Should I be ok with my GF is going to a party her ex will be at?

[Anonymous]

So this girl I'm seeing asked me a couple weeks ago to go to her friends bday party at her friends house. I said yes at the time and with the party now 3 days away she tells me that her ex will be there and asked if I was ok with it. I asked how recent this ex was and she said November they broke up. She asked if I was ok with it and unfortunately I said yes. The more I think about this I'm pissed that she would want to go to a party her ex is going to be at and I really want to tell her I'm not ok with it. When I asked if she'd talk to him she said she might just say Hi. We've only been dating for a couple weeks and I do really like her. Do I just let this be and go with her or call her out on it and say go without me. Really at a loss here. Help.

[Anonymous]

Honestly: I guarantee she knew long before this that he would be there and it is likely one of the reasons she wants to go... she waited until last minute to tell you so she could manipulate you if you had problems with it. This will not end well. But if you spoke your mind and told her it made you uncomfortable, she would make you the bad guy for it.
If the tables were turned, she would be completely within acceptable bullshit to tell you that she was uncomfortable, but as a male you are pretty much a dick "if you don't trust her" and when it turns out badly... you will be the sucker.

[Asker]

I agree that I feel like she knew for awhile but is it necessarily a bad thing to be showed off in this situation? I also agree that I'm in a lose lose situation here I tell her I dont want to go I look like a possessive dick and I tell her I'll go I look like a pussy. The lesser of 2 evils would be to go and pretend like I don't give a shit right?

[Opinion Owner]

You may be a pawn to make him jealous.

It would be advantageous to go, and judge how she is. If you watch her eyes and see if she is looking for him, how does she react when she sees him, how does she act afterward.
If you can tell that she is obviously still into him, your best bet, as hard as it may be, would be to say "I can tell you are still in to him, I think it would be best if I step out of this situation", this will actually work in your favor (if not right away, it will) if you get all bent out of shape about it or start asking a million questions, she will loose interest quickly in you. But if you act like the mature male, it will make you intriguing. She will want to know why it was so easy for you, she will desire the chase, she will come to you instead of you being the puppy.

Or it could turn out she shows obvious signs of dislike and you are golden.

He will likely pull the testosterone driven nonsense of trying to one up you, of try making you look bad as well.

[DreDay95]

You should be fine. She might be trying to show you off to her ex.

[La-Vicksy]

Be honest with her. Even though you said you were okay with it at ht ebeginning, it's not wrong to tell her you're not okay with it anymore. But I think you should still let her go to that party and why not go with her. Or trust her. Because if everything is going fine beween you two I don't see a problem in seeying your ex at a party. It might be awkward but if she just says hi that's completemy fine. Unless their past is complicated and maybe you should talk about it with her :/

[Littlett25]

Well it's not like she can't go anywhere he is. Just because he's there doesn't mean anything will happen. She'd have to never go out because he probably would go to the same places as her.

[Asker]

In this case she can. She doesn't have to go to the party but wants to even though he will be there.

[Littlett25]

She probably just doesn't care that he's there. Not every girl is stuck over her ex

[justbe]

Ehh only a couple of weeks.. I wouldn't sweat it. I know you really like her but why? Let her do her thing and give her the freedom that's rightfully hers. If you don't feel comfortable with it speak your mind and let her decide from there. If you really don't like the idea then break up with her. There are plenty out there

[Asker]

You wouldn't sweat it and just go? I honestly just don't see any other play here. I don't go I'm a control freak, I do go I run the risk of looking like a pussy/pawn in her game.

[Ihav2fart]

"I do go I run the risk of looking like a pussy/pawn in her game"

Thres your problem, you mind fuck yourself.

[justbe]

I'll only go if I really want to. If I know it'll make me uncomfortable I won't put myself in that position bc at that point I may do something dumb and I'm not doing anything dumb. If you don't go you are just not going bc you don't want to. Simple. it's been wks not months. You don't have to explain yourself. If you go as long as you control yourself you'll look like yourself. Stop sabotaging yourself!

[magicman2k14]

Go with her mate. You can say that you're a little uncomfortable with the situation. Perhaps you should trust her in any case because there is little point getting involved in her past life that really does not concern you.

[Anonymous]

Man, she's gonna try and use you to make him jealous, that's the reason for all this.

[Asker]

We've been hanging out for just about a month so I dont think she has been using me all of this time to get to this one night to show me off... BUT I do agree she will try and make him jealous, not sure that's necessarily a bad thing though.

[justbe]

It's certainly not a good thing

[mutedaisy]

you should just go with her.

[jacquesvol]

If he's her ex, there's a reason for it.

[Anonymous]

as long as he isn't why she's going.

[Anonymous]

Dude, you're getting played. Break up with her.

[Asker]

I'm not disagreeing with you but don't you feel that's a little rash? I mean I would definitely consider that if she were going and I wasn't invited but she invited me to go with her. And we've been hanging out for over a month so I doubt she's been using me the whole time to get to this one night.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah, you were invited to be shown off. Watch what happens at the party. Notice you are going to be the decoration for showing off how much better she is than the ex--and it's probably a ploy to get him back.

Dating for over a month is not a long period of time at all.

And a woman would totally do that for one night. But let your own experience be the judge. Go to the party, notice how she does or doesn't interact with him, then revisit this comment.