Why is marriage so difficult to maintain? Nearly 70% of divorces are initiated by women. Why do you think that is?
Almost 45% of first marriages in the US end in divorce. What is your opinion on the rising divorce trends in the world?
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Anonymous
(25-29)
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I am going to ruffle some feathers here, but I'll say it anyway because it's a fact and we are doing ourselves no favors by tiptoeing around it. The institution of marriage is dying a fast death and it's mostly women who are killing it. Half of marriages end in divorce, women initiate the vast majority of them, and lack of commitment is the number 1 reason for divorce today.
Many women argue infidelity is the cause, but studies show men and women cheat at similar rates, and women actually cheat more than men when younger.
Looking at the divorce rates among straight, gay and lesbian couples is very telling. The highest rate, by far, is among lesbian couples, and the lowest is among gay couples. Straight couples are somewhere in between. In other words, the more women involved in a marriage, the more likely it will end in divorce.
Modern women are destroying marriage, and in many ways western society. We need to start holding them accountable for their behavior rather than sparing their feelings and continuing to give them a pass.
This answer is going to anger people, but you asked the question, so I'm going to answer it.
The two main causes of divorce, are money and sex. The money part can be managed by creating an on or offline spreadsheet. You dump your pay checks in the hopper, and the spreadsheet spits the money out into various accounts. Come up with as many accounts that you can think of. Then just live within your means.
The sex part is tricky. I've talked to tons of people online. A guy asks me why his wife stopped liking sex. I tell him that she never stopped liking sex. She just stopped liking sex with YOU. That's as far as I'm going to take this conversation on a site like this one.
I don't believe money and sex are the only factors, nor are they in the majority. I'm not a marriage counselor, but there is more to life than money. The sex thing, I would like to know why isn't it happening before mentioning the divorce.
I didn't say those were the only factors, they are the main factors. If one party spends money like a drunken sailor, there's going to be problems. If one party puts the brake on sex, there's going to be problems.
Dating and the single life are all fun and games. Parties, chocolates, flowers, wine and dining... Marriage is a serious partnership. And with that comes tough love and hard decisions. Reality sucks shit. Just the nature of marriage destroys romance. It's no one's fault, it's just the way it is. Resentment doesn't destroy your sex drive, it just makes you NOT want to have sex with the person you resent. You can still love the person and care about them, but when the pilot light goes out, it's out. That's when you just cohabitate with your partner and become cardboard cutouts. Monogamy is a failed experiment, but this is the wrong site to discuss that. Just keep talking about the white picket fence. If you've ever read the book, or seen the movie: "Of Mice and Men." Lenny needs to believe that someday him and George will have a farm, and Lenny can tend to the rabbits. They never get a farm, and they don't get any rabbits, but it was a nice sentiment for Lenny.
@muskratlove Agreed w/ all of it. I would say most guys make the mistake of getting married too early which is why these two problems arise. Hard to make enough money to support a family when your young as the peak earning age of men is around 45. Difficult to keep a women sexually satisfied when your inexperienced, 30% of men under 30 are virgins, so they aren't going to be good at sex. in my opinion men shouldn't get married until they are - At least 35 - Have had sex w/ a minimum of 50 women - Have a minimum of 6 months worth I'm savings account - Have had a job or career for at least two years.
@Vegasrunner depends on the type of woman. Such a man would gross me out. I could never let him touch me knowing he had touched so many women's genitalia.
I married very young, and divorced very young. Believing that life is a bed of roses, doesn't mean that life is a bed of roses. This is a topic that shouldn't be discussed on a site like this. It's best to just let people find out the hard way.
@marish01 That's exactly why a guy needs to have been w/ at least 50 women so he can easily move on from you and find a better woman. I guy w/ limited options may spend his time and energy trying to justify this to you but a man of value simply picks the next chick in the rotation. Problem is to many guys date from a scarcity mindset, which leads women to believe they are more important than they are. In reality if a man has options it's not going to matter to him what "grosses" one girl out.
