Do men initiate divorce for anything OTHER than women cheating?

[msc545]

Women initiate divorce about 70% of the time:

Chat Pi says:

"Women initiate divorce more often than men. According to the American Sociological Association, about 70% of divorces are initiated by women. There are many reasons for this, including the fact that women are often more financially independent than they were in the past, and so they feel less dependent on their husbands.
Additionally, many women simply do not feel satisfied in their marriages and want out. Whatever the reason, it is clear that divorce is something that happens more frequently than many people realize."

So 30% of th time men start it - but why? I think the precipitating event in most cases is cheating by women. What do you think?

[Anonymous]

Maybe finding a younger woman but I think mostly for being cheated on.

From what I've seen of divorcees in America it seems to be a case of a wife discarding a good man for very fickle reasons knowing that rather than being "financially independent" they will be supported still by their former husband's earnings through alimony, child support, possession of the family home and half his wealth. There's seems to be more female homeowners in the US than male. These fickle reasons usually stem from boredom, selfishness, jealousy of other women, unreasonable expectations, no respect for their husband, a lack of honour, unsatisfied with an average standard of living, emotional cheating with some guy who tells them what they want to hear to sleep with them and works his way into her marraige, a belief they can do better than their husband, ungrateful for all they have, mother left a bad example and taking advice from other women who deliberately give them bad advice. The divorcees I know don't seem to be any happier having divorced their husband and some seem to try to take this out on their ex husband using their kids especially if he's dating a new woman who's maybe younger and hotter. It's important that their ex husband is doing worse than them. If you divorce your husband to be with another guy you were cheating with he's hardly going to be good to you and if your a divorcee in your 30s and 40s with kids it's hard to meet good men.

I'm very grateful to have my husband and being a Catholic don't believe in divorce.

[monorprise]

@irishgirl02 That is basically my impression too, what is funny is how soon this all started after the goverment changed the laws to make divorce soo advantageous for women, particularly of lower income. Then things just kind of unraveled after that.

[msc545]

@monorprise Specifically, "no fault" divorce, better known as "all his fault" divorce.

[monorprise]

@msc545
It really doesn't matter who's "fault" it is the problem is one or both sides see divorce as a more advantage than honoring thier vows. The goverment made it that the case not merely thou no-fault divorce but for much of the population welfare laws which paid the woman more to be unmarried than her husband could make.

[msc545]

@monorprise Welfare doesn't pay enough to live on here where I live. The thing with fault is that it introduces uncertainty into the financial equation such that women cannot be certain that they will get the majority of the money and property as they do now, especially if they fuck around, which most of them do. Also, you don't always need to prove fault - threatening them with it is often enough. Where I live there is only no-fault and men get absolutely *RAPED financially as a result.

[monorprise]

@msc545
Its true a wide range of legal obligations far beyond mere welfare make it financially advantageous for a woman to leave her marriage ranging from child support to alimony and countless forms of welfare.

The Goverment has essentially made marriage a form of slavery for men without any form of security. It has likewise thou no-fault divorce striped the same security from women and the children it was originally designed to protect.

Generations after such legal changes most people no longer even view the institution as anything else.
As such true Marriage among such people is effectively impossible. What they call "marriage" little more than an increasingly disadvantageous legal contract that has little to nothing to do with the original institution despite claiming it's name and benefits.

[msc545]

@monorprise Agreed, except that no-fault strips protections from men, not women and children.

[RangerBlue22]

I’m really impressed that a young woman can acknowledge this. Thank you @irishgirl02 for owning up to this. Men are used to seeing feedback from selfish conceited far leftist brainwashed feminist women on here and in real life. However at least you get it. You also more importantly get it that these exact women ultimately self sabotage themselves.

Yet so many of them just can’t own up to it. You would think that older women who down the divorce path for selfish reasons would be speaking up about their regrets and would advise younger women to make better choices. Instead they rather (as you mentioned) give other young women horrible advice because misery loves company. They feel better about their predicament when they see another woman in the exact same situation.

