Should I go to a party that my ex will be at?

[KBird]

So my ex and I broke up around 3 years ago. We only went out for 5 months, and it was a very mutual breakup. Now, he doesn't believe in being friends with exes, but I dont share that same belief. If the breakup is mutual, I am ok with remaining friends, or at least being respectful to each other. I understand that he doesn't wish to be friends, which I respect, however, some of his friends and I are still really close. They have mentioned to me on multiple occasions that they "like me more" or "have more in common" with me than with him. Anyways, these friends (lets call them Jane and John) are having a party and have invited me. Jane told me the other day that my ex is not comfortable with me coming since it will extremely bother him and his girlfriend. I dont understand why it would, and I was going to bring my fiance with me anyways (he doesn't have a problem with potentially meeting my ex). My friends still really want me to come, and say that my ex can leave if he feels bothered. Should I still go, since a majority of the people there will be my ex's friends, and not mine. Am I encroaching on personal space/boundaries?

Also, my ex and I have not spoken since the breakup.

[TheRealPepperPotts]

The way I see it, you should feel free to attend with your fiance if you want to go. You were invited as well as your ex. I don't know why your friend Jane would bother to relay a message like that. She sounds either very naive or possibly manipulative herself. It's not great that they tell you that they like you more or have more in common. The reason is that it's creating more drama.

I'd personally tell them that a) I don't want to discuss the previous relationship anymore, and b) I would appreciate it if they would stop as well. Just say you want to be respectful of their relationship with your ex and avoid more negativity, that you'd prefer to let the past be the past and that you are happy he's found someone else (assuming those are your feelings and desires, of course).

It's really more than time to break the ice. If he doesn't want to see you, he doesn't have to come. Just be prepared for him to be passive aggressive if he is already attempting to control whether you come or not. He's being immature. Be the bigger person and don't play the game. Be kind, be yourself, and don't allow yourself to become riled by anything he tries to do when you are there. Just my initial thoughts...

[osmanthus]

I don't see why you can't go with your fiance to this part, nor why it would be an issue for your ex boyfriend's girlfriend. If the girlfriend would feel insecure, that's somewhat understandable but the man you're with now is engaged to be your husband. Your ex does not have to be your friend or intimate with you anymore but he also doesn't have to be your enemy or treat you like dirt, either.

If he and or his girlfriend behaves less than civil (respectful) at this party towards you or your fiance, the host has the right to ask him and or his girlfriend to leave.

[osmanthus]

Even myself, when there are persons I'd rather not see, attend a gathering, I have minimal to no interaction with the persons. I'm not shouting or anything but people have a hint of knowing where I stand with the person and do diligence in keeping us as far apart as possible.

Anything beyond a "hello" at times can unsettle some people, so, it's not at all something to discount or not heed as a possibility of discomfort. Soured relationships can hit hard and seeing the person can hurt like a bitch, I know.

[AviatorTom]

If you would go to the party on its own merit, you should go, and bring your fiancé with you. You don't need to interact with your ex unless you or he wants to.

Many years ago, while we were married, my then-wife and I were godparents to her niece. Many years later, we amicably divorced, and a few years after that, our god-daughter/niece got married. At the wedding reception, my ex-wife had her boyfriend (soon to be fiancé) with her, and asked me if I'd like to meet him. I said sure, walked up to him, shook his hand, and congratulated him. We've met in various family get-togethers since, all on good terms. An ex doesn't need to be discarded or ignored, nor affect the way you live your life.

[osmanthus]

I agree. This is a healthy attitude and perspective to take. For very obvious reasons, if the divorce ended in bitterness and fury, well, then understandably, this approach would be much harder to take.

[TommyMountainFigure]

I appreciate the predicament you're in but this is HIS problem, not yours! Everyone else wants you there, so I would go just for them as well as for myself.

If your ex wants to be a baby about it? Screw him! Nobody there will see you as the bad guy I assure you!

And to answer your question, in case there was any doubt.. Damn right I would go, I love parties!

[snowboarder720]

You should still go.
Your ex should carry the burden to respect their own boundaries, not you. So if they are uncomfortable then that’s really their problem. You’re just there to enjoy a fun party that you were invited to with your friends and fiancé 💯

[snowboarder720]

I wanted to mention that I also choose to not be friends with my ex’s. Though I don’t expect them to not be around their friends or not go to parties because of the possibility of me being there. That’s just being controlling.

[Caroline91]

You have been invited. Go if you want to. Let your ex deal with his own stuff. All sounds pretty immature to me.

[LaurenM1997]

I would go it’s NOT up to him if you go or not he’s not in control it’s not his party it’s his friends I would show up just to piss him off even more

[LaurenM1997]

And she’s right if he’s that bothered he knows where the door is

[bowenw]

I think you should go. It is him that should not go if he has a problem with you or any other guests in attendance.

[Peridot25]

It would bother him and his new girlfriend? Is he serious? Go anyway. You’re both in new relationships now and your friends want you to come. Don’t let him stop you from hanging out with your friends.

[DreamLife7]

He's not your ex and wasn't your boyfriend. You're labeling him as a boyfriend yet if you ask him I'm sure he will deny he had every dated you. Secondly, 3 years I doubt he cares you exist that's why he doesn't speak to u. Stop being a weirdo

[DishLady]

So go to the thing. Sounds like the only person who will make it awkward is the ex.

[Ms_Facesitter]

If you have to ask this question, I don't think you should go.

[NYCQuestions1976]

You're thinking about this too much. Go or don't go, but don't use your ex-boyfriend as an excuse either way.

[nawtee_me]

Just because you are exes doesn’t mean you can’t be friends. Just be on guard and have a good time….

[Anonymous]

Go ahead. You dated for 5 months years ago and now both in relationships. Focus on yourselves.

[handsomelad70]

I'd go, if only to show your ex you control your life and decisions.

[Anonymous]

If you want to go, go. He is not your concern anymore (:

[Kelley1]

Unless you are an ass, don't go.

[Fireguy17]

Sure why not?
They are there so why not you?

[sheikalana]

I personally wouldn't go.

[strateguy632]

you should

[Kit_Kat88]

Look super hot

[Billlewis]

@Kit_Kat88 You *are* super hot, if I may be permitted to render my humble, meaningless opinion.

[Kit_Kat88]

@Billlewis you don’t know how I look like though. That picture isn’t me

[Billlewis]

Yes, ma'am, I understand, but it's your persona and verve that's so, appealing to serve.

[Kit_Kat88]

@Billlewis you can serve me by cashapp $1000 for new heels

[Staximus]

What kind of moron spends $1000 on shoes

[Kit_Kat88]

@Staximus I never said I spent that on shoes

[Staximus]

You just said you wanted $1000 for new heels

[Kit_Kat88]

@Staximus I know but I want someone to get them for me

[Peridot25]

What’s the point of her looking hot when she’s engaged and he’s with someone else? That’s really stupid 🙄

[Iron_Man]

Yes go