@Vegasrunner I wouldn't give such a man a chance hence he doesn't even have to move on from me. I wouldn't go on a date with low quality men aka promiscuous men. The very idea that his body had been in so many genitalia makes me sick in the stomach.
@MuskratLove I disagree. in my opinion GAG is the perfect platform to discuss this topic because writing has a way of limiting emotional responses. Also their are very few platforms that allow men to observe true female behavior in volume. For women marrying young is smart because it allows them to take advantage when their value is at their highest. Men don't really reach their value until later in life so it's a mistake to marry super early. How old was your husband when you got married?
@marish01 My point is why do you keep telling me what type of man you want? It's not relevant at all to the conversation. A "low quality" man can't be promiscuous because if he was of low quality women wouldn't be attracted to him. You may personally not be attracted to him but there's simply too many available women for a man to focus on what one woman likes.
@marish01 Lol, women always shame other women as a coping method for their own insecurities. For men one of the main proofs of you value is the ability to attract many women. U may not like it but men that can attract women will always be viewed as High Value by society.
@marish01 That is very possible, but that doesn't make him a high value man. It's no different than people's children, your kid os special to you but that doesn't mean they're not a loser. I think you're on the right track though, try to find a basic average guy and pretend he's valuable. Most women however aren't looking for that they want a top tier man, which is why I tell guys to train to put themselves in that category. Once you do you'll have way more than one desperate women claiming your HV.
@marish01 That's an opinion you're welcome to hold but it's not relevant to the conversation there are millions of women in the world why would anyone focus on what one bitter women thinks?
@marish01 Its not me using terms like "garbage" you sound bitter and it's rejected in your response. There's nothing even in the conversation for me to hold any emotion about as these are simply life facts
@marish01 That's what makes you sound bitter. For one your making the mistake believing what you think matters. It's makes u sound even more pathetic because you're attempting to make the argument that men that are valued by multiple women are garbage, when history contradicts you. Every man in the history of the world that has been able to sleep with multiple woman has been recognized as a man of value. Meaning that your believe is not only false but stems from the cold fact that u haven't been able to keep a man that other women want to yourself. Since women can't take responsibility you've decided to try to use shaming language as a way to cop w/ your failures. It's pretty standard.
@marish01 Unfortunately you're statement isn't relevant to the point. What you are providing is an individual prefrence to a statement designed to give men a road map to male measured success. The fact that u personally claim to not be interested in that guy has no bearing on whether or not that road map does or does not set the man up for success. If a man does the things originally mention. - Gains life experience - Gains suxual experience - Saves Money - Achieves in his career He will attract so many women that he won't need to concern himself w/ one outlier. Many men are successful with women w/o being able to attract specifically you.
@marish01 But that's all that matters. Men are judged by the number of women they can get. U can hold whatever view you want, however yourstatement is contradictory because a man who can be promiscuous by definition has to be bringing a lot of value to the table. Or do u believe its easier for men to get sex than women? The point is those 4 traits are the traits that will allow men to reach their goals w/ the majority of women in the world. Will their be some that will be "grossed out" maybe (although not sure what's so gross about having a financial future?) But as long as a man had a steady stream of women then he's doing everything correctly. You're POV is the typical female narrsasstic view that mistakenly believes that if u don't like something then it matters to everyone else. There's really no reason for u to jump in and share your preferences because it not reflective of general society. You didn't prove that it depends on the woman instead u validated my belief that women don't understand relationships from both ends.
@Vegasrunner why are you still offended that I mentioned my preferences. As if it's a crime. In all your responses you complain that I brought up that I brought up my own preferences. "Will their be some that will be "grossed out" maybe (although not sure what's so gross about having a financial future?) " Did I say bring rich or financially stable is gross? I said promiscuity is gross. I would respect the man if he REJECTS sluts (hookups)
@marish01 Not sure what you're referring to, u prefence has no bearing on me so not sure what these is to be "offended" about. My point is your personal preference is irrelevant to the conversation. You contacted me, claiming that it "depends" on the women and are attempting to use your preference as a validation. I'm saying your personal prefremce doesn't have any relevance to the conversation. It's not if a man has u, it's if a man has options. U not being an option doesn't take away his options, there's no guarantee that that man would even want u so not sure why u keep bringing it up.
