He dumped me in crude way. I said "ok" and blocked him. I accepted his decision. Why is he being rude to me if we run into each other?

[DermalPunch]

He dumped me by saying he was going to go have sex with someone else (we weren't sleeping together).

I said I didn't need to hear that. He asked me "why"? I said it was hurtful and told him to "Enjoy".

I thanked him for being so cruel so that I know who he is.

I blocked him and am kinda glad to be free of it because he was acting very jealous and insecure before doing the 180.

Anyway, I will still have to see him which is just life to me and is no big deal. I've had to see people who were way more heartless towards me.

Now, he is being passive-agressive and wants to really drive it home he has someone else. Wonderful for him!

If you want to be done with someone why not be cordial when they respect your wishes? What is the purpose of twisting the knife?

Updates

1 y

Oh, and I have a slight suspicion that he started talking bad about me to people in our neighborhood but I have no proof.

Updates

1 y

Saw him on transit and he bolted in front of a moving streetcar to avoid, me while I came nowhere near him, abandoning his friend to escape me! I need to improve my selection skills.

Updates

9 mo

For two months he called and texted "hello" a. d showed up outside my house sending me whatsapp stickers of couples in love and all this. Yet, he still couldn't even muster up an apology.

Updates

7 mo

AS I SUSPECTED ALL ALONG There was no woman. He confessed to me after six months that he did it to see how I would react. He didn't expect for me to call his bluff and is apologizing and professing his love. Why are people nuts?

[snowboarder720]

It sounds like you made it clear to him that sex wasn’t in your interest prior to the relationship beginning. Yeah he deserves to feel happy in a relationship with sex but it was his decision to still pursue you anyway which is really his fault.


He sounds like a child throwing his little tantrum because he isn’t getting what he wants. Super immature. Honestly it sounds like you dodged a bullet by ending that relationship. It sounds like you can’t change how he’s handling it. You can only change how you are responding to his immature actions by accepting him for who he is. That way his actions aren’t hurting you because you aren’t taking him very seriously.
Just move on. I know it’s easier said than done but you’ll need to do it for yourself.

[DermalPunch]

No no no. We dated two weeks. I'm not sad or anything. Just odd behaviour.

[DermalPunch]

I just block and ignore him. If I see him I don't say anything.

[snowboarder720]

@update: if he can’t understand where he made his mistake and send a sincere apology then he sounds like he isn’t worth your time. You deserve respect and he needs to understand that. No matter how many WhatsApp stickers he sends you.
If you’re open to letting him know where he went wrong and letting him know how to respect you then great. Although I don’t like how he wants you to just take him back from poking you with messages and sending you stickers and NOT UNDERSTANDING what he did wrong. He sounds like a guy that just wants you to take him back for acting cute or something and that’s not how respecting adults work.

[DermalPunch]

Yes, he wants to just act like nothing happened. I texted, I am not in the mood for SUPERFICIAL conversations. He replied 🙄🙄 and I said nothing back.

"and that’s not how respecting adults work." Exactly. I don't think he was raised but just kind of grew with not much cultivation or care.

[snowboarder720]

Yeah he’s definitely immature and wasn’t raised right. I’m not gonna say that’s his fault and probably says more about his parents. It’s not your responsibility to tell him what’s right or wrong and how to respect you.

So how will you respond to his actions?
If you believe he’s worth your patience and giving him another chance, go for it. If he’s isn’t of your interest then I’d suggest making it very clear by telling him that you’re not interested. Ghosting him seems to lead him in to believing that the door is still open and all he needs to do is act cute for you to take him back which isn’t a healthy dynamic at all.

You deserve respect and he shouldn’t be allowed to believe that acting cute will have women take him back from disrespecting them.

[DermalPunch]

I did respond and left the ball in his court.
I didn't ghost him he decided he didn't want to participate in a non trivial conversation.
(Leaving a rolling eye emoji is not a real response.) It's up to him.

He is a very disrespectful person. I posted a question before we actually went out about the fact that he returned a dish I gave to him with a small traditional food in it dirty and empty. I knew from then he had no manners/no respect for me. b
I, stupidly, proceeded anyway. I learned my lesson once and for all. Small red flags mean a lot!

I haven't had a desire to be back with him from the instant he acted the way he did.

I went NC to kill the attraction and attachment.

