What does he want?

[Anonymous]

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for a year and three months and I would say we were fine. We argue a lot because of his friends. They asked him to go strip clubs with them in front of me. I would consider this behaviour more than disrespectful. A girl kissed my boyfriend in a club because his friend told him to distract friends of a girl that he wanted to chat with. I became very controlling after that incident and things just kept happening. Anyways, me and my boyfriend are doing long distance now and I am more insecure than ever. I would ask him to text me every 45 mins and share his location. I know I was wrong but I was helpless at that point. One day he told me he was going to a bar with his friends and I told him to text me every hour just to make sure he is alright and he said okay. But the next day when I woke up there was not texts at all. I waited and sent him a text and told him that’s the reason why I’m always disappointed. He blocked me everywhere after an hour and turned his phone off. After a week he reached out and said he wanted to break up and he has fallen out of love. We called that night and decided to take a break instead. We called again last night and we talked about the break. I asked him not to sleep around coz for me, a break is the time to have some self reflection and I don’t wanna get someone else involved. He said that is fine. And after I while I asked him if he was okay he said he thinks he’s just playing along and he doesn’t see the point of a break. He wants to rip the bandage and move on. And he said maybe we can still be friends. I begged him for a bit and he said he would do the break and see how it goes. And he promised he will call me again next week. I don’t want to break up but I really don’t know what to do.

Updates

1 y

I just feel like he has given up and I really want him to hold on to it for just a bit because I’m going back to the country soon and we can at least fix the problem in person. I tried to talk to him and he always thinks I’m nagging. We lived together for a year I just can’t believe he can be that cruel. He even told me he decided to break up with me long time ago. It’s just so weird that he would call me and talk to me for two hours every day before the break up.

[Anonymous]

Based on your description, it sounds like your boyfriend may want to break up with you but is struggling with how to do it. He may be feeling trapped or controlled by your requests to check in frequently and share his location, and may be feeling pressured into taking a break instead of ending the relationship altogether. Additionally, the issues that have arisen due to his behavior with his friends may be causing strain on the relationship as well.

It's important to have open and honest communication with your partner about your feelings and concerns, but it's also important to respect their boundaries and give them space if they need it. It may be helpful to take some time for self-reflection as well and think about what you want and need in a relationship, and whether this relationship is meeting those needs.

Ultimately, the decision to break up or stay together is up to both of you, and it's important to make a decision that feels right for both of you. If you do decide to stay together, it may be helpful to work on building trust and communication in the relationship, and to address any underlying issues that may be causing tension or conflict.

[Avicenna]

Well, unfortunately, this is not going to work out- you can't save the relationship with fundamental differences like that.

[MementoMori777]

This is a terrible situation, you are putting as much effort as you can to keep your relationship alive and he is being stupid, do yourself a favor and let go, let him go, he's deadweight, do the final breakup and leave him, find someone better.

[slatyb]

Every 45 minutes? Get a grip. That's completely unreasonable. If I were him I would have dropped you long ago. Why don't you date someone local?

[Asker]

We were not doing long distance. We started doing long distance in February and I’m going back in June. But I guess this long distance thing is killing the relationship.

[Red_Arrow]

He wants to break up. I was able to figure that out because that is what he said!

[jujus]

Long distance hardly ever works