@Vegasrunner just to say that some women including me find the idea of men being with so many random women they met at bars absolutely disgusging. I never said all women think so.
@marish01 But that would be false. It depends on the number of women you talk to. These traits are not designed to get you, they're designed to provide men w/ options and if I lined up 1000 women 950 of them will want a man that has reached those milestones. If u so happen to fall into the category of the 50 who don't, how does that effective the guy at all. Furthermore there's no guarantee that a hv that has hit those milestones would want you anyway, so I don't understand why u feel prompted to share your personal preferences w/ me.
@Vegasrunner you still can't get over the fact that I mentioned my preferences as if was illegal. Which men do women prefer? Attractive and rich men who reject sluts vs attractive and rich men who sleep around with sluts.
@marish01 Think you're coming up w/ the complete opposite conclusion. I don't have any opinion on your preference one way or the other. My point is that one person's personal preference doesn't matter in the grand scheme of thing. Women are just a numbers game, the more you attract, the more you're likely to bang. You keep mentioning what u likes as if it is relevant and I'm telling u it isn't. Again the statement is to help men increase their chances w/ more women, not for men to increase their chances w/ u. I'm sure there's some women that don't like attractive men w/ money, I'm also sure there's women that like short fat men, it doesn't matter, the goal is to be attractive to most women. So while I appreciate u sharing your preferences w/ me it doesn't have any relevance to the conversation and is a bit narcissistic in my opinion.
I think people divorce for two reasons, abusive behaviour, or laziness, or an unwillingness by one or both people to compromise. But I know married couples that are not divorced that should be divorced. Two jobless or low wage people I know married to abusers they cannot divorce cause they need the money.
Nobody should get divorced God hates divorce. I believe the right answer is they should have picked the right ones to marry and married for the right reasons.
@slatyb Mark 10:8-9 Mark 10:8-9 NKJV and the two shall become one flesh’; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”
Divorce is so high because women are not only encouraged to treat their husband and father of their kids as disposable but also rewards them financially.
85% of divorces are intiated by wives. 80% of divorces wouldn't happen if there was no alimony, no getting half his wealth, default child custody was 50/50 with no child support.
1. People get married based solely on physical/sexual attraction and not on being compatible morally, having compatible long term life goals, having an acceptable past to their partner's liking.
2. People damage their relationships with social media, whether that is posting provocative/revealing pictures for attention, giving attention to other people that make those kinds of posts, posting their problems/disagreements for others to see and comment on, or constantly comparing their relationship/lives to others, even though they often don't see many negative aspects of others' relationships in the public posts so they think things could be better as nd become disappointed in their relationship over something deceptive/fake.
Can't speak for the rest of the world, but divorces in U. S. are so high because women couldn't change a man.
Almost all of the women who initiate a divorce already knew from the very beginning that their man had issues or things about him that they either didn't like or thought he should change, but they stayed with him anyway in the hopes that he would change, or in the hopes that they could fix him. So what happens is that over time, the woman gets sick of it and can't take it anymore and she's ready to leave.
Tons of women try to convince people of the reason why they divorce so much because they need to feel justified for doing it, instead of acknowledging how they fucked up. I completely understand divorces where there was cheating, abuse, etc. but for 70% of divorces to be called by women? Something else is going on that they're not telling us.
This is why men should never marry. There's no benefits for men. It's all risk. Western women are entitled and selfish. Divorce is dropping only because marriage is at an historic all time low. Name one benefit that men get from marriage that can't be had outside of marriage. Then aside from risks men face, sex usually slows or stops as there's nothing women are trying to impress a man any longer. They don't stay loyal. They don't have children or give their best years to her husband anymore.
