How do I tell my ex things are serious with me and a new guy?

[Anonymous]

My ex and I broke up not that long ago and I started dating casually. I ended up meeting someone who wants to be exclusive and had the same serious intentions I do. My ex and I were in an agreement to uhh... keep each other company casually until we found someone else. I didn't think this would happen so soon but how and when do I let him know it's done? I know he may not want to be friends and that it'll shift the dynamic a lot. How do I cope with missing him even though I may have a new amazing boyfriend soon?

[Oliverlogan263]

Oh dude, that's a tough situation to be in. On one hand, you want to be respectful to your ex since you guys just recently broke up. But you also want to be real with this new guy if things are getting serious between you.

I'd say the best thing is to be fully honest and upfront with your ex. Have a conversation with him soon, like face to face if possible, and just let him know straight up that you've started dating someone exclusively now. Even though you both said you'd stay casual, things happened faster than expected. Make it clear you still want to stay on good terms but can't continue hooking up.

It might sting for your ex to hear at first, but ripping the bandaid off quickly is better than dragging it out. And who knows, maybe with some time and space he'll be okay with still being friends. As for missing him, that's totally normal after a relationship. But focusing on building something new with this new guy will help. Just give it time.

The most important thing is being respectful to both guys. You got this - just be open about where you're at now and where you see things going. Good luck, girl!

[SallyTho87]

You do not owe your ex anything, not even your friendship or company. Since you BOTH decided to remain in contact as friends, mutually agreeing to stay close and keep each other entertained until you began dating, he SHOULD know to expect that it WILL happen, and respect it.
It doesn't matter the length of time it took you to meet someone new, let your ex know you have found someone whos values are aligned with yours, and you're going to move forward on your own.
Wish him the best, and leave the ex as an ex.

You will still miss him, especially if it's recently happened, and sometimes jumping into a new relationshp right away isn't the best idea. Sure it'll help keep your mind off your ex, but you also DO need to take time to heal properly, respect yourself to allow yourself to overcome the loss of losing your ex, someone whom you cared about and loved for the time you did.

He will understand, and if he doesn't, like you said - it's an agreement you BOTH made. He shouldn't give you any backlash about it. and DONT allow him to make you feel guilty, or guilt tripped into remaining his friend. MOVE forward on your own.

[padrepiedra777]

Well, frankly I think you've gotten yourself into this predicament. I'm not shaming, but I think its only fair to be honest. You can't do the liminal-space-benefits-thing with your ex and not expect an uncomfortable conversation (which is actually the real break up conversation) to happen when one of you finds someone else.
You're just going to have to be strait up.