Anyway everybody loses. The ex husband loses. The kids lose. And the woman who initiated the “no fault” divorce to pursue “her freedom” loses.

Admitting fault isn’t the same as admitting defeat.

[desidoll]

Where I used to live, both men and women cheat equally. There is no really accurate statistic stating which gender cheats more. Other than their wives cheated on them, there are plenty cases where the men initiate the divorce because they are the ones who cheated, and no longer have the same feeling towards their wives. Other than this, I know from some of my friends who have gone through divorce, they said their husband initiate it because there is no more understanding between them, where every single day is an argument war.

[DaveJord]

So my ex-wife divorced me and she initiated it. But honestly, I wanted her to divorce me. So by the time she did divorce me, it didn't matter who initiated it. Now my ex-wife truly believed she was going to get more then actually though she was going to get.

But she was stealing money from me, and I acted like I didn't know it. Because she was BPD type, so you can't draw attention to it or she will do something even more crazy. So I opened new bank accounts and just her money in half. Told here I knew she was stealing so I cut her allowance in half because she was stealing the other half through a reestate deal we made. Of course she denied this got super pissed off and divorced me. Which I wanted her to do.

In the divorce process all the money issues came out, and I was 100% validated, and she tried pulling the "victim card". And she ended up committing perjury 3 times in the process, but I never pressed the charges. I got all my money back, but after Lawary fees, it was net gain of zero... but at least I am not married to her anymore and I don't pay alimony, and I got all the investment accounts and she got two of the houses... but she was left in debt.

[KrakenAttackin]

Men will endure so much more BS than women ever will. This same trait in men gives us the ability gives men fortitude in difficult situations, but it makes us miserable when it comes to women.

[msc545]

That is a really great insight! Never occurred to me until you said it and it is completely right!

[KrakenAttackin]

Thanks. It's the ability to endure that allows men to survive warfare and horrible relationships. Imagine if men gave up as easily as women do.

[msc545]

Great point!

[Anonymous]

Of the 20% - 30% of cases where men initiate divorce, I would bet the share that are due to the wife's infidelity is much higher than the share of wife-initiated divorces that are due to the husband's infidelity. I believe that is the case because men, especially today, tend to have a much stronger sense of commitment than today's women, so it generally takes something like cheating to motivate a husband to end his marriage. For women, on the other hand, there is a much longer list of reason they use to justify divorce. Women are incentivized by the legal system to divorce, whereas the opposite is true for men. Divorce is truly a zero-sum game.

[msc545]

@anonymous very well said!

[DermalPunch]

men, especially today, tend to have a much stronger sense of commitment than today's women, 🤣 You have GOT to be kidding me.

[Opinion Owner]

@DermalPunch I'm talking about in marriage, and it's an indisputable fact. Half of heterosexual marriages end in divorce and women initiate 80% of them. Need more proof? Look at the divorce rates of heterosexual marriages compared to gay and lesbian marriages. The divorce rate among lesbians is the highest, by far, and the rate among gays is the lowest. In other words, the more women involved in a marriage, the higher the divorce rate.

So yeah, as I said, today's men have a much stronger sense of marital commitment than today's women.

[D_Bone_Steak]

I would agree with that. Men are usually way more tolerant of bullshit, that women would simply not accept unless she was absolutely dependent on the man for any and everything. With that said I really do think it takes something as significant as cheating to bring a man to the point of just needing that divorce.

[msc545]

Women are not as reactive to cheating as men are because they can fix the problem in 10 minutes by walking into a club or bar and picking a new man. Men cannot do this.

[D_Bone_Steak]

Oh yeah, that is definitely a factor. A woman has options for giving some payback that most men just don't have... both financially and with the raw stuff like revenge cheating. It's usually pretty much complete defeat in every way for the man... along with dealing with just the betrayal of the cheating by itself.

