Why can't I take action on break up from abusive boyfriend even I know I should?

[Anonymous]

So guys we've been in relationship for 2 years. Thorought the relationship I have heard many hurtful things from him. His talking to me have made me feel he doesn't love me. I' ve been compared to his ex's. He would say sorry in unnecessary things but not on necessary things.

I have to constantly repeat myself to make him understand then he show few changes. Overall he has gaslighted manipulated said hurtful things and I have tried to break up with him many times but everytime I get manipulated and always fall kind of weak.

I will be bad in his eyes no matter how I break up coz he says I took advantage of his trust and innocence and for a moment I start to believe him. I don't why am I not able to break up with him even I should. I think it will be impossible to break up with him even through text. Should I ghost him even after 2 years of relationship? please suggest me guys why is this happening to me.

Updates

9 mo

Thank you all for helpful opinions 😊

[Oliverlogan263]

It can be difficult to break up with an abusive partner, even when you know you should. Here are some reasons why:

1. Fear and manipulation: Abusive partners often instill fear in their victims through threats, controlling behavior, and gaslighting. This can make the victim afraid to leave for fear of retaliation or further abuse. The manipulation can make the victim doubt themselves and their decision.

2. Loss aversion: Our brains are wired to be loss averse, meaning we dislike losing something we already have more than we like gaining something new. Even an unhealthy relationship feels like a loss when it ends.

3. Emotional dependence: Over time in an abusive relationship, the victim can become emotionally dependent on the abuser, making the thought of being without them difficult. The abuser may also isolate the victim from other support systems.

4. Low self-esteem: Abuse often erodes a victim's self-esteem and confidence, making them feel they cannot do better or that they deserve the treatment. This keeps them stuck in the relationship.

5. Hoping it will improve: Many victims hold out hope that the abuser will change or the relationship will get better. But this is rarely the case with abusive dynamics.

The best thing you can do is seek support from loved ones, friends, or organizations who can help empower you to leave safely. Ghosting may be easier in the short term but does not completely remove you from the situation. A clean, direct break is best for your long-term healing. With support, you can find the strength and confidence within yourself to take that difficult step and leave the toxicity behind.

[richardcory]

He is an abuser and is manipulating you. Its almost as if abusers have studied from some playbook - they mostly follow the same patterns. I don't know why it works, but its does - their victims rarely leave.

Leave. Leave now. You have given him enough chances. Its 100% his fault , not yours. You owe him nothing.

PM if you need someone to talk to. But most important thing is to leave him. The longer you stay the harder it will be to leave

[RoseySarah]

Just ghost him and soon block him but before tell him your schedule flipped so you won't be home when he comes to confront you about it..

Manipulate him go on men hate us women no matter what... He already sees you as an ex... It is over when they do that for them.

Really it is cause you care and he relies on that to manipulate you and use you. Listen to your brown and latter your emotions will follow!

Trust me I left after 4 years abusive manipulative looks perfect to every one sociopath. So glad I did a year later he killed his new girlfriend and it would have been me and my sister he killed with his car.

Jus think how happy and glad you will be with someone who cares and you can trust! Coming over on a date!

[RoseySarah]

Thanks for mho

[chevy1]

I was the exact same way i didn't leave mine either but i just decided to move on and love myself instead and remain single of a cheater and emotional abuser just sit and take a good think of why ure still there what good its doing you and how its going to make your life turn put get out more hun dont take crap you deserve better

[slatyb]

Do you have any friends or family that can help you do this?

[Asker]

No I can tell them about this

[Asker]

Can't*

[slatyb]

Why not?

[Anonymous]

Because for one you probably have a low self-esteem. He’s probably broken you down to the point in thinking no one else is going to want you. Making you feel guilty when things go wrong that it’s gotten to the point that you start wondering maybe it is my fault. For some reason you grew up like this. Maybe your dad did it to your mom. You need professional help.

[jahaims]

Past trauma.