He is above average in the looks department as probably gets away with this crap all the time.

Not with me. 🙅‍♀️

Good looks mean nothing without good character.

[snowboarder720]

Ah I see. Well good for you for standing up for yourself. Having no tolerance for other people’s disrespect is something you definitely need to be proud of and it’s not exactly easy to enforce. 💯

[snowboarder720]

I just hope he understands that he needs to move on and not go f***ing crazy or something.

[DermalPunch]

Really, really really this is very common among the younger generation and somewhat particularly to the region I'm in. It really bothers me. I hope I have planted a seed and he will be a decent partner to a woman he actually cares for one day. As for me, he forced me to move on whether he wanted me to or not.

[Anonymous]

He might regret his decision, but do not unblock him.

[DermalPunch]

Oh Lord Above, no. I don't think he does.

[hiyamotherfers]

He's made that you accepted it. there's this whole video and stuff. But basically men dont like when a woman just accepts a guy breaking it off. He likes the chase

[DermalPunch]

Hahaha!

[DermalPunch]

Real men don't act this way. This is narcissistic triangulation and I. Don't. Play. That.

[leahzrc]

ew he sounds like trash. just be your fabulous cute self and don't even look at him

[DermalPunch]

That's the plan!

[D_Bone_Steak]

Sounds like he has hard feelings. I hate to speculate but I think we can guess what I'm thinking it really is for him. I mean come on... it's sort of obvious.

[DermalPunch]

No I don't get your hint. If you are going to be crude or vulgar please just keep it to yourself.

[D_Bone_Steak]

Wow okay... no clue... keeping to myself now. I wasn't trying to be crude or vulgar but whatever you like to think... I'm out.

[DermalPunch]

Ok sorry. It's just I've seen ypur other answers and they can be wayyyyyy out there. LOL.

[DermalPunch]

He wanted to date and have sex. I wanted to date without it. I was fine to let it go. He jist acted really cruel about it.

[DermalPunch]

I'm ready...

[lightbulb27]

he sounds like a basket case of wanting to be wanted. only his psychiatrist knows.

[DermalPunch]

This. Yes, he is not stable in the psyche. He was wanted. We just couldn't come to an agreement. I didn't want to have a bad ending because he was cool and wanted to still have a friend. Oh well.

[lightbulb27]

He just saved you $1500 in therapy and big chunk of life. Ultimately, he's playing games, why... who knows.
You are welcome to go on your own, or to explore this matter deeper online with questions..."why did I go for him"... as to why you dated him and to understand him, that may be relevant information. But I'm impressed by your ability to hold boundaries and remain healthy in the midst of some chaos. From that, I'd guess you had a good father figure... and higher self esteem.
The why's are a bit difficult to see without more info, but it isn't healthy behavior.
God help his new girlfriends and any/all offspring.

For my own edification, is he "black/African American" and are you? This guy reminds me of some AA guys I've seen... that were wounded puppies and destructive. Can happen to any race, just my reference point for the "energy". The mis behaviors goes back to childhood... it's parenting, loss of parents and personality.

Better fishing next time!!!

[DermalPunch]

Wow, as a black woman I o take some offense se to your assumption he is black. He isn't.

My dad was absentee.

I have been doing intense internal work for over a year.

[lightbulb27]

why offended? sorry to offend you, but I like to tune my assumptions, that's why I asked. It's like looking at a puzzle with a bunch of pieces missing. It's just assumptions based upon experience, and I like to see if my assumptions are right. Race isn't that relevant I don't think, but how we were raised, what we experienced, and moreso... how we perceived it, is very influential.
So I'm more confused now as to what was going on...
I'm glad you are doing intense work, that's good. And that's the important part of what I was getting at... why did you pick that guy. The woman does the picking usually. Processing what happened is valuable for insights about yourself, others, that gives you strength to choose better next time.
Absent father, I'm sorry to hear that, I'm surprised. Where did you get your strong sense of self from?
I did not know you were black, didn't look at your profile, maybe from prior discussions I had idea, but don't recall much discussion before.

I'll share what I know and you can value it as you wish. I try to break everything down into what sub conscious emotions are really influencing the behavior... for those are what are making the decisions. In this case... "why twist the knife", "bragging to your face about sleeping with others".
That sounds like "spite".. in essence, he is weak inside and taking it out on you. It's caddy, sure as heck isn't "man".

