Do you think it’s better to stay friends with exes, or to cut ties with them?

Question

NathanDavis · Accepted Answer

I can only speak from my true and actual experience here, so... to keep it shorter

-with my high-school girlfriend, we were best friends before we were a couple, so we grew up together and went through things together, and 99% of our relationship was great, so we just naturally kept the great friendship part and have remained great friends since

-with my college girlfriend was very similar, we were great friends before, became a couple later, great experiences, then we remained friends because it was "easy" to just go back and remain the great friends we've always been

now, later in life... and with my more recent ex-girlfriends it was a bit different because we were not exactly friends first, and we met and got into each other with the intention of being a couple so, although we had a great experience and we have kept things friendly and positive with one another, not being close friends before makes it just different... as we only know each other as lovers and it is also way more recent too... so we stay in touch yes, and we catch up from time to time, we keep it friendly but were are not really that close as friends... and it would not feel as natural and as easy as the other two

now, if they had been bad relationships, did bad things... or anything/something was wrong, I would just rather cut all ties and move on, I would not look back... but I have never been in this situation myself before

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

I have had enough bad experiences with girls who were still "in touch with" an ex that it is an overwhelming red flag for me (unless they have a child together, of course.) I don't want to date a girl for 3 or 4 months, start getting attached, and then hear that she is getting back together with her ex. It's painful and I won't do it again.

For me, staying in touch with an ex makes it more difficult to put them in the past and move forward, so I almost always go no contact after a break up.

VIVANT · Accepted Answer

I think it’s perfectly fine fit people mature enough to do it, it requires honestly end knowing yoireelf we’ll bough t know your incentives are not to get back together

people ego insist that absolutely no one should or can remain friends, are not capable of doing so & these people should not. But they should also stop insisting they speak for the world 😂

Julie4 · Accepted Answer

There is no simple answer to this question. I would simply say that it depends on the situation, that is to say, how you separated. If you separated in a respectful way then yes it is possible, but if there was too much resentment and anger, it is not even worth thinking about.

Avicenna · Answer

Depends on the circumstances and personalities involved

BullShark · Answer

As I usually do, I'll try answering this question as neutrally as I possibly can. When talking about exes, it's important to understand that not all exes fit under one criteria. Not all of them were abusive and bad partners, not all of them were caught cheating and not all of them left you heartbroken and traumatized off of love. But if they are THAT type of ex, then yeah, they don't have any place in my life anymore.

Even if they come crying and apologizing, saying how sorry they are or how wrong they were, depending on the things they did and the damage they dealt, I can forgive them eventually, sure, but I can never go back to how we used to be before, because I don't want to relive all those memories. Even if a small part of me still wishes we were back together and misses the things we did, a bigger part of me still knows that they're not good for me.

On the flipside, if we broke up because life forced us to; our families weren't happy with them being in our life, we were both busy with school or work or whatever, or if we had to move states, if they somehow turn up in our lives again, we're both still single and still love each other, then that there is a sign that we're both meant for one another. But then again, those instances are also very rare, so yeah.

Kaneki05 · Answer

I try but they don't bother. It's never made any sense to me, if two people have a good connection why should that be wasted? If it don't work out then keep the connection as friends.
At that point it becomes regretting trying to be with them in the first place and should of just stayed friends, but regretting trying is going to have that nock on effect which then in future case they may not try.
Add that to another reason I don't make the first move.

This is of course not speaking about relationships that end with hate.

smne35 · Answer

That's up to you and how you broke up parted ways, it's nothing wrong with being on friendly terms with your ex, I can honestly say if I was to see my ex or talk to her a billion years from now, it would be too soon but if you just like having that reminder in you circle that's cool I just got to ask why, it's like I read that book no need to read it again I know how it ended so I'm good, some people are just no damn good but if you have a friendly connection with you ex cool just if your seeing someone else hope he's not jealous type

Fabiloso · Answer

I'd do my best to keep a safe comfortable distance. But if they were clingy and seems to worsen their mental health for you to keep up any friendship then nah. They'll be okay and you'll be better. The world's full of people and decent people too sometimes. They all deserve love and to be cared for. You can help them find someone else or something to occupy their thoughts with. Try and send them off happily but overall best they are out and maybe a returning facebook friend that wishes birthdays n such.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

It depends on the ex. I'm still friends with my first ex, I was still very close friends with my 2nd ex until about 5 years ago when she got pissed at me for not giving her my last 58 cents to buy cat food for a fucking stray cat!! And, I WOULD still be friends with my last ex had she not been cheating on me, lying to me and stealing from me and then accused me of trying to fuck her niece just because I told her she's gorgeous!! I don't need psychos like that in my life!! I have ex-sisters and cousins for that!!

