Is it ok behavior if my ex is cheating on his wife with me if they’re getting divorced soon?

Question

For the record I did NOT know he was married. We didn’t speak for a year and his socials are private. I reached out to him after a year and we started sexting. This continued for a few months but I wasn’t ready to meet him in person. Until one day I was, so I messaged him.

He said he’s actually in a relationship but thinks of me all the time, and told me their relationship is ending so we can message each other during work hours because he doesn’t want her to see and cause drama. Weeks later he told me he is moving out of their apartment since they live together and they’re breaking up, but he couldn’t find an apartment until July.

So a few weeks went by and I was doing some online stalking and I found out he got married last summer. I was in shock. They’re still married but they’re getting divorced. I asked him, and he told me they’re finalizing the divorce next month but asked me to keep us a secret, he doesn’t want her to see my messages, and to lay low until it’s all behind him.

Is this behavior wrong? Should his wife know any of this?

EmyyWolf · Accepted Answer

Girl. You’re AN ADULT. GROWN ADULT. You can smoke cigarettes. You can have babies. You can buy a car.

why do you need a bunch of random people with faults of their own… to tell you. What is ok and what isn’t? @Asker Do as you please. I sleep with hot married men. Because I could care less about random peoples judgement. Are they my father? Are they my parents? Have they all seen Hell for themselves. You’re grown. You have the capability to own your own business and a buy a new car. You’re really gonna allow people to command your actions and police your behavior?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Yes, it's perfectly fine.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

1. He said he couldn't find an apartment until July and you believed that?

2. How do you know that they are getting divorced? Because he told you? Hahaha! You did some online research and discovered that he is married, so do a little more and discover whether he is actually getting divorced.

3. No, it isn't okay as log as they are living together, unless they have agreed to live separate lives. The only way for you to know that is what he tells you. . . and you shouldn't believe a thing he says.

4. Yes, cheaters tend to repeat their behavior. They don't cheat because they are in a bad relationship. They cheat because they have no respect for their partners and the promises they made, and they want instant gratification.

5. If you think he loves you, most likely you are fooling yourself. He doesn't love you; he just likes fucking you, so he tells you what you want to hear.

Avicenna · Answer

I'd be very skeptical that he is getting a divorce. Ask for proof, like the divorce papers. It's one thing if there was a pending divorce and they were no longer living together (even then, it's better to wait until the divorce is final) but they are still living together and his secretive behavior indicates he's lying to you and is in fact cheating on her. Not a situation you want to be involved with.

AviatorTom · Answer

If you're fucking him regularly, he is not your ex... he's your current. And if you know he's married and cheating with you on his wife, what do you think he will do when it's just you and him? You know the answer... he's going to fuck whoever he wants.

Maybe you're happy with that situation, but I'm guessing you can do better.

kylee2437 · Answer

Why would you accept a man that is currently a cheater, and was obviously hiding his current situation. You think he wasn’t doing that to you?

Pinay_ako · Answer

How you got him is how you gonna lose him. Technically he’s still married. The wife always wins this round.

blueonblack22 · Answer

Why is women often post something along the lines of “is it bad” or “is it okay” when asking questions on GAG. They always seem to need societal approval for their actions. Also it’s often not about making a decision they are planning to make but rather about something they already done or are currently engaging in.

Why can’t women be intro perspective enough to determine what’s right from wrong. Listen to to what their gut tells them. It is like their own conscious is non-functioning and they need to be told from someone else if something is right or wrong.

I have posted questions for advice on a decision I am debating to make and if I move forward how to best make it. But I don’t post questions looking for someone to alleviate my own guilt. I’ve made plenty of bad decisions in my own life. However it’s my cross to bear given the consequences. It’s called taking accountability.

Singing_Hollow · Answer

So you 'didn't know' he was in a relationship however you also didn't cut ties with him when you found out he was, you continued. Let me ask you this, if he has no respect for his current girlfriend/ wife, do you really think he will have respect for you? This is the best you can do? Think about it... is this the man you want to raise a family with, one you can trust whole heartily until the day you die? heck is this the man you want to die with? Your standards are too low and if you value yourself that little then maybe you are meant to be together.

