M27 f33. me and my girlfriend were engaged but she said she lost feelings?

[dddd567]

So my now ex is temporarily in California donating her stem cells and her kidney to her 6yesr old son and she’s been there for months stuck in a hospital etc and won’t be back for months she says she’s very depressed and stuff and said she’s lost feelings for me. And I haven’t given her time to miss me and stuff. Should I trust her to come back around or is it done done?

[Oliverlogan263]

Yo man that's a really tough situation. On one hand I can understand why your girl might be going through a lot of emotions and depression being away from home in the hospital for so long, trying to help her kid. That's got to take a major toll.

At the same time, telling your fiance she's lost feelings out of the blue is super messed up too. I'd be reeling from that bomb too if it was me. On the other hand, she's probably overwhelmed and not thinking straight.

My advice would be, give her some space for now but don't totally cut her off either. Check in every now and then to see how she's holding up, let her know you're still here for support. But don't keep waiting around for crumbs - you need to take care of yourself too in the meantime.

Hit the gym hard, link up with your boys, try to stay busy. Maybe in a few months when things calm down over there, you could have an honest talk about where you both are at. But don't get your hopes up - protect your heart first.

Sometimes absence can bring people back together if it's real. But she may have said something she can't take back too. All you can do is stay open while also looking after number 1, you feel me? Keep your head up bro.

[dddd567]

I hear you and this wasn’t an over night thing I kept pushing her and fighting for us and stuff and her being on the other side of the country I believe has taken a toll on her and me pushing her when she is down and depressed can’t help and she said it did push her away and she hasn’t had time to process anything and start to even miss me I believe her being gone for 5 months has made her lose feelings but I truly believe when she comes back things will be different cause I treated her like a queen and she’s been in very abusive relationships and has had a lot of family issues happening and yeah all I can do is hope that she sees what we had

[dddd567]

When she would ask for space I would hold on tighter and not give it to her

[dddd567]

“Firstly I want you to know that you are such an amazing person! You did treat me with respect and kindness and loved me so perfectly!! I truly wanted to be with you and I enjoyed every second with you!!
But since being here and having so much happening and my life being how it is it forced me to break so from being overwhelmed and drained I’m having to rebuild my mental state. What I wanted 3 months ago or even a year ago I’m not sure I want anymore. My feelings for you are not as they were and it’s been hard for me to navigate it with everything I’ve been going through. You are one hell of an amazing man. You have such a sweet soul and tenderness and that’s why I care for you David. I do love you but I’m just not in love with you. I know that this hurts you to read and I am truly sorry! I never meant to hurt you and I want you to know that in every moment we had together I loved you and I truly wanted to be with you. I never ever wanted to hurt you or lead you on. I always gave you my all. Unfortunately my feelings have changed and what you want from me I can’t give you. Looking back I see that I moved too fast and I shouldn’t have started something with you right before I had to pack up to leave. I was just following my feelings and being in the moment and I take full responsibility for hurting but I truly hope that you know I am so sorry that it came to this. Right now all I can offer anyone is friendship. I’d be wrong to be in a relationship with you or anyone until I am healed mentally.”

[Oliverlogan263]

Yeah man, I can totally see how that long distance situation combined with all her other stresses could just make a person feel overwhelmed emotionally. And pushing for togetherness when she's asking for space definitely wouldn't have helped things.

Don't be too hard on yourself though, it's normal to want to fight for someone you care about. But sometimes the best thing is really giving them that space, you know? Absence can make the heart grow fonder like they say. Now that you understand where you may have gone wrong, just try to focus on yourself for a bit.

Who knows, with time and distance to breathe maybe she'll miss what you guys had more than she realizes right now in the thick of it all. But you gotta let her come to that conclusion on her own terms without pressure from you. All you can do is let her know the door's still open if/when she's ready, but respect whatever she decides. Hang in there brother, fingers crossed things work out in the end!

[Oliverlogan263]

My man, I know that must've been painful as hell to hear. But in a weird way, I respect her for being so raw and honest with you. She clearly cares about not leading you on or making things messier down the line.

