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Most people nowadays have a romance mishap in the back of their minds. That’s life.
I have had several. Including one ex who ghosted me after a minor argument after dating for almost a year. But I got over that one. Reason being is I was semi prepared for that possibility. She was much younger, beautiful yet really bitchy to most people except me (only because she had feelings at the time). But I knew if she feel out of love she might fall off the map with no warning. Unfortunately that’s exactly what happened. Horrible but at least I was semi prepared for it.
But the girl I’m hung up on isn’t her. It’s a different woman. With that one I got completely blindsided. My gut usually knows 95% of the time if something bad might happen but with her it was 5%. Long story but she broke up with me (which I knew was coming) but she inexplicably treated me like I was less than human during and right after it happened. I never cheated or abused her.
The only plausible explanation for how she treated me is that she cheated right before we broke up and she had to see me as less then human to deal with her own bs guilt. I just don’t see any other reason for what she said to me at the end.
Anyway it’s been a very long time. I confess I sometimes check up on her IG account. I know she’s not married or has any kids. I know the right thing is just to move on. But I wonder if there is ANY thing I can do that won’t make me look bad to contact her.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
Nah, cheating isn't always the reason.
You probably did something - or just your behaviour or personality are - really bad.
I was extremely disappointed in an ex who revealed himself to be dishonest, lazy, and stupid (as in tried to move countries as though he was moving intrastate).
So probably not cheating. You failed in some way.
I accepted the break up. Owned up to my shortcomings out of principle. I didn’t own up to them expecting something in return. I accepted the consequences.
It was a cold hard lesson about how men are truly expendable once a woman decides he is no longer of any value. Not even human anymore. I’m not exaggerating about how she talked me like I was less than human. This is the same woman who only months ago told me “I was a good man ago to the core”
It’s just a hard lesson about how men are only valued by women for agency. What they can do for women. They aren’t valued just for existing. If a roles were reversed she would most likely be openly suicidal. She would definitely get more leeway and sympathy then I could ever expect.
I think you should look into seeing a therapist to help you get past this.
I worked with one guy extensively. He tells me that I will likely never forget about it but only be able to manage it better with time.
He knows the details of what happened and agreed that it was on another level. Not that makes everything better but at least I know I’m not crazy.
Take his advice.
He’s right. I was doing better for a long time but this thought slammed into me a few days out out of nowhere. Doing better today.
Awesome. Keep at it.