Is it typical for exes to contact each other even if they agreed not to meet again?

[Anonymous]

I have a friend from work who told me she usually contacts her exes even if they were not serious or people she only flirted with. Like usually months after they break up. I have been to scared to do it but is it common? And does it work?

[WaterIsland]

It depends on the circumstances. Be prepared for him to not reply or shut things down.


But if you’re still interested, then what’s the worst that could happen?

[Asker]

I have never done it but I respect people who can

[WaterIsland]

I understand. But what’s the worst that can happen? He says he’s not interested? Well then nothing changed, and at least you have a sense of knowing and finality.

[Asker]

I guess.. but double rejection can be hurtful. Or there’s like a 50% chance he will have a change of mind and say yeah let’s meet again. I don't know if it’s worth

[Asker]

Have you done it? Just curious

[WaterIsland]

Very true. That’s why you have to go into it with zero expectations. Expect that nothing will change and if it does, great. I have done it, with varying success. The last time was more because of lack of closure, which I didn’t end up getting either. Don’t think I approached it the right way tho.

[Asker]

For me there was closure and it was that he was not boyfriend material and only interested in sex.. he had told me he didn’t want to hurt my feelings after doing something. I didn’t quite get this though because we had grabbed lunch and dinner and so it didn’t seem to me like he was all about an hook up. Apparently he had a problem with another girl about this. Ya it was weird. Though he said it is possible he changes his mind in the future because he’s unstable. That’s why I respected his feelings and didn’t contact him but who knows what the future holds

[WaterIsland]

Ahh. That’s really tough to come back from then. Even if things did work, there is still a lot of negative history there then. If I were you, I probably would try to move on and not text him, and hopefully find someone better. I wouldn’t text an ex under those circumstances.