Unreasonable expectations from women who has been so sheltered from the world that they don't even understand how it works. I see no other solutions then let them go through the same steel bath as men for a couple of generations andmaybe they will be greatful again in a few generations. Instead of asking for more than that can be given.
LOL You know that the divorce rates have been dropping right? Women do the majority domestic and emotional labor in their marriages... maybe it isn't that they have unrealistic expectations as much as wanting a partner who is able to contribute more to a relationship than just a pay check.
As a man, I can completely agree with that. But also, we can factor in that women have become more financially independent than they were before. The traditional patriarchal values in society are pretty much dead though.
suzzieQ I think no marriage is equal, individually you might be right. But men work longer hours, work at more dangerous jobs, they are more likely to change jobs, move and they are more likely to get a promotion. They are in general, less agreeable than women.
But it's really not, its still very much alive... there is a reason that men are still head of household in most heteronormative marriages. And on average a woman who work the same hours as her husband still do the majority of domestic and emotional labor.
Well, my dad spends over 12 hours a day in the office on the daily basis. His words are; I can't tell you how much would I like to trade places with your mother to be at home doing anything she does, being in a garden or to spend time with my kids. And nobody expects it from him to do even more when he gets home. I just think its the matter of balance.
Not neccesarily, my parents are old school, hell would freeze over if they somehow got separated, where something is missing, the other one fills in the blanks. I'm not saying it isn't possible, but for them, death would probably be the reason of separation. It is admirable how they work together and solve life problems. I don't know what you mean by financial reward and I'm not familiar with other country laws, but where I live, everything that was aquired in the marriage is split 50/50, everything before marriage belongs to the person who owned it.
Typical women gibberish, there is no emotional labor, and domestic labor is handle by machines and robots these days, so not much work left these days in that.
@Adam1978 emotional labor [emotional labor] NOUN the mental activity required to manage or perform the routine tasks necessary for maintaining relationships and ensuring smooth running of a household or process, typically regarded as an unappreciated or unacknowledged burden borne disproportionately by women:
Definition of Domestic Labor (noun) The numerous tasks associated with maintaining a household
@Leopard23 Despite half of all marriages ending in divorce, only 11% of couples state that there’s a chance their marriage could end in divorce and less than 5% have a prenup in place to protect their interests should they divorce 15% of divorcees wish they had put a prenup in place before getting married If your prenup is drafted correctly (with the help of an experienced attorney), it can override Equitable Distribution State Law and Community Property Law Prenups are thrown out when it matters most (during a divorce) all the time because they aren’t drafted to hold up in a court of law; hiring an experienced attorney is critical to ensure your prenup is solid and enforceable
LOL most experts would disagree with that. Humans are emotional creatures, so unless you are sociopath, relationships, parenting, many jobs and managing a household require emotional labor. You should try and expand your perspective by reading up on what emotional labor is.
The best protection against divorce is not getting married. And we see that people understand that in the statistics. So if you want to reverse it, you need to change the reasons, ie change the divorce laws so it actually encourages staying together. And divorce is a loss for whoever performs it. Never a gain unless you count freedom from a person which can have a high value.
Yes but it could have been avoided if you actually would have used what is between your ears, instead of emotions and unrealistic idealism. So I see it as a proof women are unable to lead a society in current mind state.
Thats because the divorce rates are dropping. Lol the legal system isn't making it happen, it just gives people the right to choose not to be trapped in marriages that they dont want to be in.
@suzzieQ I'm just looking at google stats real quick...
"After the marriage rate hit a 50-year low in 2020 (i. e., 28.1 marriages per 1,000 unmarried women), the marriage rate dropped slightly lower in 2021 to 28.0 marriages per 1,000 unmarried women. More than 2 million women (2,052,806) married in 2021."
Do you think there is a chance the divorce rates could be dropping because marriage rates are also dropping?
Depends on what stats are you looking at, based on a specific country or the entire world. If its the world stat, you're right to an extent, for last year only. Its far from the real picture when you take single countries and other factors into consideration, what I based my opinion in the first place.
