We're not official...But he hooked up with his ex....Do I forgive him?

[DizzyLizzy]

Hey everyone, I really, really, really like this guy. He's super nice, and I really feel like I could have fallen in love with him. We have been casually dating for about 6 weeks.

Last week, he was really late to one of our dates, and when I called him out on it, he was really vague.

Turns out he was late because he was talking to a friend about how he had hooked up with his ex and felt terrible about it.

He still hasn't said anything to me, and I have a feeling he will. Should I drop him? I feel like if he liked me enough, he wouldn't have f***ed up. I know he needed some time, and I was giving it to him, but this seems like a deal breaker.

Updates

+1 y

He just texted me asking if we could talk after my shift tonight. Not sure I even want to respond. I imagine he must have found out that I know something.

[superuss]

I kinda agree with dudeman and feel 6 weeks is normally enough time to make a connection. However every case is different. So if you have doubts, then I suggest talking to him. I would let him know that he has hurt you. Find out what he wants in a relationship with you, and go from there.

Sometimes being "official" is a bigger deal for some people. I don't know if it would have made a difference to him or not. Try to get his side of the story before making any decision to leave.

Unless he has a child with his ex, he should be willing to never see her again. If he can't agree to that, then I would suggest leaving him.

[taster]

What does "casual dating" mean? I mean were you two operating with the understanding that it was a steady relationship? Becuz that would be a breach of trust. If you were not and he feels "terrible" then maybe you want to keep the relationship intact. Maybe prompt him and see what he has to say about backsliding with ex?

[DizzyLizzy]

A week before this happened, we had a talk and said we would just let the chips fall where they may, because he needed to take things slow. I said that although we weren't serious, I wasn't pursuing anyone else. He said the same. He also said he was no longer interested in her, but that they occasionally hang out.

[taster]

Well you can dump him if you want..but if I am to guess..he probably IS feeling terrible about it..and is now scared to bring it up with you...I would have a talk with him and tell him that you will NOT be competing with an ex...now or any other time. .sex with ex ain't that great...

[DiamondKutt]

Well, since you're not official, he technically can do whatever he wants. However, I agree that he should've been more considerate to your feelings. Besides, it's not like it was a random girl; it was his ex.

He probably still has a connection with his ex. I would keep a close eye on this. If you two were to actually become official, his ex might come back & get in the way of everything. It's clear he still has feelings for her.

I would have a serious talk about it. You don't have to call it quits, but be cautious.

[girlie101]

Same thing happened to me but after he appoligised and told me If I wasn't really what he wanted would he be here talking to me now? So I forgave him and if you trust this guy and he appoligises then I think you shud too. People make mistakes and regret things especially if he was under the influence of a drug. lay it down for him once he does tho. If you don't want him hooking up with other girls then tell him you rnt OK with it, if he actually cares about you he'll understand and won't ever slip again :)

[pepper01]

hate to say this but if your not officially his girlfriend you're just a hook up and he's going to do whatever he wants since he's single

[dudeman]

only a certain type of guy does that, and that's the type women shouldn't date anyways

[pepper01]

and that's the type of guy she sounds like she's dating

[DizzyLizzy]

I am good friends with his cousin, she claims he's never done anything like this before...

[dudeman]

that she knows of

[pepper01]

his cousin isn't there while he's having sex so she can't say. people only know what you tell them. sorry but you might have to find a better guy. if he really liked you he wouldn't have slept with someone else

[dudeman]

no 6 weeks of casual dating means he shouldn't be doing anything with anybody, if he was serious about the girls he's meeting and wanting a relationship then he wouldn't do that, and yes if he liked you enough he wouldn't have done that

[dudeman]

listen lady, tis been six weeks, you are already having problems with his behavior and moral code, I would consider this a get out of jail free card

[DizzyLizzy]

You're probably right :(

[jerseygirl26]

Until you're in a "relationship" you can't get mad. I'd definitely watch out though because obviously there's some attachments to the ex still. Give it time and take it slow and see what happens!

[dudeman]

you can't get mad but this is something to stop dating a person over

[Temporary12]

Well, what does casual mean. Does it mean not serious? Not committed, open? If so, what is it to you. If not, are you sure you made it clear how you felt? Want him to read your mind?

[DizzyLizzy]

A week before this happened, we had a talk and said we would just let the chips fall where they may, because he needed to take things slow. I said that although we weren't serious, I wasn't pursuing anyone else. He said the same. He also said he was no longer interested in her, but that they occasionally hang out.

[Temporary12]

Hmmm, well if I was you I wouldn't trust him.

[Quadrophonic84]

You're either committed or not. If not, he can do whatever the hell he wants.