My boyfriend of 5 years just broke up with me a week ago?

[notnamingmyself]

He has been verbally and physically abusive for the past 5 months. It’s so hard for me to get over him because I genuinely loved him and no matter how much big the fight was i never uttered a bad word for him. Even after being called a slut bitch and so many more things till the end i kept begging him not to leave me. Even after i found out he was cheating on me i was the one that begged him to realise how wrong he did to me and should apologise but he never did. I lost my self respect and worth because of this guy. I just wanna get over him but there were times he actually loved me and showed sm care that i miss that version of him and i dont know what to do anymore.

[PrettyPriya]

You need to remind yourself of how horrible he is. I don't know why a person would beg to have a cheater back in their life. You might want to think about professional counseling. Your behaviour towards someone that is abusive is worrying.

At least they can guide you on how to get over someone. If you can't do it on your own after he cheated and abused you, there is little anyone here can say. You just need to stay away from him.

Anytime you get an urge to contact him, you need to be able to resist it, which doesn't sound like something you can do. Myself and other users don't have a secret to magically get over someone. Each individual is different and each situation is as well.

Honestly, I personally would have no problem getting over someone that called me offensive names and cheated. In fact, the very first time they did it, it would be over. You just keep going back, no matter the circumstances, which means he has learned that he can keep doing it to you because you aren't going anywhere.

[notnamingmyself]

There’s a whole lot of story behind me not leaving him. I come from a conservative family and religion where you’re not allowed to have sex before marriage. We did it because he promised me that he would marry me and i kept begging him not to leave me at the end because I’m too afraid to marry someone else or if my parents find out. Besides this I’ve realised i grew too attached to him that my entire universe surrounded him. Imagine being used to someone them being there in your daily routine for 5 years and then they leave you like this.

[PrettyPriya]

Change "being used to" to "being used by" and I think you will get what I am saying. Would your parents be upset if they knew that this guy was abusing their daughter? Would they approve of his cheating?

[lightbulb27]

going to hurt for a while, but you'll get to feeling better again in time and get to a better place. It's a time to process those feelings, find what makes you feel good, find yourself again, and learn all you can from that.

A lot of this relationship stuff you'll find out is childhood programing... often trauma. People aren't functioning as mature adults but children. If I had to make a guess from the short writeup, your boyfriend doesn't love himself and felt rejected as a child. By rejecting you and abusing you, he's doing what he was trained to do by his parent, probably mom. WAG and I could be off base, there's a lot that goes on in 5 years. Either way, he was pushing you away, that isn't always about you. Often it is about themselves and how they feel. All that behavior is an effort to trash the relationship, sub consciously.

Maybe he was "narcissistic"... you begging him to stay after all that has some bad patterns in it, like you maybe did't have much strength/self left.

Therapists can help, but you can do a lot on your own, learning, growing.

When you take the pile of misery and find the value in it for your personal growth, healing yourself at deeper levels, you come out of it stronger.

Better days ahead, but takes time.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry to hear that kiddo. I remember when I was 18, this girl I was w for two years cheated on me, she got pregnant. I was devastated. I felt like that was it, o couldn’t go on. She was my everything. But 20 plus years later i thank her for that cause I’ve achieved so much more. I understand you probably can’t comprehend that right now. Not cause you’re not smart enough to, I think at your age your mentality like mine at the time was that of someone who never really experienced life. You will be ok, trust me. Right now it seems like the worst thing I the world, I get it. But years from now you will wonder what you were thinking at that time. I know I do. Hang in there. The only thing right now you can do is occupy that time that was devoted to him. That’s what it’s going to take. Time. You don’t need to be w someone who is verbally as well as physically abusive. You may not be so lucky the next time of you were to take him back assuming he came back. I seriously hope you don’t. A part of me says he will come back after he’s done what he’s done w other girls to try to get you back. Please don’t. Love yourself, he doesn’t. You deserve to be happy. Imagine if you had a sister in this situation. What would you tell her?

[Kamiljan1995]

You’re in love with the guy that he used to be. Not the guy that he turned into. Judging by your age it’s your first serious heartbreak and the pain certainly sucks for quite a long time.

With time you’ll start feeling better but until then start working on yourself and becoming the best, most attractive version of yourself that makes them regret ever treating you like that.

It might not be today or tomorrow, but you’ll feel better eventually and heartbreak is a great time to improve yourself

[greycadillacs]

If someone loves you they will not mentally, emotionally, or physically abuse you. It’s simple as that. You deserve so much better, and you will be so much better without, despite the times he was good and loving. Those moments are not worth any amount of abuse. A healthy relationship should be completely free of that abuse.

[Anonymous]

You need to learn to love yourself, you are allowing yourself to be degraded because you are seeking external validation.

[joeldalton]

Best way to get over a guy is to get under another one.

[In_Trance]

Ok, so what are you asking here?

[notnamingmyself]

How to move on from him and resist the urge to not keep going back to him and forgiving him

[In_Trance]

Delete your history, block all contact and don't look back. The sooner you do, the sooner you'll move on