DJB72 · Answer

I have 2 serious exes. One I'm in touch with who I've known since I was 16. We lived together for over a year and the breakup was not dissimilar to the position in Korea.

The other girl I met aged 26 and we were engaged. We split up fairly amicably but she never responded to Olive branches I tried to offer.

After about 14 years the first girl and I reconnected on Facebook and we've stayed in touch since. I'd call her a friend and she's someone I'd try to help if she were in trouble and I could do something.

The second responded to my friend request by blocking me.

I don't consider that a loss.

Wallythewalrus2 · Answer

I’m sure your “ex” would be more than happy, he probably prefers to remain friends with you. I’m also sure you want to remain friends with him and I don’t blame you! Although I don’t know him, I imagine he’s an amazing guy. charismatic, witty, highly intelligent, sexy, has good style and probably so much more than I have room to write, after all, he won your precious heart. Yes, Lisia, remain friends with him! You’ll both be better off.

Screenwriter · Answer

It's according to what kind of and reason for the breakup that occurs.

If the breakup is awful, I'm sure you don't want a thing to do with them. However, if you share children, you might have to forge some kind of tolerance with shared custody.

Friendship? You'd have to have some kind of smooooth mutually agreed upon breakup due to attrition to approach friendship. But if you've gone your separate ways in the marriage, why would you ever continue to be friends?

ZackBan · Answer

Depends on how it ended. I would say ties need to be cut to a certain extent by default but staying friendly with them is not a bad thing.

I for one hear from my ex every few months. We exchange a few texts asking how we're both doing and just leaving it at that. It's barely a 3 minute conversation and does not impact our future relationships but we also broke up on good terms for a various reasons outside our immediate control so we won't pretend to hate eachother now.

Anonymous · Answer

Depends largely on the circumstances of the break up. If its cheating or abuse then no.

I'm still friends with my childhood sweetheart who is now a lesbian. But then we grew up together and she didn't cheat on me and we have always had each others back. She's less like an ex and more like a little sister who I've f*cked and still have nude pictures of

Jasmin01 · Answer

I'm sure it depends on why we broke up. I don't want to have any contact with the guy who cheated. In one case, we both realized after a short time that we thought each other was nice, but we couldn't be lovers any more. I still have a friendly relationship with the man, even though we both have other partners.

Johnny2479 · Answer

It honestly all depends on many different things. Like--The types of personalities both of you have. How deep the relationship was. If you have kids together. If you have other mutual friends. If the breakup was amicable and you just decided you weren't a good fit for each other. If you get a new partner will they accept that your friends with an ex. Can you be friends and not hold resentments from the relationship. There's really no cut and dry answer for that, there are many of times where people should not remain friends after they break up. Yet on some occasions people remain good friends after breaking up for the rest of their lives. It's on each individual person to decide.

FreyaRed · Answer

It's better to go away and cut them off. The risk of jealousy, misinterpretation or interest conflicts is very high and chances you become friends again is practically zero.
I know it's hard to keep someone you like at distance but happy friendship isn't more than egoistic wish think

236color · Answer

Cut ties. You may want the cover of "we're still friends" to reassure yourself that you are the bad guy. If the relationship end, however, it ended. Someone was not getting what they wanted or needed. It is NOT a kindness to "remain friends" it can be poisonous to the next relationship. Do them and yourself a favor, make a clean break. You don't have to be cruel, just be gone.

BoobMan · Answer

I think you can stay "friendly" as in no bad blood, but I don't think it's useful to continue to hang out. You need to think through your goals which probably include things like advancing your other relationships and/or whatever your career goals and interests are and chances are pretty good there are better uses for your time than continuing to hang with the ex.

