***We are Talking Quite Pleasantly Again But This Morning, I Misunderstood Something And He Became Rude A Bit. I Felt very Hurt. When I Called Him on the Carpet, He Became Docile and Jovial. Any thoughts? xxoo
The deepest insult I have ever taken from a woman in my life is from one of my ex gfs. It happened only a few weeks after she broke up with me when we met up for a business meeting. It wasn’t said in the heat of the moment during an argument either.
She didn’t say it with malice. She literally said it with full sincerity. She really believed what she said to me. It haunted me for years and drove me to make some very bad decisions (which were ultimately my fault but just saying).
Anyway people’s brain chemistry changes when a break up happens. The person who is doing the break up especially has a change in heart. They have come to the decision they are better off without the other person. They usually have everything thought through vs. the other person who is usually caught more off guard. The person getting dumped needs more time to adjust to the new reality given it wasn’t a decision they got to make (and usually didn’t want).
Anyway you really get to see how people really are during a break up. You get to see their true colors. Some people treat others respectfully out of general principle regardless if the other person is of any value to them (as long as the other person isn’t a liability or worse a threat).
But many people have no incentive to treat other people respectfully if they can’t offer them anything. And honestly I believe the more digitized and faithless modern society has become the worse this debase selfish human behavior is getting. It’s not “do unto others” any more but more “dog eat dog” and “each man (or woman) for their own”.
Anyway I hate to break to you but your ex really technically owes you nothing. That doesn’t mean him being nasty to you is okay. It isn’t. But as much as it hurts (and I know it hurts a lot) you must accept his brain chemistry has changed. This also shows his true character and ironically reinforces that it’s a good thing you are not together with him. He doesn’t value you very highly as a human being (if it at all)
It would be one thing if you were pestering him, harassing him or even stalking him and he acted this way. I had one ex girlfriend (different one) who went absolutely nuclear when I broke with her. I did it as respectfully as possible to. Drove out to see her and did it face to face over coffee. I really didn’t want to see her at all but I gave her full closure because I knew she would remember that incident for the rest of her life.
Anyway got so bad she ended up threatening to kill herself and needed to be taken into psych evaluation. After she got out she tried to contact me. I clearly warned her to never contact me or my family again and blocked her on everything. Told her that although I felt bad about her situation I also can’t have that. She was threatening me by threatening herself.
However it is quite another story if an ex doesn’t act that way and you decide to mistreat them. This was how I was treated with the other girl. I accepted her break up and yet she saw me as less than human. It showed a lot about her and agonizing as it was (and I really loved her as a person). But again it showed me why it was better she was out of my life. Not an easy pill to swallow but it’s true. What she said to me at the end is how she truly thinks about people unless they can benefit her somehow.
That’s what I have to remind myself of and you should too.
Honestly, this is why it's a RED Flag for most men when women still maintain relationships with their ex-boyfriends. Because even if you are not "dating" you are still maintaining that relationship on some level, and that could very well interfere with your ability to move from it. Which, in turn will have some type of impact on potential future relationships.
Why do you feel this need to be his friend, once you have decided on some level you no longer desire to date him? On an emotional level, what is it that makes you feel this need to be his friend?
The answer probably lies somewhere in-between your desire to maintain or develop an emotional bond with him, because you have some desire to have an emotional bond with a man. That is why you still feel hurt by him. Because you are still maintaining and investing in an emotional bond with someone, that you know on some level you should move on from, but yet you are not. Why?
For him, he gets upset because he is probably feeling the same the way that you are, but from a man's perspective and not a womans. He has a need to want to be close to you, and if that means he can only do it as a freind then that is better than nothing. But on the same level he knows that is not what he truly wants.
These things are all RED flags to most other people that might come long and end up being turned off by it. Because the most important thing a man can offer a woman, is his friendship... but you are already getting that from another men.
Basically, because you're not over him and instead of letting go and moving on, you keep maintaining a relationship of some sort with him. So, naturally, when he doesn't reciprocate properly, it makes you upset, because you're a person and that's normal.
Since he used to be a close and significant part of your life, it is understandable that his rudeness would sting, especially since you haven't fully let it go. It will take time to heal.
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@Paris13 I know you have good intentions but it's almost impossible to be friends with an ex. Believe me, I've been there. It's best to move on, find a new someone, and stop thinking about your ex.
maybe you hurt regardless of the person in conflict?
how about getting into arguments with others and see if hurt the same. it just say you are sensitive connecting, an element of personality. e. g. you want peace and connection.
false expectations?
I eject all toxicity from my life and never look back. You are not, thus you are still dealing with the poison.
That’s a red flag, maybe he is still harboring into something y’all past. I wouldn’t stay to keep platonic friendships with him.
You've got Your pride. It's perfectly normal, You know, as long as You are not exceedingly prideful!
I can see why he's your ex
The associations of the past do not untangle themselves from their source hence why you feel the way you do.
Communication between humans is the hardest thing about us. So don’t feel bad.
He probably feels unheard or misunderstood and so immaturely lashes out.
It’s never enjoyable when anyone is rude. Especially someone you once had a relationship with. Perhaps you still have some feelings for him. Maybe it would be better and cut ties with him.
No change ever occurs until it becomes too uncomfortable NOT to change. You're not there yet. You need to go to a few Christmas parties.
It is not about you, that is solely on him. Do you feel good when he is not rude? If you do not feel good when he is not rude then that is proof it is not on you…. Have you forgiven him?
I’ve no idea what my ex’s are doing. Not sure why you interact with them unless you have to.
You're talking pleasantly. Sounds like old feelings of love or nostalgia has seeped into your mind or heart for them due to remembering the "good times" which is fairly normal especially if you're communicating pleasantly.
I know what you mean
I sometimes consider my current to be my ex
I'm my mind she moves back and forth between current and ex
And it's always painful separating
I can't believe he would get volatile with you Paris.. Time to beat em up!..
probably because somewhere inside you, you still care about him in some way.
Why are you supporting him being rude to you. Ghost his ass
I guess because you are still friends even though you’re not a couple anymore
Seems like you need to excommunicate your ex!
I would stop texting him Paris you once told me to do the same thing
I'm sorry I don't know the whole story but why are you talking to your ex again? They are exes for a reason yk
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