Why do you think my boyfriend I’ve been friends/dating just shut down and broke up? I wish he would have done things in a mature kind way. I was mad at him for not wanting to be with me for New Year’s Eve. We had that stress. He asked me out on a date just two Fridays ago but I canceled on him. He waited two days to confirm and waited only a couple hours before it was supposed to start. I made other plans because I didn’t know what happened. I asked him to reschedule two weeks in a row but he ignored and I finally said since you’re ignoring, I am done. Then he replied and said I said we were done three times. So I wrote really kind sweet things to him wishing him the best and happiness. I didn’t do anything to deserve this. He has high stress and ptsd from the military and his job as a deputy now. He’s also very introverted has a hard time being around people even his own family. He has a lot of issues. I feel he’s shut down many times in the past because of the trauma he’s been through. But still a very childish way. I wish we had met in person and ending on loving terms. I’m pretty sure it was another girl and that’s why he didn’t want to face me because he knows I’m such a kind person didn’t want to hurt me but I still wish he had seen me in person. I asked him to forgive me if I hurt him in anyway and I still wanted to work through things and said the kind things. His last reply was “Stay safe out there Jessica. Don’t be complacent and Godbless.” Just totally disconnected but he once told me he can just in a second detach from caring and it’s from his military training. I’m really sad as I really loved him and I had a hard time communicating my needs in the relationship and it was a painful one. He kept me at arms length didn’t let me in. I wish I had texted him if we could please meet in person as it’s the adult thing to do and we dated were friends for the past 5 years. 3 years of dating. Would it look desperate and needy to go back and ask him to meet?
Most Helpful Opinions
I think the best thing you can do it move on from him asap. In a way that’s better for you and let’s say a “revenge” for him to realize what he lost.
Try to meet other people out there that are easy to
Communicate that care and most importantly are EMPATH. Bring an infj whatever is just stupid personality test they don’t define your personality as in reality you have to see their actions not their online personality what it says etc. This guy has non of this which makes it you look bad you like him. Because you really don’t have to like someone as him. I truly suggest you let those men-made feeling fly away within a week and enter a healthy dating scene with a guy who wants to settle like within a year. As a women have pride never let a guy date you for this LONG 3-5-7 whatever years. We are women we need respect and our time is restricted. I know my comment might sound harsh but in a way let’s say I have been were you are but I fought hard to let those men made feelings stupid chemical reactions ruin my life go away right away tried hard to meet new people, somehow universe do listen to you I joined a language app for my job and I found the men I’m married now I’m pregnant now I’m your age.
Don’t waste your time please if you care about your life forget about him today. He is not mentally stable.
You said he was introverted, and shut off, so to me it sounds like he chose this option because it felt easier for him, so you shouldn’t be too surprised at his choices.
I would imagine he wouldn’t have liked or been able to deal with any emotional fallout if he done that in person.
Made his mind up. You don’t need to end things in a loving way, whatever that means. He sent you a nice message. What else is there?
Look after yourself and try and come to terms with things.14
Sorry to hear that someone gives up so easily after so much time together, it’s not easy dealing with it but think things through and do some online research because the more you beg and plead the lower he will value you at.
You need to go into no contact if you want any chance of getting him back. You message him and beg him to stick around and he will know that he can always come back to you because you don’t respect yourself and lack of respect to you is what has caused this.
Write yourself a list of all the things you want in a relationship and then look at it to see if he ticked most of those boxes, I know of a few he didn’t tick. Then you should decide if you do want to be with him.
don’t beg, don’t message, work on yourself and he will regret losing you0
What Girls & Guys Said
Oh my. That’s cold. Sorry to hear that.2
I understand your need and want for closer but the fact that he didn't love you after three years, just shows there was no hope in that relationship. It seems he was just using you or trying to be with you for whatever reason when he should of just ended it a long time ago instead of dragging you around after him and wasting your time. I wouldn't worry about it he seems like a coward, who couldn't even face you in the end because he knew what he did was wrong. So obviously you are gonna need some time to get over it but don't dwell on it, he has the problem not you and I hope you feel better soon! <312
Yeah as soon as I heard "boyfriend/ friend " it sure sounded to me it was over between you two. when a girl says yeah he was my "best friend"... but he was your boyfriend then it means you are taking him for granted and your love/attraction faded. He saw that and he left. Some guys recognize what's really going when women stop respecting their man and immediately take action and leave her. It's what happened to you. Yes it's very likely he had a girl lined up and replaced you.1
There is a good chance his feelings for you died a long time ago. He was just dragging his feet on breaking up with you24
No I don't think that is desparate, I think it's good if can do break as adults. I actually had that happen with prior girlfriend and it was fine. as long as you feel safe with him and you don't plan on jacking with is emotions, id think ok. I'd do so in a public place.
guys have ability to disconnect like that, some of them. to switch on and off. and that's the problem, you want through that to the emotions and he has you blocked.1
You need to stop. He probably broke up through text because he just wanted to be done. No more talking or arguing, no more indecisiveness of false breakups from you, no more apologies, he’s just done. I’m sorry if the breakup wasn’t all heartfelt and flowery but that’s just how it is sometimes, even after having been together for years. Accept what it is and start doing the work to heal on your own. There’s just too much damage there.6
So you think he met someone else because he didn't want to see you face to face? Very doubtful.
You say he broke up, but you said you were done three times? Sounds like you beat him to it.1
Chances are that he knows you will give him puppy eyes and talk him out of it. Or maybe y'all argue a lot and he was trying to avoid that. Or maybe its because he actually does respect you as a person and just wanted to go a different route in life that he didn't see you being cool with. Maybe he's gay.1
Just ignore him.. he thinks highly of himself..
He will be ok if you ignore him.. don't give importance11
It's funny how women want to text a man all day long but when he breaks up over text it's crazy and out of the blue. lol sounds like he was just communicating the way you taught him.11
You called it friends/dating, if that wasn't solid to begin with, I am not surprised. It was going to end either way.0
I'm so sorry you have to go through this but he's an asshole move one he's not worth it. Trust me its his loss10
I think you guys are done. Probably best to just move on.0
Seems like you guys need to talk. I’d try and talk to him in person (go to his house) and if he shuts me out I’ll give him some time.0
By the way you described him, you think very low of him. I would not blame him for a second of choosing to be done. You made your bed0
You broke up! "I finally said since you’re ignoring, I am done" Stop acting like a victim.1
It sounds like your relationship with your boyfriend has been complex and challenging, both for you and for him. He has experienced trauma and has difficulty being around people, which may have made it difficult for him to communicate and connect with you. It's possible that his decision to end the relationship was related to his own difficulties and not necessarily because of something you did.
It's understandable that you are feeling hurt and disappointed by the way the relationship ended. It's important to remember that communication and understanding are key in any relationship. It may be beneficial to reflect on what you could have done differently in the relationship and how you could have better communicated your needs.
As for your question about whether it would look desperate or needy to reach out and ask to meet in person, it depends on the context and how you approach the situation. If you reach out in a sincere and respectful manner, expressing your desire to have closure and to say goodbye in person, it's possible that he would be open to it. However, it's also important to respect his decision if he does not want to meet in person and to give him space to process the end of the relationship.