

[Anonymous]

I've been keeping his birthday gift for several months. but we... broke up before his birthday. should I give this present to him or not?

I'm still single and he has girlfriend...

we split because he has someone else. but I still love him

[aaron210419]

No do not give it to him, return it or give it to someone else. He's already with someone else, don't put yourself through that. It'll just make you relive the pain of breaking up and what if he rejects the gift? How much more crushing would that be? It hurts to lose someone you love but to keep chasing them when it's over is even more painful.

[Asker]

you made my eyes open... but I don't know why I keep hurting myself. even I feel like I want to be his toy again

[aaron210419]

I've been there, it's almost an addiction. After all the pain you've endured don't put yourself in the way of even more. I wish I could say life gets easier but there are no guarantees, so the last person you should want to hurt is yourself. Maybe sometimes feeling the pain is the only thing you have to know you're still able to feel, but use this as a chance to grow. If you feel you can't do it alone then find a counselor and don't be ashamed if that's what it takes.

[Asker]

I couldn't find a counselor...

[aaron210419]

www.betterhelp.com
You can do it, no one deserves to suffer in pain alone.

[Asker]

have you tried that?

[aaron210419]

No not personally, but I've heard good things about it and honestly you may not need it. Everyone processes trauma differently, you have to be the judge of that. Just allow yourself the right amount of time to heal and keep yourself busy.

[Asker]

how did you cope with that

[aaron210419]

What I went through was a 9 year relationship with a covert narcissist which left me questioning everything down to who I was. I blamed myself and was willing to do anything to stay together, slowly the truth started to come out and she had cheated, and still played the victim, and then it didn't make sense to blame myself because I knew I did everything I could. I got over it slowly, hating myself, but doing everything I could to keep my mind busy. I was working 12 hours a day and doing side jobs after, I started writing again and trying to remember who I was before my ex, and I researched everything I could get my hands on to do with phycology. Mostly time helped, don't get sucked down this hole. It's a lonely long way down before you hit the bottom unless you allow yourself to let it go.

[Asker]

I can't work 12 hours long, I fell ill. the sadness attacking my stomach. so now Im having long term gastritis. sometimes I wish to leave the job and rest. but stay at home for so long, would kill me inside. I feel like I want to travel alone and settle in somewhere. sad.. I don't have much money to do that.

[aaron210419]

Yep, I felt that way too. Every night I'd lay in bed staring at the ceiling and then when I did fall asleep I'd always wish I could just live in my dreams. Sometimes you have to just force yourself to do the things you have to do, you can't waste away in bed especially over someone who didn't seem to have trouble sleeping when they hurt you. I'm sorry, but the real world doesn't care and will pass you by quickly. Pick yourself up, set some goals, if things get to feel overwhelming try a creative outlet like writing, drawing, or even listening to music that speaks to you. Personally I listened to a lot of Bright Eyes. Traveling is an amazing way to learn and grow as a person but it's not cheap especially these days, maybe that could be a goal. This is not the end of the road for you, you're still young and it would be a shame to shut yourself in instead of learning from this. You got this, one step at a time just as long as you're moving forward.

[Asker]

thank you, I'll try to make my goals works. 😊

[aaron210419]

Small obtainable goals, and this will help you get to know yourself again. If things get stressful don't forget to stop and breathe. Good luck, and take care of yourself like you're someone you love.

[Asker]

❤️ thank you for your advice

[aaron210419]

You're welcome

[Summeroflove]

If you want to. It’s a very nice gesture. Get him a gift

[DoctorSex]

No, don't give it to him. No reason for you to. You'll reopen old wounds.

Kind regards,
DoctorSex

[Meatunnel69]

Sure if you still love him why not but if you push it too far you venture into stalker territory. Best way to do it is offer it to him like “hey I already got this for you awhile ago” and leave it at that.

[all_hayl]

Do what you want……but I wouldn’t. Could stir up emotions etc.

[Anonymous]

No please because no guy like to see his old donated toys on his birthday.

[KrakenAttackin]

Hell no.

[In_Trance]

No... smh