Is the ex's mom ruining the no-contact rule post-breakup and the likelihood of reconciliation?

[Anonymous]

My 4.5-year relationship ended a couple of weeks ago due to him saying that he felt like the "bad guy," wanting to work on himself, and a couple of other reasons that weren't too serious. He said that he didn't mind us communicating/small check-in once a day until a couple of days had passed when he said "Let's do no-contact for a month." I was a wreck obviously since I was blind-sided a little and called him shortly after that to try to get clarity to which he said he was "tired/done" of us/me and that he was wanting to be friends by the end of the month. The same day this happened, his mom texted me saying that she was celebrating her wedding anniversary. I informed her about the news since my ex didn't tell her, and she was very saddened.

My relationship with his mom has been iffy since I know she enjoys drama and wasn't extremely fond of me, but she did admire me. Shortly after that, she kept texting me once a day to check in on me and asked for more details about the breakup which I told her since I thought I could trust her. Within this week though, I called her to discuss something else but she told me that she talked with my ex and gave me details about what he thought like how he viewed it as a "learning experience" and how I'm a good person among other things. Still, I did tell her some personal stuff but now it seems like she's telling him what I'm saying.

For example, I asked my ex to mail 1 item back to me after the breakup and he never did. I told his mom a couple of times that whenever I see her in person a couple of months from now (since she invited me to go to church with her) that she can give me that item. Now, the item is arriving at my house today when I haven't reminded my ex to mail it out again. Do you think it was a mistake discussing stuff with his mom? Do you think it's hindering the chance of us getting back together since it has technically been no contact this whole time (depending on what his mom has been saying to him)?

[Anonymous]

There is SO much wrong here.

1. He broke up with you, he stated his reasons, but you think mos of them are 'not too serious.' That sounds disrespectful.

2. "Let's do no-contact for a month" means he doesn't want to hear from you again. Get it. Finished, over, caput, The End, finale, conclusion, the relationship is officially dead.

3. If you have the misguided notion that you are going to reconcile, talking to his mother (or any of his other family members) is a bonehead move. Their allegiance is to your ex, not you, and OF COURSE they are going to tell him about your conversations. Why would you expect anything different from that?

4. You know his mom enjoys drama? Sounds like you do, too.

5. You are no longer in middle school. Start acting like an adult.

[CallmeTheKnight]

It was a bad choice to discuss things with her. There’s nothing to admire if she’s not fond of you and her staying in drama is another reason.
You’re talking to her for comfort and even then it’s not good, because your ex is clearly over you and she’s in his ear all the time which can be very annoying

[Anonymous]

Be friends with his mom but forget about this guy. He's effectively dumped you to see another woman while still keeping you on the hook if things don't work out.
If you are going to be long term with someone and maybe gey married and have kids you can't have doubts about the level of his commitment.

[Asker]

we were talking about marriage before the breakup and he even bought an engagement ring. A few months ago, he said he was unsure what he wanted from life in general though. I told him that I didn't mind waiting until he was ready for marriage to take that step with him, and he was fine with that.

[Opinion Owner]

Are you OK with him being with other women right now?

[Asker]

No, never.

[boggboss]

Yes it was a mistake talking to her and if u think no contact means he will get back with you then your mistaken

[Asker]

well he said that he wanted to be friends after no contact, that's why I'm confused

[boggboss]

The same way he said let's talk even u broke up then said let's do no contact at the moment he is just saying stuff which could change at any point

[Asker]

exactly, i'm not sure what to expect and I'm scared his mom might have influenced some of his decisions directly/indirectly if she's mentioning what I said to her to him you know? I'm not sure what all she told him, and I don't even want to ask because she might even tell the truth regarding that.

[boggboss]

But u have asked him mum to do things on your behalf so why are u acting like u was not involved in him mum interacting here? And no its not that u don't know what to expect its that u are still hoping things will work out thats why u will get hurt again even that ubexpect him to want to care to talk about you feelings after no contact is crazy

[Asker]

I didn't ask her to do anything for me besides retrieve one item that i wanted back since he never mailed it back as he said he would though?

[boggboss]

U also told her to get hin to call u for when he leaves

[boggboss]

But yeah if he truly wanted no contact then talking to his mum does break the essence of it so it's a bad look

[Blueeyes81]

It ain't helping.

[Asker]

explain please

[Blueeyes81]

I'd view it as you checking in on me and not respecting my wishes. If I wasn't sure beforehand I'd be sure now. The more you try the more you push him away.