Should I keep trying or just let her go?

[maximusprime]

I met this girl when I got a new job this summer. She's a senior in high school and I'm a freshman in college. We started working together and she liked me a lot first and was flirty and eventually I noticed it and started to really like her. We texted all day and would always talk online at night until like 1am. We were never official but we were going out. We hung out and stuff and then one day she asked if I wanted to smoke weed with her the next day (I had never smoked before that day). I said yes right away because I just wanted to spend time with her and I didn't really care what we were doing. So we go out and smoke and it was really fun: I was more high off of being with her than with smoking weed. On the walk back she keeps walking closer to me and I was scared to make a move (I'm really shy and to be honest have never had a girlfriend before) then she puts her arm in mine and we walked for a little bit like that. I had to leave after that so we parted ways. To make a long story short, after that I began smoking more and more because I wanted to feel as happy as I did when I smoked with her. But I could never reach that happiness because she was never with me when I smoked. I became a pothead and was a totally different person who she didn't like, then a week before summer ends she told me that she "couldn't see us being together unless I prove to her that I can change" because I was out of control smoking all the time. Basically that was a punch in the face so I quit immediately (I've smoked once while at college so far, so I've basically been clean for about 4 months now) and pretty much poured my heart out to her in an apology letter. Since then I've seen her once or twice a month maybe, with not that much contact between times. I'm trying really hard to be myself and the guy she liked but I don't always know what to do. I'm doing what I feel is right but I don't know if it's working. And in the meantime, I hurt every day because I'm not with her, don't know what she's feeling or thinking, and don't know if this will ever work out.

I still really like her and really want to be with her. I would do absolutely anything for her even if it meant never seeing her again. I just want her to be happy but I don't always know how to make her happy. It seems like if I keep trying, it might not even work out and then I'll just have hurt longer than necessary, but if I let it go then I'll hurt even more because my heart will break.

My question is: do I keep trying to get her to like me again or do I just let it go and try to find someone at college?

[jen-82]

Here's what I think. You are a pretty cool guy. Doing all this stuff to change for her and make her like you. That shows how much you care about her and what she thinks. But I don't think she is treating you with the respect you deserve. It sort of seems like she might be leading you on, but I'm not sure. If you ever get a chance to talk to her, I would do that. Cause then you'll at least know what she is really thinking. Maybe sit down and talk to her and ask if she really thinks things between you guys will ever work out. I totally get that you are a shy guy, I'm a pretty shy person myself. So doing just that might be scary or make you feel uncomfortable, but it is the only way to really see what is going on in her mind and see if all the effort you are putting forth is worth it.

I too know what it's like to fall for somebody and not know if it is worth it. I have been hurt so many times and it has left me always questioning what I should do so that I don't feel all that pain. With that being said, I do believe that if you feel so strongly about somebody you should never give up. Yeah there might be other people in your college environment that you could possibly have a relationship with, but if you care about this other girl a lot you know that relationships with other girls is not something you want. If that's the way you feel, then I think you should keep trying (unless of course you talk to her and find out she doesn't think there is anything special between you guys). But anyways, keep trying, but keep your eyes open for other girls at your college. If things end up going nowhere with this other girl then having other people that you might be interested in as friends could be really helpful.

Best of luck to you, I hope it all works out in your favor. You seem like a great guy and you deserve somebody who truly cares about you. [=

[furnx3]

ugh tough situation. first of all, this girl kind of led you in to a problem with the smoking thing, so that's a warning sign in itself right there. I definitely know how it feels to feel like no one else compares or even comes close to that one person you can't get over.

the first thing you should do is talk to her about it. be completely honest about how you feel. tell her you really want to be with her and you can't seem to get her off your mind or move on. if she agrees, you will find some way to work it out. plus, it's always easier to work things out if you know for sure the other person feels the same. now for the worst case scenario - if she doesn't feel the same or feels like she wants to move on, you have to try and do the same.

i know it sounds impossible, but trust me, there are TONS more girls out there, even if you don't realize it yet. college is where a lot of people find the people they're meant to be with. just branch out and give some other girls a chance. create a lot of options for yourself and make friends with as many girls as possible, then you can look at your options and pursue the ones you're interested in. go on some dates and stay busy to keep your mind off of the other girl. even if it takes a while to move on, finding someone better will be worth it.

good luck, I hope I helped you out. :]

[maximusprime]

She asked me to smoke because she thought that I already had, although that doesn't completely negate what you're saying. I know I need to talk to her and I'm trying to find a good time and place to bring it up. Thank you for your advice.

