How do I punish myself without inflicting too much damage? I did a very bad thing and I believe I deserve everything bad?

[Anonymous]

This married man pursued me and I gave into my hormones and had sexual relations. He kept being so pushy even when I honestly didn’t want to. Now his wife found out about our past and other girls he was messing around with. She wants a divorce. We knew each other personally. I feel so bad for breaking up a family and feel like a form of self harm is the answer. I honestly hate myself for being such a whore and a homewrecker.

Updates

7 mo

Hey everyone and thank you for your input. I’m learning to forgive myself for what I did. I acknowledged what I did was super wrong and I’m getting better at setting boundaries and saying NO. The dude apologized for putting me in this situation as well. His ex and I talked and I apologized for her hurting her and accepted it, stated she isn’t mad at me, but needs to distance herself which I totally understand. I’m in therapy right now. Thank you again

[Anonymous]

firstly... get yourself tested for STD's. that man is gross and has had multiple other women. secondly, yes you did something very bad and unforgivable. but so did those other women he slept with. i guess what sets you a part from the others is that you know his wife personally. which is a low thing to do...

honestly i'd say just get some therapy and try to make sure his now ex wife knows how much this is hurting you too. and then, leave her be. work on yourself only. no relationships, no sleeping around, just you trying to turn yourself into a better person.

just know that he is worse than you for doing this to his wife and his family and marriage. you'll never be as horrible as a human being as that guy is. he kept pushing you. he is the worst of the worst.

[HelpfulWoman]

Yeah but you didn't break up THEIR home. He did.
What you did was morally shitty, but he was the one who couldn't respect his partner.

[Flatmanlewis]

Well, while what you did was certainly morally wrong the truth is those were his vows that he broke. You are no more guilty than the bartender who poured the alcoholic the drink. It’s kinda shameful but in the end it was his choice to make. Have regret but also forgive yourself and move on with your life. Just learn from the experience.

[BarryLiverstone]

Ironically the best punishment is none. You actually are craving a punishment right now because it will alleviate some of your deserved guilt. Instead have no punishment and deal with the guilt over time; after you have apologized to everyone you hurt

[BarryLiverstone]

by the way obv this is his fault as well. He will have to also go through pain and guilt

[Asker]

I will apologize to her once it dies down. It’s still too fresh and I know I’m the last person she wants to talk to. I’m really trying to stop myself from self harm.

[BarryLiverstone]

Don’t self harm. You have clearly done it in the past and now you really want to.

[Asker]

No I haven’t. I never did anything this bad and I feel as if I deserve it.

[BarryLiverstone]

I don’t believe you. Someone with a history of self harm craves it when they mess up badly like you did. If they have never hurt themself before they wouldn’t even consider that as an option

[Asker]

It’s ok. You don’t have to believe me. I just don’t know what to do.

[BarryLiverstone]

Right now just wait. As I said you will feel guilty for a while

[BarryLiverstone]

Also be sure to block him. Right?

[slatyb]

You don't deserve anything bad. His relationship with his wife is his responsibility, not yours. Maybe talk to a counselor about this.

[RyanK9b]

Basically you don't need to punish yourself. You acted on your nature. And she hadn't to brake up. If he's a real deal, she made a mistake.
Nonetheless is the fault also on the guy too

[RyanK9b]

Good for you.

[Anonymous]

The appropriate penance for wrecking a home is to become a homemaker.

[Asker]

How do I do that

[Opinion Owner]

Become a housewife?