@Tom404 I'm looking specifically at America... United States of America. If this is about the world then I'll just drop out of the conversation. I've lived outside of here and feel differently about other places.
@Tom404 I'm being honest as I can but trying to be objective about assumptions. I made a pretty bold assertion to begin with and I'm not trying to even be right... I'd love for someone like @suzzieQ to prove my initial assertions incorrect. I just realized I'm solely focused on the U. S... and I didn't specify otherwise, that was my bad.
Ah shit... Maldives... I don't know shit about it, and I got to look it up. I want to ask questions about it (racial) but I'll do my own research instead of making every leftist on here hate the shit out of me.
Let me just say I have some assumptions before I go on this quest. I have reasons.
Yea the reasons for such high divorce rates are relatively easy to find out, I already did my research for Maldives and race isn't one of the reasons :)
Oh for sure that has something to do with it. Women dont have to marry to survive anymore, so more and more commonly women are getting married to who the want because they want not getting married to survive.
That number isn't right. The total percentage of all marriages might be that high. But first marriages isn't anywhere near that high. People with second and third divorces drive the average much higher and distort the numbers.
Nor is it rising. The divorce rate has been decreasing for quite some time now.
I just saw a post where multiple people explained they were/had divorced for insurance, since it wouldn't cover them as a couple but individually it would. And that makes me think there are maybe a lot more factors than just the marriage failing that could cause a divorce.
Because people (especially women) aren't settling for the bare minimum anymore. Back a long time ago women had to settle and be with a man just so she could be able to live. Now a days it's not that way anymore and us women want a decent spouse. And many men just don't know how to be that way since they learn how to be a man from their fathers and grandfather's that obviously were all in shit relationships giving the bare minimum as a partner.
snowball effect of lack of parents, freedom, junk media trashing emotions.
I know of some women that should get divorced, they have to put up with a lot of crap. some guys do as well. Maybe we just aren't learning the skills we need to co habitate.
Maybe we should go back to living in the trees vs living in stressball houses? It's cheaper and it's "green"...
Basically because we're wealthier. In many countries women are able to support themselves and are therefore free to leave an unhappy marriage. This is a good thing for almost everyone except for the bad husbands of the world.
@marish01 probably the same reason that divorce rates in Armenia have been growing, I am sure it partially due to unfair division of labor and the fact that marriage is more beneficial for men than it is for women.
@suzzieQ I think there are more reasons for divorce in USA than in Armenia. Most Armenians don't have emotional baggage from dating as they usually marry the first person they date. Not having breakups and heartbreaks is a great advantage. You have no bitterness and drama. Plus we have high family values which makes us treat our spouse with great respect. Family is viewed as holiness. No wonder why we have few cases of dv compared to USA or Western European countries.
@marish01 Armenia Vital Statistics: Crude Marriage Rate: per 1000 Population data was reported at 5.700 Person in 2022. This records a decrease from the previous number of 5.800 Person for 2021
In 2021, the marriage rate in the United States stood at six per 1,000 people of the population.
No much of a difference, there which is ironic considering the marriage rate in Armenia is dropping and the divorce rate is increasing.
Modern marriage is relatively new and it is not working out for humans. The type of big wedding we see now with a diamond ring, white dress and formal events never happened over 100 years ago. It's brand new and not "traditional". People have clearly decided they don't like this fad and are dumping it.
Lack of commitment and the absence of social stigma. Also, no-fault divorce, which allows one person, often the cheater, to unilaterally dissolve the marriage and, despite being unfaithful, still get half of everything plus alimony if that person is the lower earner.
i think it's mostly just a consequence of weakening the stigma of divorce. i don't think anything else is changing. divorce rates would always have been that high, if the stigma was that low in the past.
If the only women in the world were white women, I mean no Asian women, no Latinas, no Native-American women and no Middle Eastern women, then I'd rather be single than to date one of those Neanderthals like @suzzieQ.
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Anonymous(25-29)
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