So that's why I perceive you as being strong... which surprised me that you thus didn't have strong father figure... where you get your strength from?

[DermalPunch]

I get my strength from God.

I always found him cute but was never interested until I actually observed him for almost a year around the neighborhood interacting with people. He had good manners and was well-liked. He was a really cool guy, until I got to know him

He had always been interested me but he was really young and I didn't want to risk it.

He had always been really nice and showed a protective side so I thought he was at least worth getting to know.

That's why I took it slow. Glad I did. He accused me of being a liar and a traitor because I wasn't available to see him one evening. 🫨

Anyway, he never really put on a nice outfit to see me so I think it was an act from the start. He feels superior to me for some reason and I really have no idea why.

Come to find out he doesn't have much of a life and couldn't answer anything beyond his looks that he liked about himself. 🤔

He used to be fat and he once made fun of a fat girl so... yeah. He is a mask wearer.

Re sense of self: My mom is amazing and I had a strong maternal family structure. My grandfather had an amazingly potent character. He was my father figure. He was amazing!

My Dad is OK. We talk now and then and he taught me a lot of things and supports my creative endeavors. His absence is the root of past self-worth issue in relationships.

I denied i had Daddy Issues for years. I've acknowledged them and am finally getting past them.

Yes, spite. My ex husband doled out plenty of that.

[lightbulb27]

I'll have to read your other questions, to see if I can shed any more light, since (looking at prior question... you are trying to find a good mate). You sound very healthy and strong to me. When I hear what sounds like "there's a cloud following me..."... e. g. two guys that project spite in a row, "why did he do this"... then I start looking more deeply at your heart/wounds and what energy you are projecting and drawing.
As you know... narcissists are drawn to empaths, you can read about that. They love to destroy good, so maybe you are actually, very "deep", spiritually. Maybe that's part of it, if you are empathic. I believe in Christ, and so as well, I look at the emotional sub conscious energy, that is where attraction is. Ideally, it be healthy love... but we all carrying wounds from childhood. They are relevant until healed.
So if you can find in yourself the "wound (s)/traumas" that draws these people and see it, then you can filter them quickly, you can as well out of your healed energy, draw better. You may be drawn "to heal and care for them", if that's who you are, but won't get sucked in by them. Is that you?

It's hard as you know, for it's a fallen world of broken hearts... so many hurt people about, church is filled to the brim with them... they are drawn there looking for healing. Other religions, I cannot say. And yes, people wear masks and the true self comes out in closeness.

That makes sense, you had some strong family around. Sounds like you are pulling the pieces together.

[DermalPunch]

A lot to reflect upon. Thank you 😃

[Shamalien]

I guess they see it as a form of defence. Some sick people will hurt you, then panic and hurt you more because they are afraid of you hurting them

[DermalPunch]

I don't see how people who leave you alone are hurting you. But in general cases yes, this is a possibility.

[serious_miss419]

Because guys get mad when we stand our ground or stick up for ourselves. He sounds like a coward

[DermalPunch]

Yeah, that's so weird, eh? Oh well.

[David4358]

im confused here, you where dating but stopped having sex? or never had sex?

[DermalPunch]

No, we never slept together.

[DermalPunch]

Hadn't even been dating two weeks, lol.

[David4358]

I mean not to sound harsh but 2 weeks without sex for dating when you are almost 40 is a bit odd. Did you talk about the lack of sex when you first started dating?

[DermalPunch]

To you it may be but for me that's not. I was perfectly upfront. And was also said that I was fine to part with him if that wasn't compatible with him.

I am so glad I don't sleep with people after two weeks of getting to know them. How horrible would I have felt if I had given my body to someone who has no qualms about being so cruel and heartless.

[David4358]

sounds like his understanding of waiting for sex was different then yours, and so he bailed. He wanted sex.. you didn't.. he gave his reason for bailing, im not seeing why that's hurtful.

Like it or not sex is a part of a relationship its not like we are talking a young teen here. You where in a relationship that was sexless and he decided to end that relationship because it was sexless.. him telling you why he is ending the relationship is not being cruel, its him being honest.

He liked you but didn't like the sexless nature of the relationship so he moved on to a relationship that more fits what he is looking for.. again thats not cruel its just normal dating

[DermalPunch]

You are weighing in on an area that has nothing to do with my question.