MrOracle · Answer

Your Ex is a cheater, and feels perfectly justified for doing so. He also had no problem knocking up some other girl that he clearly didn't care about. That speaks LOUDLY that he has low morals.

And the fact that you have gotten back with him, after whatever broke you up in the first place, and are getting back together with him, when you knew from the start that he wasn't free-and-clear single, says that you also have low morals. I suppose you deserve each other.

But do not be at all shocked when he does more amoral things - cheats on you/has a side piece, leaves you unexpectedly, perhaps with unpaid bills that fall to you, or whatever.

You already know what he is. You are not only excusing it, you are justifying it. Do you imagine that he will hesitate to do this to you too? He's not paying any price for this, so he certainly won't have learned any lessons.

California_Poppy · Answer

Are you sure he is actually getting a divorce? It doesn't really sound like it or at least doesn't sound like his wife is aware of this divorce. 🤔

Why are they still living together?
Why would it be such a big deal if they are for sure done?
Why such a secret?
Has he actually started the moving process?
Why not until July?

What makes you question the morality of it?

And to answer your question? No, I don't think it's okay behavior. There is a reason why his wife would be upset.

sunflower00 · Answer

That is not ok. Imagine being in his poor wife’s shoes. Even if they are going to divorce it’s still wrong especially as they clearly aren’t open and ok about it (since he wants to hide it). If they had agreed they can start seeing other people that would be fine I guess.

Is he even getting a divorce? People lie about that. I’d want to find out for sure. Also, he’s cheating and I personally wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with a cheater.

razelove · Answer

Sure, go ahead and do it. I could show you a video of the future where you're drinking red wine alone and pregnant while he's still railing the wife, you'll still do it.

Anyway, he's married, she's the wife, you're the side piece. It doesn't matter what could happen, or what you hope will happen. That is what's happening.

The most change that you could affect is to upgrade from side piece to straight up home wrecker.

molonski2 · Answer

No big deal , you are young , you are going to come across this stuff all the time " Cheating " , rubbish , its an over used term , nothing is black / white like that , just enjoy the sex , and enjoy the guy you like , the detail doesn't matter , don't overthink it , married in name only.

The easiest of all to snag are married women , so that speaks for itself , carry on.

WanderingLoveWizard · Answer

I've slept with two (maybe 3) women who had boyfriends, so I can't judge you, but I also dumped them after they broke up with their boyfriends to be with me. So I can judge you a little bit

That's called poetic justice. In case you were wondering

JesseP1nk · Answer

You think you will not be cheated by him - sure... 🤣

That divorce talk is bullshit. Only reason why he said it was you found out about his marriage by yourself, not because he told you, right? Only way to keep you around was to lie. If that divorce is real why keep the secret, i mean who cares? And can't rent place till July? Im pretty sure wife does not know anything about this "divorce". This guy is bullshiting you, you dummy.

Anonymous · Answer

I'm Catholic and don't believe in divorce. If they are at the stage that they are getting a divorce then they are no longer a couple but I would be skeptical because married men cheating will say anything to get yiu into bed. For all you know he and his wife are happily married

MysteriousDarkness · Answer

Not one thing about this is good.
1. You get back with an ex by way of him using you to cheat on his wife.
2. Only talks to you when he's at work even though he is moved out.
4. Keeps you a secret.
5. The divorce is not finalized.
You are a secret who helped an ex cheat on his wife and then decide you want to be with him. Guess you're choosing to have a low quality relationship.

FreyaRed · Answer

I would wait until they are divorced. You would exclude this way his opportunity to give you false promises and you wouldn't need to cheat.

BoopBoopBeep · Answer

They're always "getting divorced soon"... until they aren't.

ImHere22 · Answer

No, it's still messed up. You can wait. Like tell him to keep his dick in his pants until the divorce if final and everything is separate. Until then, you're in murky waters.

LovingJo · Answer

That's  your  karma... You  know  what he's capable of and will do it  to  you as well as with you.. So don't be surprised if  you  are the one that ends up hurt at the end of it!! 💯

Is it ok behavior if my ex is cheating on his wife with me if they’re getting divorced soon?

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