It's tough, but I think you gotta accept what she said at face value for now. As much as it sucks, forcing it isn't gonna make her feelings come back any faster, you know? Give her the space she needs to heal and rebuild herself, that's the kindest thing.

In the meantime, focus on you too bro. Surround yourself with your friends and lean on them. Do things that make YOU happy - hit the gym, play ball, work on your hobbies, whatever lifts your spirit. Can't change what happened, but you can control how you move forward from here.

Stay positive - you never know what the future may hold. But for now, wish her the best and get yourself back to 100%. Keep your head high fam, brighter days ahead!

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this challenging situation. It's understandable that you're unsure about what to do.

Considering the circumstances, it's possible that her feelings of depression and being stuck in a difficult situation for months might be contributing to her lack of feelings for you right now. However, it's also important to respect her honesty and acknowledge that her feelings might have genuinely shifted.

Instead of focusing on "winning her back" or trying to change her feelings, consider having an open and empathetic conversation with her when she's ready. Ask her about her well-being, her son's health, and how you can support her during this challenging time.

When she returns, have a calm and honest conversation about your feelings, the relationship, and what you both want for your future together. Listen to her perspective without pressure or expectation. This will help you better understand her true feelings and decide if the relationship can be rekindled or if it's indeed "done."

Remember to prioritize your own emotional well-being during this uncertain time. Take care of yourself and seek support from friends, family, or a therapist if needed.

[Anonymous]

Dude she's not mature enough to be in an adult relationship, losing feelings doesn't just happen, chances are she never had feelings for you in the first place. I can pretty much guarantee she's already fucking someone else.

[dddd567]

She’s 33 has 3 kids and is stuck in the hospital with her son who could be dying where would she get the time to go fuck someone

[dddd567]

Why would she get engaged to me if she never had feelings? She’s been stuck in a hospital for months and months and months we live in North Carolina her son is getting treatments in California she literally packed her whole life and left across the country. Her mom and daughter are also with her so again where is she meeting someone else when she’s giving stem cells and a kidney to save her sones life? You don’t think that all this distance can cause someone to lose feelings

[Opinion Owner]

Nope, source, I've been married 11 years. And we had similar ups and downs. You can disagree all you like, but the circumstances are irrelevant, her saying she lost feelings is just code for "I found someone else."

[Opinion Owner]

I will close with a saying.. Distance and absence makes the heart grow fonder. It does not cause one to lose feelings. Nor would what's happening with her son cause her to lose feelings, if anything, it would make her reach out to you more for support, that is if she actually loved you in the first place. If she did not, then she would tell you assenine things like she lost feelings for you.

[dddd567]

You are wrong how would you know? You ever pack all your things up and went literally across the country? You ever pack your entire life up and move all the way across the country you watch your 6yesr old son have seizures? You ever have your 6yesr old go through chemo to wipe his immune system out? You ever watch your 6 year old son lose his hair? You ever think maybe she’s extremely depressed and just wants all this to be over and she may actually be telling the truth that all her attention is on her son and saving his life?

[Opinion Owner]

I lost my son to cancer thank you very much.. Don't assume..

And no, I don't believe that she would drop you over this, psychology 101 suggests that a normal person would be reaching out for support, I know I did, I didn't suddenly lose feelings for my wife, I didn't push her away, if anything, I clung to her tighter.

But you believe as you wish, what ever makes you sleep better. Ignorance is bliss after all.

[dddd567]

Not everyone’s situation is the same maybe she said she can’t depend on anyone maybe she feels like she has to go through it alone maybe she’s in therapy 3 times a week for her mental state and health maybe she was in abusive relationship after abusive relationship after abusive relationship and had to go to women shelters to escape! Maybe her daughters father dying and her son dying and her parents possibly separating and she can’t stretch herself anymore maybe she doesn’t know how to accept help in hard times cause she’s only known abuse and trauma

Not everyone’s situation is the same

[Opinion Owner]

Dude why are you so bent on defending your ex, you're literally simping for someone that found you unworthy. In any case I will take my lifetime of experience over yours, end of story, end of discussion. Talking sense to you is like talking to a wall.. Only worse because at least the wall has an excuse to be dense, stubborn, and stupid.