Some background: I said in the first week I was fine to part ways since we couldn't agree on the sex issue. He continued to pursue me even though I made my position clear.

Several times I said to him I liked him but I don't do sex before marriage and I wished him well.

Again, he was really on my case and was even getting jealous and wanting to keep tabs on me and so on. That was another reason I suggested it was best we move on. Then i felt bad and because he was really upset we couldn't get together one day and decided to calm the situation down.

Now, saying, I want a sexual relationship and you don't so I don't want to see you anymore is normal.

Sending someone a lovey-dovey message then right after that saying I am going to go sleep with a woman who is willing to bang me. It was also obvious he was trying to menace me into agreeing to a sexual relationship by bringing up this alleged woman.

If that is normal to you, then Ok.

My question wasn't about that. It was about why he felt the need to rub in my face he has moved on when I didn’t beg, plead or harass him to stay. If you wish to answer that, the *actual* question, be my. guest!

[David4358]

Non of that information was presented so how is anyone going to answer anything with just part of the info.

No idea why he is rubbing it in your face, other then maybe he really liked you and felt like sex could still happen even though you said it wouldn't, and he got hurt and mad and lashed out..
Or the guy is an asshole and just wanted to mess with you

[DermalPunch]

Well, I guess you needed more info. No problem. Other people came to the same conclusion without the background info. Thanks for weighing in!

[eagle1951]

he was just trying to get sex from you and since he couldn't he got pissed

[DermalPunch]

Sure. Why still be pissed if you got the sex you were looking for elsewhere?

[eagle1951]

but maybe he didn't. or he wanted you bad

[DermalPunch]

Oh he did! Hahaha. We couldn't agree on the type of relationship. I wanted to be an adult about it. Him not so much.

[eagle1951]

yeah it suck's when a guy thinks with his dick and not his mind

[DermalPunch]

There was more to it. He was getting overly emotional

[Legendarylegacy13]

Good point... and I am 32 this might seem like an a**hole statement... but completely understandable...🤣🤣🤣

[boggboss]

Because he is a shitty person

[DermalPunch]

This is true.

[Legendarylegacy13]

So they can't get back in...

[DermalPunch]

Can't get back in? Who and where?

[Legendarylegacy13]

Cause a person could relise its not a good relationship and it's not going to work , but they could still have feelings about being with the other person and if the other person is open to being in a relationship that's not going to work and neither individual will change that would be a precautionary measure. As you refer to as "twisting the knife"

[DermalPunch]

Well, I blocked him so I don't know why he would think that?

[Legendarylegacy13]

Yeah, I understand.

[Manuel2]

As he may have thought you took him too serioisly

[DermalPunch]

Too seriously?

[Manuel2]

It is clear by your updates that I am right. Just leave him or them alone. It is clear he is tryimg to adviod you.
Also he migjt have beem threaten if he comes near you by your friends

[DermalPunch]

Now he sits outside my house in a cafe across the street pretending he isn't there to watch me.

[DermalPunch]

Yeah. That was it. He was bluffing. I knew it deep down all along but, he wasn't going to play stupid games like that with me.

[Tstrbrainer]

How long ago was this?

[DermalPunch]

A few days ago.

[DermalPunch]

The passive-aggressive thing was today.

[Tstrbrainer]

How old is he?

[DermalPunch]

He is 21 years old.

[Tstrbrainer]

Oh no that guy?
I thought he was more mature

[DermalPunch]

Not. At. Aaaallll.

[Tstrbrainer]

What caused him to end things with you?

[DermalPunch]

He called me a liar and traitor when I couldn't meet up with him one night. Inhappened to see him sitting in a cafe later that evening and he was just looking troubled. I thought oh he's young a but emotional. He is a bit disordered and emotionally off.

[Tstrbrainer]

Do you know why he was so troubled that day?

[DermalPunch]

The most obvious answer is because I didn't want to date him and sleep with him. I was fine to date but not have sex.

He was acting very insecure and doing these manipulative things to test my attachment and level of liking him.

I told him stop playing around.

Then he sent me a sweet message in the morning then right after said he got a better offer and will go and have sex with a woman he's known for three years.

[Tstrbrainer]

If he had sex with another woman, he should be happy, right?

[DermalPunch]

Well, exactly! I guess he wants me to know just how happy he is.