I understand there are a lot of bad men out there and they do hurt really good women. It pains me to see so many women hurt by bad men where women have given up on love or everything. So how long does it take for women to heal or give love a second chance?
I have given second chances to a person I dated for 8 years, and in the end, it was me trying to compromise my own happiness, needs, wants, aspirations, and me overly trying to convince this person to love me, when he did not. My first relationship was an 8 year long relationship, I was lead on with false promises, I was the one constantly having to compromise my own life, to fit into his. I would always make the plans, book dates, set up his birthday surprises, valentines, holiday, anniversary date days and events, as he took no initiative to. Eventually things began to spiral. He started relying on substances as a way to cope with the outcasting he was experiencing at work (he was not a team player, so instead of helping his team when he has nothing to do in his position, he would sit in his crane for 8hrs and ignore everyone else, playing games on his phone, etc) whilst everyone else would be working to handle the hundred other things that could be done. He chose he would not help his team, as he was better than they were, and it "was not his job" yet... it was.
He brought that stress home, eventually getting suspended from work, getting written up multiple times for messing up at work, damaging property, etc. Instead of babying a full grown man, I tried to help give him a reality check, and discuss his actions, and try to suggest counseling. Instead, he went to his mummy and cried about it, of course she comforted him, told him his workplace was wrong, and I was not being supportive of her baby boy...
Substance abuse continued, he started drinking and getting REALLY high everyday, to the point I had to watch him like a child so he wouldn't burn his house down or hurt himself.
He began to get verbally abusive, criticizing me, poking fun at me with hurtful comments about my complexion, height, etc. He would sexually harass me, as he wasn't in the "right state of mind" being super high all day, or drunk. He'd grab at my clothing trying to remove my top whilst I was cooking dinner, or try to remove my top at the grocery store, He would shove me around, push me, and whipped a towel at my face because I asked for a clean towel to shower.
All in all, I think abusive relationships take a great deal on everyone. As a woman, I have healed, and still am healing, through my own ways. I felt like I was the ugliest, disgusting, lame ass, pathetic, woman in the world, that I was never good enough, I could never do right, I was always creating issues when my feelings or concerns were expressed, etc. However, after the relationship ended, I realized it was not my fault for caring and trying to love someone, and help them. I WISH I could help everyone in my life get to where they want to be, and overcome the issues they have, but i know I needed to take time to refocus, and heal. I still deal with insecurities, I still look in the mirror some days and see him looking back, or him trying to remove my clothing without my consent. I STILL dream of him and the shouting, the throwing and tantrums he took.
It takes a long time, but it is possible. <3 I hope if any men, or women are dealing with a relationship that is abusive, or makes YOU feel unsafe, that you one day soon realize that is not your soul person. A person who pretends to love you just to use you for your body, or keep you around because they like the way YOU love them, is not your soul mate.
Good luck. Screw that guy
@Telekinetic-Potato Thank you :)
@Telekinetic-Potato I second that! š
It just takes time, but time and therapy can really speed things up. No one should have to be subjected to an abusive relationship. But the good news is once you're out of it, the healing can begin. as I'm sure other people will have said there is no set time limit, because everybody is different. Well itās. true, we all deal with stress and trauma differently. The really sad thing is the more abusive relationships. You're in, the quicker you'll be able to move on, eventually being abused will become normal for you. so the best thing anyone can do after an abusive relationship, is to take some time and take stock of the abuse that you had to endure. the last thing you need to do is "forget about it, and put it behind you!ā As painful as it may be, remembering that abuse, remembering the signs and triggers before you were abusedā¦ All of that will help you in the future if (God forbid) you should enter a relationship with another abusive person!
The healing process can be a complex and deeply personal process for women. It often involves a combination of emotional, psychological, and practical steps. Firstly, she needs to recognize that the relationship was abusive by understanding the patterns of the abuse, which doesnāt have to just emotional and physical but also sexual or financial. She needs to thereafter build a support network of trusted friends, family, or support groups who can provide emotional and practical support. Thirdly, she needs to engage in individual therapy with a counsellor experienced in dealing with trauma and abuse and also perhaps join support groups where survivors share experiences can provide comfort and understanding.
Fourth is to prioritize self-care activities that promote well-being, such as exercise, healthy eating, and engaging in hobbies. This in combination with improving self-confidence and independence. One has to learn to set healthy boundaries in all future relationships to protect oneself from future abuse. Fifth I would say is to perhaps engage in creative outlets like art, music, or writing to express and heal from the trauma. This might be an effective way to process the emotions and experiences. Sixth step would be to practice self-compassion and acknowledge the courage and strength it takes to leave an abusive relationship and heal. And to understand that healing is a gradual process and be patient with oneself.