[msc545]

Also - a woman can hit you or break your stuff, and if you lay a hand on her (and even if you don't) and she calls the cops you are going to jail every time. Women do not get arrested for DV unless they literally kill you - and maybe not even then.

[KrakenAttackin]

@msc545. All correct.

[RavVid]

In Australia if it is not a woman initiating divorce (70%) then it is a mutual application 20% of the time. The remaining 10% are men initiating. So I don't think it is right that you stats mean men in the US are initiating divorce at 30%.

Mutual applications might be due to a lack of harmony but I would suspect that is where the KNOWN cheating is happening. Known to the partner. Most husbands and wives are likely to divorce for cheating and I think that scenario is more likely to result in a mutual application.

With no fault divorce there are no stats on it. Can only be assessed by surveys.

I am quite sure most cheating is by women. They also seem to think it is funny and hot to cheat.

[RealMarek]

I initiated divorce due to emotional and financial abuse. When I started fearing that I might be harmed or worse when I sleep, I realized it was time to leave no matter the cost. And believe me family courts hate men so the cost was steep.

[msc545]

The courts REALLY hate men. Glad you are ok!

[RealMarek]

Thanks so much. Still putting the financial pieces together after getting laid off during the divorce and then the career completely derailed by covid and ESG policies. I’ve had to get entrepreneurial very quickly.

[inhua]

there's no reason for a man to file for divorce other than his wife cheating on him

incompatibility is not a reason. miscommunication is not a reason. boredom is not a reason. abuse is not a reason either, men have a higher tolerance for abuse

[msc545]

I see. A Personality Disorder like borderline or antisocial is a FUCKING GOOD REASON.

[inhua]

I don't recall men ever filing for divorce because of a personality disorder. men will often try to work things out rather than give up on something easily. plus there's more at stake for a man in a divorce

[msc545]

This happens all the time. You may not "recall" it.

[lightbulb27]

I've seen a few over the years:

haven't heard of infidelity as a cause when men divorce women. Issues:

* Got to know her, really wasn't happy. didn't spend time together... not really a good match to begin with. e. g boredom.

* she really was whacky, the issue was not being fulfilled in life

* He found someone else... but I think that's as well, dissatisfied, some needs not fulfilled

I've seen women initiate divorces just as much.

[msc545]

Men feel shamed about women who are not faithful to them and often don't talk about it.

[lightbulb27]

im confident the ones I know were not cheating. probably true for some.
the cause of that cheating is getting to the root issue, the cheating is a symtom for most I suspect and it may relate back to the "him".

[Mallic00]

Well I can think of a couple of things, Verbal and emotional abuse and or using your card without permission racking up a bunch of debt, finding out he's been raising a kid that isn't his (Which I guess counts as cheating) Here's something you need to understand, there are a number of women who will use any number of emotional gaslighting to keep a man from leaving, making them think they are worthless and they are the only ones who will ever love them, There are also some women who will threaten them with a multitude of things to make them obedient and some men one day just decide they've had enough.

Really though, if a man divorces 9 times out of 10 its because they realized their partner never loved them in the first place.

[OfMiceandMen]

I've said this before. Guys tend to move on when the drama meter is higher than the happiness meter. If you are always putting out fires, there is only so much one person can take. I think this is the scenario for the majority of men out there that file.

[Smashingdoozy]

Honestly, we don't know what the real numbers are. Women being 70% of the people filing for divorce does not mean that they are the ones initiating it. It just means they are the ones sorting it out, because that is what women do. Men rely on woman to do everything for them even in divorce.

[DermalPunch]

This! Men are allergic to administration.

[Smashingdoozy]

@DermalPunch yep, I have a friend who was with someone for 10 years, not married but the process is much the same after that long together, she ended up having to sort out a lawyer for him because he failed to do so after over a year.

