Should a breakup happen over finances?

[Anonymous]

I moved out of state for a good job opportunity and my current girlfriend worked at Amazon warehouse. She decided to move in with me and said she would work to help out too. It’s been 2 years and she hasn’t worked. We are planning on moving back next year to be close to family/friends and it’s been tough saving money for a move when she hasn’t worked like she promised. I been very stressed about it but she is not willing to compromise anything to help save. Breaking up with her will make the move possible but I love her. I asked if we could break up for a short time and her to move back in with her parents but she got mad and said no. I don’t think I can move back to the west coast from the east coast if she is still with me not working.

She tried to apply to 5 jobs since she moved in and gets worked up when I ask her to keep trying. I don’t know what to do anymore.

Break up

Don’t break up

[madhatters4]

i think you make it clear that she has to be looking for work. applying for 5 jobs is literally almost not trying. i worked in hiring and it can take months to find a job and this is generally after applying for dozens. so it sounds to me like she is either not trying or has very unrealistic expectations.

regardless you can't let her to continue like this otherwise she will think this status quo is acceptable. if you can't provide for two, which is ok most couples have two working partners in it, then you should not suffer financially for someone who isn't making an effort to help

[Miristheiss]

She is playing you like a fool.

What the hell does she do all day? You go work, pay for EVERYTHING... fund her life and she just hangs out? That's BS. You are a fool to put up with it.

Unless you two have kids and she is staying home to care for the kids then she should be working and contributing.

So at this point you are the one bringing all the value to the relationship. Hopefully she is playing her part in other ways... cleaning the place, cooking all the meals, being a responsive and generous lover who is readily in the mood.

If she isn't cooking and cleaning the place and is a "I'm not in the mood" lover then you are the biggest chump of all time.

[rosemilk]

this is not just an issue about finances, this is an issue of your girlfriend putting literally no effort into this relationship. i don't know how you put up with taking care of the both of you while she sat around without a job for 2 YEARS. especially with these rising prices. she is holding you back and you really need to break up and move on.

[Paris13]

You will end Up The Enabler to Keep her From Really Trying to Sincerely Want Work. Break IT OFF. xxoo

[Asker]

I Guess what scares me too is she also said she would kill herself. She has cut herself before. I learn all about this when she moved in which is hard and blames me if we break up since she said she sacrificed everything for me.

[Paris13]

She Needs Help and Will Perhaps Hold That Over your Head. However, people like Her One Needs To Take Them Seriously. Talk To Her Family... xxxoo

[Paris13]

Thanks, Gag. xxoo

[Finchie40]

She is definitely a mooch if she isn’t working with you , a relationship should be a team effort , if she isn’t doing her part then you are best to kick her to the curb where she belongs , because all she is doing is using you , because she doesn’t want to work period , Why I don’t stay in a relationship with a girl that has no work ethic what so ever and doesn’t want to work as a team. If someone is relying on you to take care of them financially they are only going to bury you further in the hole and once you enter that hole the chances of them staying with you , becomes very slim , because she more than likely will spread her legs to another guy that she feels will take care of her , Most girl’s have a selfish mindset when it comes to relationships, she was raised to believe that she was put on Earth to be catered to and taken care of , she was told by her parents to find herself a man that can support her so she doesn’t have to work, Most Guy’s fall for this shit because he finds her beautiful and attractive and she spreads her legs for him , Little Does he realize , she is a gold digger , So if she has no problem spending money that she didn’t earn and putting her hand out to you to give her money , you are best to kick her to the curb , When a girl really loves a guy she doesn’t hesitate to work as a team, especially if she wants to live happy and secure and content with you , she will be a team partner So if she has no problem spending your money you are a walking ATM machine to her , she is using you period and you are probably best to end it with her , because all she is going to do is put you in the hole , and once you enter that hole it will be your fault that you didn’t make more money. Most selfish girls’ will find herself a man that makes good money , if he is a fat wallet , she will be drawn to that and she will have no problem getting on her knees for him she doesn’t love him what so ever she just loves his wallet and what she can receive from him , Look at all the prostitutes and escorts and strippers , They are only doing it for money they don’t give 2 shits about the guy’s heart , all they care about is what they can receive from him, why I never paid a girl for sex because there is no chemistry and connection what so ever She just wants what’s inside of his wallet , So if she is consistently spending your hard earned money without a care in the world , kick her to the curb where she belongs.

[OlderAndWiser]

The reason she isn’t working is that
1. She doesn’t want to work,
2. She doesn’t need to work, and
3. You are taking care of everything for her.


This won’t work long term. Love is not enough to make a relationship succeed. You need mutual love, lust, trust, and respect. Some of those ingredients are lacking in this situation. You know that, right?

[coachTanthony]

Nobody putting me in the poor house... she gone

[msc545]

You probably need to break up with her. If things are like you've described them, it means that she has almost no respect or regard for you and it's quite willing to go back on our word and make things difficult for you to make things easier for herself. It won't stop with just this issue. There are many more things that she can and probably will do to you that are quite unpleasant to enhance her own comfort and that happened too. Create discomfort for you. You need to face the fact that lover or not you've made a big mistake.

[lightbulb27]

I wonder what's really going on. why did she say she'd work but is not working now or trying? There's plenty of jobs.

given what I read below, she needs professional help. Something is very wrong for her to be threatening to cut herself, avoid, etc..

Not sure what to tell you, will have to be patient.

Yes finances are important. Anything is important that is a stressor and finances can be a big stressor to some.

[Lynx122]

I'd definitely break up. She's using you because she knows you care about her. Break up and find someone who treats you well or stay alone until you do :)

[nonyabeez-wax]

Yes. In this case. Yes. Usually I'd say no, because your money shouldn't matter. But she's freeloading, expecting wife treatment, when she's just a Girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

answer is obvious to me.
stop being a wage slave.
You can do better than limit yourself to a fixed income.
anything is possible when it comes to making a living and only nincampoops and darkies live on a wage for life.
This poor woman needs your male brain to show her how to escape her hellish job at amazon and yet you're doing the very opposite.

[Anonymous]

She isn’t trying hard enough because you’re supporting her, I had similar experience when already married and getting a bigger house and she promised to help with the bills and mortgage but never did, eventually after years we divorced and short sale the house so now I have nothing but memories. She married another guy right away to take of her and doing the same thing to him

[molonski2]

Cut clean the dead wood , she quite deliberately has not worked , she has to go , you can't put up with this.

[BoopBoopBeep]

She's a bum and you're an enabler. Go get a real woman.

[Blueeyes81]

If she was trying to improve I'd say stay with her. If she is putting in no to minimal effort then she can hit the curb.

[Anonymous]

Its hard to ask a woman to work when you a man. Do your credit that isn't really necessary, as Clearly you can support her on your own so why are you not working on a baby?

[ArrowheadSW]

There is a significant difference in values here. You value hard work and she does not.

[Billlewis]

If he's being a cheapskate with her, absolutely.

[noohair]

The only person that you have any chance of changing is yourself. And a relationship is a group effort and you will be carrying her on your back for ever.

[exitseven]

I think finances is the number one reason that people break up. Why rock the boat?

[LiamJHayden]

Whether they should or not, many, many do. Finances are, from what I've seen, one of the top reasons for divorce.

[worldscolide]

Dude she's using you. Move on you will be better off.

[Anonymous]

Break it off unless you want to be burdened forever

[shades777]

finances play a major part in any endeavor this is especially true if you want to be romantic

[Unit1]

what did she do in those 2 years?

[BigDog1989]

that's usually what happens

or they cheat

[Anonymous]

Just earn more money.

[strateguy632]

..2th