***We are Talking Quite Pleasantly Again But This Morning, I Misunderstood Something And He Became Rude A Bit. I Felt very Hurt. When I Called Him on the Carpet, He Became Docile and Jovial. Any thoughts? xxoo
The deepest insult I have ever taken from a woman in my life is from one of my ex gfs. It happened only a few weeks after she broke up with me when we met up for a business meeting. It wasn’t said in the heat of the moment during an argument either.
She didn’t say it with malice. She literally said it with full sincerity. She really believed what she said to me. It haunted me for years and drove me to make some very bad decisions (which were ultimately my fault but just saying).
Anyway people’s brain chemistry changes when a break up happens. The person who is doing the break up especially has a change in heart. They have come to the decision they are better off without the other person. They usually have everything thought through vs. the other person who is usually caught more off guard. The person getting dumped needs more time to adjust to the new reality given it wasn’t a decision they got to make (and usually didn’t want).
Anyway you really get to see how people really are during a break up. You get to see their true colors. Some people treat others respectfully out of general principle regardless if the other person is of any value to them (as long as the other person isn’t a liability or worse a threat).
But many people have no incentive to treat other people respectfully if they can’t offer them anything. And honestly I believe the more digitized and faithless modern society has become the worse this debase selfish human behavior is getting. It’s not “do unto others” any more but more “dog eat dog” and “each man (or woman) for their own”.
Anyway I hate to break to you but your ex really technically owes you nothing. That doesn’t mean him being nasty to you is okay. It isn’t. But as much as it hurts (and I know it hurts a lot) you must accept his brain chemistry has changed. This also shows his true character and ironically reinforces that it’s a good thing you are not together with him. He doesn’t value you very highly as a human being (if it at all)
It would be one thing if you were pestering him, harassing him or even stalking him and he acted this way. I had one ex girlfriend (different one) who went absolutely nuclear when I broke with her. I did it as respectfully as possible to. Drove out to see her and did it face to face over coffee. I really didn’t want to see her at all but I gave her full closure because I knew she would remember that incident for the rest of her life.
Anyway got so bad she ended up threatening to kill herself and needed to be taken into psych evaluation. After she got out she tried to contact me. I clearly warned her to never contact me or my family again and blocked her on everything. Told her that although I felt bad about her situation I also can’t have that. She was threatening me by threatening herself.
However it is quite another story if an ex doesn’t act that way and you decide to mistreat them. This was how I was treated with the other girl. I accepted her break up and yet she saw me as less than human. It showed a lot about her and agonizing as it was (and I really loved her as a person). But again it showed me why it was better she was out of my life. Not an easy pill to swallow but it’s true. What she said to me at the end is how she truly thinks about people unless they can benefit her somehow.
That’s what I have to remind myself of and you should too.
I got a feeling it was more his idea to split than yours?
I never got closure over what my ex said to me by the way. But it just reinforces the hideous truth of her true nature. Reinforces why it’s good I didn’t get serious with her (and that thought did once cross my mind).
It’s sad though. It’s been 10 years now and I haven’t many anybody else like her. I did meet a lot of other women too.
That is nobody else like her when things were going positive in our relationship.
Honestly, this is why it's a RED Flag for most men when women still maintain relationships with their ex-boyfriends. Because even if you are not "dating" you are still maintaining that relationship on some level, and that could very well interfere with your ability to move from it. Which, in turn will have some type of impact on potential future relationships.
Why do you feel this need to be his friend, once you have decided on some level you no longer desire to date him? On an emotional level, what is it that makes you feel this need to be his friend?
The answer probably lies somewhere in-between your desire to maintain or develop an emotional bond with him, because you have some desire to have an emotional bond with a man. That is why you still feel hurt by him. Because you are still maintaining and investing in an emotional bond with someone, that you know on some level you should move on from, but yet you are not. Why?
For him, he gets upset because he is probably feeling the same the way that you are, but from a man's perspective and not a womans. He has a need to want to be close to you, and if that means he can only do it as a freind then that is better than nothing. But on the same level he knows that is not what he truly wants.