[kevypatyy7]

𝙼𝚘𝚜𝚝 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎𝚜 𝚒𝚝'𝚜 𝚌𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚖𝚎𝚗 𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚋𝚎 𝚞𝚗𝚜𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚕𝚎𝚍 𝚜𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚔𝚎𝚎𝚙 𝚏𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚒𝚗 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚜𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚔 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎 𝚒𝚝 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚕𝚊𝚜𝚝 𝚜𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚎𝚗𝚍 𝚞𝚙 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚍𝚒𝚟𝚘𝚛𝚌𝚎

[LiamJHayden]

Occasionally. I have seen them for the wife refusing to control her overspending, for example. Also more than one for physical abuse. Yes, it happens. But by far most of those filed by guys that I have dealt with have been because she messed around, often after she delivered a baby that looked different enough that he got a paternity test that showed he was not the dad.

[shades777]

sounds like a double edged sword, women are good at agreements where they're the quote in quote winner


get married no prenup divoce get half
get married earns more money divorce


When I think about it 80% of the time Im the more valuable person in the relationship

[DermalPunch]

I can't speak on men leaving. Most women get left for other women.

In the 70% of women initiating, many of them are leaving men who have already left the relationship in terms of their actions but men don't like public failure. So, they often do a woman dirty for years but keep the social facade up.

Also, men think about their pocket. Cheaper to keep her is a real thing.

[msc545]

With the shitty unfair laws we have, "cheaper to keep her" is a good strategy in many cases.

[Vegasrunner]

@DermalPunch This is another example of women being unable to take accountability. Despite knowing the fact that women leave the majority of the time, blame is still reserved for men. TBH this is why most men should avoid marriage as there is really no tangible benifit to them.

[DermalPunch]

@Vegasrunner or they could stop being, immature, entitled and be responsible engaged husbands?

[DermalPunch]

@Vegasrunner As I said, I can only speak as a woman. Having witnessed countless relationships, I see men taking women for granted. Women's issue is that they pick the wrong guy and marry potential or they are materialistic and never satisfied. Case and point to Zoliciak woman. Horrible

[Vegasrunner]

@DermalPunch I don't see anything in the post that says they weren't were. How did you come to that conclusion, and how are you able to ignore the women's responsibility?

[Vegasrunner]

@DermalPunch Lol, yes I know. Which is why I say women don't understand relationships. They are only able to see one side and most can only see their's specifically. Men have to understand both sides in order to be successful w/ women. The "wrong" guy is just a term women use to deflect responsibility. Reality is women all pick the same type of man which places the power into the hands of that small minority of men. Because women are so narcissistic they never take to time to figure that out because they think they are enough. That's why u say things like take for granted, well yes I can take women for granted because I have an infinite number of women ready to take their place. Lower status guys won't take u for granted but women don't won't those type of men.

[imawfulatusernames]

Men are very likely to divorce their wife if she’s diagnosed with a serious or terminal condition, to the point women are warned when diagnosed.

[imawfulatusernames]

Also I’d like to point out that filing for a divorce is a chore and many times men want the divorce but simply just won’t file.

[exitseven]

It is probbly the main cause but it could also be that the woman lets her personal appearance go or else they disagree on a lot of things. Or maybe he just stopped being in love.

[TheMadLad]

Women are never satisfied.

have you heard about the black hole?👀

[Anonymous]

Men stray and want to bang other women. I hear about it all the time.

[TracyF]

The only valid reason for getting divorced in most circumstances is cheating.

[Anonymous]

Yes, the biggest reason men initiate divorce is the Wife's Drug Abuse.

[Charliefretz329]

Yes. Women being abusive

[slatyb]

Yes, often.

[NathanDavis]

yes, they do

[msc545]

Perhaps you would like to write why you think that happens?

[NathanDavis]

because that's what they reported on some studies

so is not what I think... it is what they say themselves, the divorcees

[msc545]

so. uh... since you apparently read the studies, what did they say?

[NathanDavis]

lack of commitment was number one

and an incredibly high number of them said, they wished they knew their partners better... before getting married

[HaveNoName]

In most cases yes.