I'm basically all worn out with her. We've been together since highschool and now are reaching out mid thirties. Our lives have been a lot of ups and downs but she seems to always be on the down path and I'm stuck scrambling with the pieces and gluing them back together.
She's had terrible anxiety issues since I've met her and every year it has gotten worse and worse. I feel like everything revolves around her anxiety. Our home is a mess-anxiety. She got fired-anxiety. She can't find a job-anxiety.
So far nothing sticks. She's tried going to a psychologist, taking medicine for it. Everything she tries fails. It's been so bad that I just don't have any more desires to have sex. I'm so disappointed in lifeand her that I don't have the urge. This of course makes her even more depressed but gets angry at time.
We've built a life together that just didn't work out. We have an 11 year old that is definitely catching on to things and I hate seeing it happen. I'm pretty sure I'm done.
I don't know what would happen to her if we were to break up and what type of life both she and my daughter would have since she can't hold down a job.
I seriously thought it was a phase in her 20's but 3 years into our thirties she's only gotten worse.
She's currently 7 months unemployed, at home leaving our place looking like a mess which I have to help her clean up on my two days off of work.
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Very rough situation, and sorry you're going through that. Although she has anxiety and has gone to doctors, the issue is that she still is not putting in her own work to keep herself stable. Even when someone has a clinical disorder, their life is still their responsibility and they still have to put in their own effort to cope and survive. Hell, I know people who have anxiety and I never knew it, because they chose not to take the meds at all but to train themselves to handle it and deal with their world.
I think another issue is that she knows you've always been there, and she might take that for granted. A lot of times when someone is the weaker half - even in sibling relationships, they just keep being weak because they know the stronger half will always look out for them or try to help, and subconsciously they always expect it. These kinds of people take advantage or take for granted, and it's only when you're gone that they realize they have to do some growing and being strong on their own.
No doubt, it will be an incredibly difficult task for you to have the breakup conversation with her, and you might need someone else there for support, for both you and her. I completely understand your concern about her wellbeing and how she's gonna cope with it, but how she is now is not fair to you either. And she's not thinking about your own mental and emotional health. You have to do what's best for you at this point.
I think you hit it right on the head. I do feel like she takes my support for granted.
The event that got the ball rolling was an intervention of sorts my brother and my sister had with me while I was visiting family for a week (they live about 2 hours away). Even though I already felt this way about the relationship, it never occurred to me how obvious it was to my family and friends.
That is usually the case most of the time. People on the outside looking in can usually the see the problem before you do. It's because when you're on the inside, that's all you think about, it seems normal to you. But on the outside people often can see what's going on.
She is not going to change but can you any better?
The same way you just said it here