It's been almost a year since I broke up with my ex. I've since moved on, have a new boyfriend who I adore. But I just can't shake feeling awful about how the last few months with my ex went. My ex was abusive emotionally, mentally, and sexually. He would initiate sex when I was asleep, and couldn't consent nor did I want to. I just let him do his thing so he'd leave me alone for 2 weeks before the whining started back up. I couldn't hangout with friends without him coming along or checking up on me constantly. He always put me down in the presence of other girls he seemed more attractive. He insulted my body before sex more than once. He tore my soul and happiness out of my body for 12 miserable years.
One day I just snapped, and told him I was leaving. I couldn't take it anymore. After that I lied to him about how many people I had been with, where I was/what I was doing and manipulated him. I justified it by saying he did so much worse to me. He tore who I was down it was payback. Last I talked him to he was begging to be friends since he doesn't have many. I told him no. Before that point he always shot what I wanted to do down, he's very negative. My other friends build me up and so there was no way he could be my friend. I thought it was merciful to cut him out entirely so he could move on. He's not capable of just being friends. But I can't help but feel bad for hurting his feelings. I knew him for 14 years. Am I wrong for feeling bad?
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