These things are all RED flags to most other people that might come long and end up being turned off by it. Because the most important thing a man can offer a woman, is his friendship... but you are already getting that from another men.
Agreed man. I have nothing to add to this. Very well said
Damn. The professor has spoken. You said exactly what I was thinking but didn’t quite know how to articulate.
@Flatmanlewis Yup but the ladies never like hearing it. When it comes to this subject those that must have make friends are fundamental opposed to it.
Cuts too close their driving need for it.
It's definitely a type of cheating without technically cheating. She can have male friends and that's supposed okay. But you like a random chick on social media and she's baffled by why you would do that?
Why does follow sexy women online? But cool for her to be friends with some dude she used to date. Hypocrisy
I think your point is highly plausible I have no idea why you need to turn it into a gender conflict.
They are _both_ experiencing an emotional bond. I’m not sure if needing to be close is a euphemism for sex or just being close… I’m not sure why this is “from a man’s perspective” not being close to someone you were close to is usually something everyone suffers with to an extent. Depending on the personality. Emotional bonds are fairly flat without physicality for most human beings.
@VIVANT I am a man, and I understand my perspective. For those that do not understand that I am a man with a perspective and cannot put that aside and evaluate it by its own merits then that is on them.
Now, I understand that many people will not agree or understand my response. So that's fine, but she wanted to know why this guy's still hurts her emotionally... so I am telling her as a man how I have responded in similar situations, and why she might have felt hurt.
I am not looking for Paris to agree with me, which obviously she did not think my response was MHO worthy... but I am a man, and this man might have more in common with me then her. And when women cannot understand this perspective, that's when problems start. So, to me, she was asking for a person's individual perspective and of course being a man, I gave a man answers.
Do with it what you want, but if you discard it as being something other than exactly what it is, then you are missing the point.
I didn’t tell you to think differently, I asked you a question bc you were the one stating what you were stating.
If it makes sense to you, I do not see why you are being defensive.
What you said made sense to me except the part where you split women and men between support and closeness
They are part of the same bonding process that su psychologically difficult for people to let go of when parting.
Some struggle more than others with diff people have differing amounts of desire for either or or both or one or none
As a human I am not in your head, so I I was interested in hearing why you chose to categorize things the way you chose to as you did so consciously and I was curious if there was something I’d find enlightening
If you do not want to discuss it that totally is your prerogative
You’re a man but you are one man. There are billions they are not all the same.
I asked you about your opinion as the author of your words. No more no less.
@VIVANT Sorry I miss understood you. I am used to this fem-incels trolling me. Which you're not... I apologize
Now that I reread everything...
Men, or my perspective as one man (😉)... men desire physical closeness, it strengthen there emotional bonding process. It also reassures and validates them with in the relationship... meaning they develop a level of confidence in the woman, builds trust, strengthens the bond.
Now women, or women in general. Not every single women tend to need a emotional bond inorder to feel safe within an physical relationship. Yet when she doesn't want to date a man, but wants tò maintain a friendship with him... then in essence she still seeking emotional closeness, and the man may believe it could or will lead to a physical one. I quotes stats often, that state over 75% of all men and women have had friendship turn romantic at least once in life.
So when this friend happens it actually starts to make him miss trusting of her. Because it's like mixed signals. You want to be my friend... but not date me? That is where the over arching frustration comes from. Men tend to get annoyed with her... which was the original question.
Now when I met a woman, who makes a piont to warn me that her best friend is a man she used to date. REDhappened.
No shit, it happened.
Bu mean I was glad she did, but it made like differently about her. But even if she hadn't told me then eventually I'd find out any way and be 10x times suspicious.
Because it's just something that never sits right honestly. Becsuse it's like she's dating two different men on an emotional level, but only one on a physical one.
It breeds jealous and competitive male nature's. And honestly I want nothing to do with it. They need to sort out what they got going on, but I am not getting involved with it long term as 3rd party.