[seregiel]

Let her go and try someone in college hun. You changed who you were twice to be what she wanted, and it still doesn't seem like that is what she wants. Stop being someone you aren't and be who you are. You will find someone who will again like you for you, and hopefully this time you won't feel like you have to change for her.

Plus, asyou have noted a college and highschool relationship has limited time, and you guys will grow closer to people who can actually be there for her.

I'm sorry, I know it hurts, but try to move on and look at the future. A sweet guy like you should have no problem with finding another chance at happiness once your heart is ready.

[maximusprime]

The initial change into a pothead was unintentional; I'm trying now to change back into who I was when we met. I know it's not possible to be that exact person but I was comfortable being that person even before we liked each other. I feel like it's helping me anyway just because I'm working towards being someone I liked to be. Thank you though..

[everett520]

At college you will see more people everyday that will probably make better partners at this stage of your life. There is definitely a social divide between college and high school. I would probably still be friends with her, but move on to other people until she shows interest in pursuing you.

From me experience, if you have to change yourself to get someone to like you, then you are already on the wrong path.

[Tech21]

yeah id say keep in contact with her but look for other girls, and don't kill yourself waiting, try to get involved in other things too as time passes by and don't keep begging to her lay off and let her realize ( if she does ) that she likes you, try to act how you were in the begining and try to just be friends with her for now and if you get bacj to normal with her then you can take the relationship further

[lolypop]

she is not smart about smoking weed and she's already made you change yourself twice! I think that you are putting way more effort into the relationship than she is, and that's not fair. Find a girl that likes you for you, doesn't make you change yourself, and is smart! Also, someone in college is more appropiate for you because the high school environment is way different than a college one. Good luck, and don't be ashamed for not having an official girlfriend till college, that just eans that you are smart and are truly looking for the right one :0

good luck

[Jadelil25]

I would leave it a while before you make contact again. She still may need time to think and time to see that you have changed. If you keep chasing her it may freak her out and show that you are desperate.

Id say leave it a little while, maybe a couple of weeks before you try to make contact. After that time maybe email her and ask her if you can talk or txt her and ask her if you can talk. If she does not respond then as hard as it is, you need to try and move on.

[sexygirl8000]

i am so sorry that happened

that really sucks

but I think you should find someone in college. I have a feeling the girl is giving you an excuse because if she smokes weed, then she shouldnt have that big of a promblem dating you. my guy does drugs and I don't really care and I'm perefectly straight edge.

but smoking a lot IS a turn off. so quit entirely, see other girls, and maybe you'll be back to your old self when you don't even know it, and she will come back for you.

[maximusprime]

She smokes weed but she's smart about it. She smoked maybe 10 times the entire summer, and she only smokes when she can't get caught.

I look at the girls in my classes and yeah, there are some cute girls and some really hot girls, but none of them compare to her. Maybe I'm just stuck on her but so far nobody can even reach her level.

[Anonymous]

while in college, you should be around people that are in your same environment, plus if the girl isn't trying hard to be with you, or hang out she might feel pressured or uncomfortable so just back off for a few weeks and then get in touch with her again, and if she still doesn't try to want to see or be with you then deff let her go, but still try to meet some new people right away while in college.

hope that helped

[maximusprime]

We hung out before Halloween and she wanted to take a picture of the two of us but her camera ran out of batteries so she said we'd have to do it on Christmas. We've hung out 2-3 times since then and the last time when I dropped her off she said, "see you at Christmas." I'm getting mixed signals otherwise and it's a little frustrating.

[Opinion Owner]

Yea I understand, I did something similar, where I pushed a guy away, and then realised that I wanted him, and now I'm getting mixed signals.. so like I said just give her sometime, she might be confused or busy

[charlotte10594]

heyy, you commented one of my other questions I asked annonymously, and I just wanted to let you know that I think it is one of the sweetest things ever. and I think you"re reallyy cool.

:)

[maximusprime]

Why thank you :) Hope I was able to help you out.

[theguy2006]

U should let her go if a girl make you smoke weed then she doesn't deserve u