HawkPerception · Answer

It's best to cut ties entirely and move on. Don't keep photos or videos together so you can reminisce about the past. It can also make things a bit complicated when you get into your next relationship and regardless of whether they want to admit it or not, it will most likely make your partner feel at least somewhat uncomfortable. The mature thing to do is make a clean cut, because memories and sexual experiences you had with your ex will always be with you.

Bricealan · Answer

I have a 'talking' relationship with my prior wife, as she had called me several times, since our long ago divorce. Not all that unusual. In my 20's after two years with the hottest relationship in my life, a girl called me back 6 mos. later

Not so unusual.

ChicoFromThe305 · Answer

Being friends only puts the people in a spot where it will make it harder to move on, it's why I don't agree with it, maybe after the feelings for each other are gone but personally I'm the type to never look back and I refuse to change that, its always worked for me.

Drumlin2001 · Answer

In general cut ties. But if kids involved you should stay civil at least.
Having said that, my ex was best friends with a friends wife, things didn't end too badly between us, at first, so I would have stayed in friendly terms. Circumstances did sour after we broke up, haven't spoken to her again. Think she's cut ties with friends wife too

ProbablyClueless · Answer

Ideally, you would be on good terms (or at least on neutral terms) with your exes. I'm not a fan of cutting people off, if I don't have to. That's one aspect of modern culture that I really dislike. I don't believe in treating people and relationships so disposably.

Danny_dan92 · Answer

If you are considering or are in a relationship/seeing someone it’s best to completely cut ties. For the sake of your current or potential relationship.

The best way to go about it, is ask yourself if it would bother you if the person you’re with or are seeing was still in communication with an ex of theirs. If the answer is yes, then clearly it’s wrong.

loveslongnails · Answer

That will depend on the reasons for the split and how it went down. Suggesting that it's a maturity thing doesn't universally stand up, especially if one partner really does something hurtful or evil to the other. Sometimes you're just better off when someone is out of your life completely.

Anonymous · Answer

Unless she’s giving up the bush, no it’s in a man’s best interest to cut ties w her. Most men stay “friends” w exes because there’s a chance he will still be able to hit that on the side. Not much in the way women can do for men in a friendship.

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

Cut the ties, because in my opinion a person evolves forward and not backward...

You can't be friends with someone whom you used to love and broke up with, becauwe there is a big reason why both have broken up from each other, they can't act as if nothing had happened while they know that there's a big issue between each other which might include: "suffering, pain, brawls and so many other things..."

AydenHazor · Answer

Depends on the ex and why they're an ex. My ex wife I remain on good terms with, though I'd like to cut contact, because of my son. She's the only ex with whom I'd like to cut contact though as she was verbally and emotionally abusive to me, but fit my son's sake I keep things civil. The rest of my exes I was good friends with before dating and have been able to maintain a friendship with, some closer than others, after breaking up.

SunnyRS · Answer

I can never be friends with my exes, we might talk if we see each other someday but other than that no I won't stay connected with them.
As for your question I don't think we should stay connected with them especially if the break up was not amicable.

Thestupidusername · Answer

I think it depends. Usually its better to cut ties because one is problaby still with feelings and it can get toxic. But if both have moved on and non of them want to hurt the other one then sure.

DeeDeeDeVour · Answer

Except for one, my break ups with the rest of my exes were peaceful & pleasant.  Clearly, we did not become enemies of some any sort.  That doesn't mean we have to stay in touch.

Anonymous · Answer

In my experience, the contact already got cut by time. But I also notice its imposible the stay friends with your exes. Its a fairytale in which a lot of people believe in. There is almost always one of the two who still has feelings for the other, despite they broke up.

etsylo · Answer

I guess it depends for me. i didn't stay friends with my previous exes, i just moved on and left it as that.
but i don't think i can remain friends with my boyfriend if he were to be my ex. that would crush me 😭

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

It's never good to stay friends with your ex. Because there'll always be an expectation there. Once you cross certain lines, you can't go backwards plus it's unfair to the new person you're dating that you're still friends with your ex. How will that make them feel?