Each person's journey is unique, and the above steps might work for one but not others, so more things need to be incorporated. In the end it's important to proceed at one's own pace while being kind and patient with oneself.
There isnāt really a set time limit , only she can make that decision on whether she wants to meet someone else or stay single. My advice is to not wait for anyone , that is unsure about what they really want , when they are ready? They will come to you , if not, then itās their loss not yours. one thing I have learned about liking a girl , is to never be a convenience to her , if she isnāt giving you the same or equivalent that you are giving to her , you are best to focus on yourself and move on , do not have Sucker written on your head , if she wants to be with you , she will come to you , hopefully before you meet someone else , if you meet someone else , oh well , thatās her loss not yours. Never give your heart to someone that isnāt giving you their heart in return , you will only be hurting yourself by waiting. When someone truly values you and appreciates you, they donāt treat you like a convenience or make you wait. They give to you the same way you give to them , they choose you the same way you choose them , never settle for less.
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I would think most do, but it can take a long time
They tend to repeatedly choose the same type of men. They either like being abused or dumb enough to not learn from past experiences. There are far more men that are abused by women (emotionally, financially, and physically). Society tends to put down good men and promote traits of bad immoral men and activities so more women go with partners that they should avoid because women are often easily manipulated by the media and trends. They need to think how a partner will affect their life long term instead of just in the moment/short term. Same goes for their decisions. Many make decisions that will negatively affect them for the rest of their life and then get upset that no quality person wants them because of their decisions. There needs to be more guidance growing up from fathers, but so many women prevent fathers from being in the kid's life that generations of women are misguided.
Can they? Do they? We take everything with us through life. Lessons learned. It can become a cycle as a person can be put into a defensive state. In turn lashing out at good men (all people close to them too) unintentionally, then in turn hurting them. PTSD is real. It takes treatment and time.
I meant to make this neutral as men can be hurt by woman too.
There is no certain time frame in which it takes to heal from heartbreak, because it depends on soooo many factors. The amount of time you were together, if you loved them, if they loved you, if your dealing with other complications in your life, if you are battling mental health issues, if they still try to get back into your life, and so on. A way to see if youāve fully healed from a break up is if you think of them with someone else & see if it upsets you. I promise you, you will eventually move on, it just takes time and the key is being patient. you are allowed to venture out and meet new men, even when you arenāt fully healed. You donāt have to immediately make commitments, just testing the waters first is totally fine :) I hope this helps in any way possible!
It took me a good year to feel ready to get back into dating. I'm lucky i met my partner honestly, he's been so patient and completely honest with me as I'm still working through the traumas my previous relationship left me with (a decade later). It's hard
How do women heal or move on from abusive relationships?
There are many ways, but the best way is to seek out some therapy, get in touch with women's aid and reframe their mindset to not focus on trauma and instead focus on the now and all the future possibilities, whilst at the same time making themselves less vulnerable to falling into another abusive relationship.
All of these things in conjunction with the basics like, 1. Cutting contact with your abuser. 2. Moving away from your abuser. and 3. Focusing on other things in life, eg distractions like Uni-Work, going out for meals with friends etc; and 4. Process what happened, but do not obsess over it, usually done in Therapy, with all of these, you're bound to move on and heal.
This applies for both genders
I almost fell @on_my_knees when I misread the first basic point "1. Astral cord cutting" like you're some shaman wizard soul healer.
I can tell you firsthand it just takes time, faith and mental fortitude. I had to be strong and pull out of my situation for the sake of those under my careā¦ I had to have my * together. My faith has always been strong and Iāve always been blessed to have good people on my pathā¦ and Iām relatively stubborn-but-cheerful sort as a rule, so once I found my footing again I was able to move onā¦ and to pay this grace forward in gratitude to pull others back up along with me.
Trust friends and family. When they tell women the first time, women must listen and exit a bad situation, quickly. Allow trusted friends to guide them in finding the right man. They shouldnāt always trust family. Some parents have their own ideas about who THEY want their daughters to end up with. Trusted friends see from a totally different perspective.