Rule number one for me, is never talk about your past relationship... but she's essentially still dating her ex on an emotional level.
Basically, because you're not over him and instead of letting go and moving on, you keep maintaining a relationship of some sort with him. So, naturally, when he doesn't reciprocate properly, it makes you upset, because you're a person and that's normal.
Since he used to be a close and significant part of your life, it is understandable that his rudeness would sting, especially since you haven't fully let it go. It will take time to heal.
Opinion
29Opinion
@Paris13 I know you have good intentions but it's almost impossible to be friends with an ex. Believe me, I've been there. It's best to move on, find a new someone, and stop thinking about your ex.
@AviatorTom I Live with One for Years who is Family and Biz partner. lolxx
maybe you hurt regardless of the person in conflict?
how about getting into arguments with others and see if hurt the same. it just say you are sensitive connecting, an element of personality. e. g. you want peace and connection.
false expectations?
I eject all toxicity from my life and never look back. You are not, thus you are still dealing with the poison.
That’s a red flag, maybe he is still harboring into something y’all past. I wouldn’t stay to keep platonic friendships with him.
You've got Your pride. It's perfectly normal, You know, as long as You are not exceedingly prideful!
As long as You know who is the real enemy, it's fine to be resentful. For me, it's basically the founding feeling in my life, unless I'm with my Family, Friends or in some situation where being resentful is detrimental.
I can see why he's your ex
The associations of the past do not untangle themselves from their source hence why you feel the way you do.
Communication between humans is the hardest thing about us. So don’t feel bad.
He probably feels unheard or misunderstood and so immaturely lashes out.
It’s never enjoyable when anyone is rude. Especially someone you once had a relationship with. Perhaps you still have some feelings for him. Maybe it would be better and cut ties with him.
No change ever occurs until it becomes too uncomfortable NOT to change. You're not there yet. You need to go to a few Christmas parties.
It is not about you, that is solely on him. Do you feel good when he is not rude? If you do not feel good when he is not rude then that is proof it is not on you…. Have you forgiven him?
I can't believe he would get volatile with you Paris.. Time to beat em up!..
I’ve no idea what my ex’s are doing. Not sure why you interact with them unless you have to.
You're talking pleasantly. Sounds like old feelings of love or nostalgia has seeped into your mind or heart for them due to remembering the "good times" which is fairly normal especially if you're communicating pleasantly.
I know what you mean
I sometimes consider my current to be my ex
I'm my mind she moves back and forth between current and ex
And it's always painful separating
Seems like you need to excommunicate your ex!
probably because somewhere inside you, you still care about him in some way.
Why are you supporting him being rude to you. Ghost his ass
Do whatever you need to for your peace
I guess because you are still friends even though you’re not a couple anymore
I would stop texting him Paris you once told me to do the same thing
lol I Should Practice what I Preach and Teach, @pandaking2p12 xx
Yes you should this is Shawn. by the way
I'm sorry I don't know the whole story but why are you talking to your ex again? They are exes for a reason yk
Because rude is just simply rude there are no excuses for it. Why u still talking to him if he's your ex?
Lol. Well I think you deserve way better than him <3
I still have to deal with my ex and she boils my fucking blood.
Cause your not fully over him yet. How long ago did you break up with him
It's still pretty fresh im so jealous 😌
How many more times. Get over him and move on with your life
Paris, He is your EX and has been for a while. You cannot move on until you stop talking to him.
Trying to Bond as Friends, @exitseven lolxx
@exitseven I removed her from my friends list. I'm so sick of her inviting me to the same bullshit post. She needs to get a life
Aw, I'm sorry 🩷
You're a sensitive lady miss paris
You're welcome 🙂
Why did you break up before
It seems that you still have feelings for him.
You shouldn't have contact with your ex.
Because you're thinking of past traumas which is unhealthy for you. Relax and calm.
Because you're overly sentimental. Why you even GIVE a shit about him is a better question.
Cause you still care possibly.
He was important to you once
Because you still have feelings for them
Because you're not emotionally strong
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