IslaTheWitch · Answer

It depends on the situation and how the break-up went. In my case or I didn't want to keep any contact or the other person, so 2 exes are out of friends list :D

Anonymous · Answer

Depends on the ex. I don't know how to turn off caring about someone. So if we had a good split I'd have no problem staying in contact. Keep in mind that's subject to whomever I'm with though. She has to understand that ends if the partner I'm with doesn't want me to have contact or minimal contact.

Anonymous · Answer

I had a friend who always skipped from one relationship to another and she always remained friends with her exses (even when they wanted to try over). We talked about it and her conclusion was that if you ever stayed friends with your ex it probably means you never had strong feelings towards them, because otherwise once it's over it's over and better move on.

Horse-girl · Answer

It depends, if you end on a good note and you still get along there's no reason to not be friends just because you were together once upon a time.

Bekaaaaaaaahhhh · Answer

Cut ties with them, just to save complications with any new partners and as well you don’t want their new gf’s coming to you as a woman to find out stuff. It can just create drama, I’d move on.

SphynxUK · Answer

Depends on the person doesn’t it. I’m still friends with my ex. He’s coming to Christmas dinner! I would still be friends with my ex husband if he was allowed…

Daddy88q · Answer

All beenI think that would all depend upon you and him and where you are in your life in my opinion people cut ties with each other because of feelings whether there mad or hurt if the both of you can look past whatever split y’all up stay friends just make sure nobody is leading on

TiaNour · Answer

I think it depends on how the relationship was, but from my experience I think it’s better to cut ties with them

HighValue · Answer

No contact with them ever. If they have contact, it is disrespectful to any future partner. Never be in a relationship with someone that has any contact with an ex.

lilBigPotato · Answer

It's always better to stay on good terms with people, no matter what your past relationship was with them. But it's not always possible

sawno · Answer

In my last breakup we just ended up hurting each other trying to stay friends for a bit after. Not going to make that mistake again.

SimplyPut · Answer

Depends on how toxic it was. Also if you have kids with them you need to be friends. Need to trust and even rely on that ex. I have that with my son's mother.

RageBabe · Answer

I believe it's okay to stay friends if the breakup is amicable; if not, it's probably better for you to cut them out of your life.

AutumnSerenity · Answer

It’s always best to cut ties that way it doesn’t interfere with your current or future relationship in any way.

Crmolon · Answer

Personally I prefer to cut ties (not fully) as I don't have bad blood unless the cheated or something. But for me and my recovery from the breakup, I feel distance helps with that

aceleon · Answer

cut ties, we didn't break up out of good intent now are we, also i don't wanna stay friendswith an ex knowing they fuck other people.

LiamJHayden · Answer

Depends on how long you dated and how it ended. If it was a "You are great but the romance just isn't there" from both, you can stay friends. If even one is bitter or longing for a reunion, cutting ties is probably better.

Crankor · Answer

It's generally not a good idea. There will almost always be some rekindled feelings at some point that will get in the way of your self progression. For me I have a rule that if they insist then maybe I'll consider it after say a years time.

Smashingdoozy · Answer

Depends entirely on the ex and the situation

WhitneySnow · Answer

I try to stay friends but a lot of them don’t want story say they do but use it as an excuse to get back together with you

love_conquers_lust · Answer

Cut ties. Only fulfill legal obligations. 3.5 billion people of the opposite gender and any given person won’t even come close to meeting a fraction of a percent of them.

OnlyMeee · Answer

@lisia I think that depends fully on the circumstances of the break up of the relationship. If there are children involved. If you broke up on mutual terms, I can see that remaining friends could still be possible.

Sonjita · Answer

Cut all ties. It will only be a problem in your next relationship.

strateguy632 · Answer

better to separate and no messages but start new finding another.

devilish-cutie · Answer

cut ties, cause if you dont do that you are never truly free

Nikki1989 · Answer

I am good friends with all my exes except one.

jcampbell115 · Answer

Depends how bad the outcome of the relationship was and how badly it ended

bowenw · Answer

Usually cut ties, although I am still friends with a couple to a small degree (e. g. Facebook).

Do you think it’s better to stay friends with exes, or to cut ties with them?

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