One thing that hopefully would help is for her to realize she was not the problem the guy who was abusive is a ahole and she just needs to maybe get to know the next guy better take it slow before committing to a relationship to make sure he's not going to be like the last jerk. Cuz eventually one's true colors do come to the surface so give it time
Once you find out he's abusive, LEAVE!!! I've been giving you the same simple, VERY logical advice for the past 40-some years!! But, all I ever get back is, "I CAN'T leave!" "Why not?" "Because I LOVE him!!" "Well then, I guess you're gonna HAVE to learn to put up with or love the abuse, too!!"
And then, when you DO decide to leave, you run right into the arms of ANOTHER guy who's JUST as bad, if not worse!!
There's a lot of misandry out there, so my guess is many don't.. We only blame those crusty men for the problem but how about we put some responsibility on the women who choose these men simply because they make them feel fuzzy feelings and they like the drama.. Toxic people usually end up with other toxic people.. Sometimes good women get tricked and snatched up by toxic guys, but the really good ones know when to run away..
Unless it was outright brutal physical and sexual trauma at a young age or over the span of a very long relationship/marriage I truly believe women are better at moving on than men from this. They cry, get help, men are more patient with them, etc.
People āsayā itās alright for men to show their problems but it really isnāt.
Hard to say but be careful with women who say they were in abusive relationships with an ex, often that is cover when in fact they were the abusive violent narcissistic cheating one.
Women don't care enough about men to ask us this question so why do we men care enough about them to ask this?
There is a difference, I care and you don't. You ask your self why don't you care?
Why do you care?
Trauma never truly go away and healing takes timeā¦
But I think it helps to changed the narrative of being a victim to being a survivor as a good start.
I haven't had an abusive relationship bad enough to break me or my spirits.
However, after every breakup, I kept myself productively busy to leave the past behind.
I guess that's a stumper. I knew one who had 3 divorces and hundreds of separations over 31 years and remained with the same guy. She suffered broken jaws, arms, leg, many ribs and her nose broken so many times it couldn't be broken anymore. Always going back till he passed. She was 17 he 32 when they married. If it were me, being a woman one pull of my hair and we're done.
Most of the time... they don't. They get hurt, then say all men suck and build an impenetrable emotional wall that prevents any other man from getting fully close with them.
@LadiesFavoriteToy You might want to ask men this question since we are the ones who get severely emotionally injured - by women. Probably the same ones you are pandering to.
Lookā¦. Sometimes people genuinely put on a good act to pretend to be someone theyāre not. But a lot of people choose the kind of people they are with. But then play the victim and unfortunately my sympathy with people has ran thin.
Lol no there isn't. The number of shitty men are vastly outnumbered by the good men. Women pick the shitty men because they "can change him". Play stupid games win stupid prizes.
i hear they *greive for weeks and eat ice cream as if nobody wants them anyway.
i move on in 1 day
give up on love? i don't because i have Jesus. He will provide. Never settle on some piece of shit is my rule
A son of one they dont heal in many cases or move on. They end up with PTSD and severly mentally ill and take their anger on their son who happen to look a lot like his father.
They don't.
I mean they could probably try to move on, but they prefer to dwell on it forever so they have more things to whine to their friends about.
No idea. Sometimes people get over things in time but sometimes they don't.
They get into abusive relationships because they were damaged in the first place.
seems to take long time depending how deep the cut is, sometimes never.
By cutting ties with their ex partner and taking times for themselves to heal instead of jumping into another relationship.
Usually they don't and lose their souls to the streets. I have little sympathy, as these women usually passed up many good men to choose the abusive asshole.
Therapy, building your self esteem, and as painful as it isā¦ replaying the moments in my head and analyzing the abuse itself are currently helping me.
Spend time with loved ones so you remember you're amazing and worth more than what you have experienced ā„ļø
Some women find a good man soon after leaving a toxic relationship. Some, though, never trust men again or worse, go from bad boy to worse lad.
@Drewtate That too sometimes, but isn't that more a case of the woman's mental and/or emotional issues?
Some may need therapy but I think meeting a good guy who is kind and caring would help
Whatever time they need and speaking to a therapist can help them healed.
Women move on by crying for hours and watching titanic to sooth the pain, women are such crybabies nowadays, they might as well wear diapers.
There is no set time limit.
Fact: most women never heal.
speaking from experience it takes a long time
By accepting it and moving forward
They start banging every Chad in sight.
They would the same way that men would
They stay single.
Therapy time out from relationship.
It varies depending on the person's own world.
With lots of patience.
I donāt know how they do it
We party lol
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