Advice on going through this stage post break up?

[Anonymous]

so I’m 4 months post a 4 year relationship ending. I’ve been doing therapy. I’ve been working out. I’ve reconnected with amazing friends that have help me so much along the way I’m sitting with myself and reflecting on where I fell short in my relationship. To give some background, my ex partner used to break up with me when things went bad, didn’t have to be big or small but if he was fed up or tired or anything he was gone. He started doing that in the beginning I made the mistake of begging and saying I would change whatever he wanted for it to work. Well flash four years later and I changed so much that there was nothing left to change besides him so he left me. He broke up with me in one of my darkest moments. In me processing this, I realize how much of a shitty partner he was and how much effort I put in day and day out. Even though I know he wasn’t a good partner and that I definitely deserve better sometimes I find myself shifting the blame to myself like I’ll remember something to be like well. I did do that. I was jealous. I was insecure. I was controlling at times. Maybe I did drive him to this or maybe I did cause this. Any advice on This? Some days I feel empowered and feel like he lost out another days. I’m like maybe he didn’t lose out on anything.

[teamvic]

All you gotta do is whenever you start to think about the good things about him

Stop yourself and only let yourself think about the bad things about him

Also if you think about the things you did wrong. Block them out your mind, for now anyway

I'm not telling you to become oblivious to your wrong doings and to not grow from them but currently you shouldn't be worrying about that stuff until you no longer care about him at all

Or everytime you think about him just block it out in general and think, no matter who's fault it was it's all irrelevant because at the end of the day. The relationship is over

That's what I do when I think about someone

[slatyb]

Your ex is a narcissist. Keep seeing your therapist. If they aren't helping them find another.

[DishLady]

Anyone who asks you to change major parts of yourself is not worth your time. (Just an FYI for the future.)

[strateguy632]

i do not liv in the past like that. no phases just go forward find someone else