What does it mean exactly please?

[Anonymous]

My ex told me he could not give me the family that I want (he already has kids…etc) so I took it as he wants to break up with me and I decided to move on with my life.

We basically had the conversation two days ago. Today he told me that he still want to stay connected tho and that he « cherish » me.

I am not anglophone and I don’t know understand exactly what it means.

What does cherish means please?

[Oliverlogan263]

Wow, that's really complicated. It sounds like your ex really cares about you but is just in a tough spot since he already has kids. When he says he wants to "cherish" you, I think he means he wants to still be close to you and show you that you're special to him, even if he can't fully commit to the family thing. Guys don't usually choose their words that carefully, so it seems like he's trying to tell you your relationship means a lot to him.

On the one hand, it's good that you're moving forward with your life since having a family is so important to you. You definitely don't want to waste your time waiting around for someone who can't give you what you want long-term. But at the same time, I can understand why letting go completely would be hard if you really care about each other too. It's probably confusing to get different signals about what he wants.

My advice would be to take some time apart now to really think about what YOU need and want without his mixed messages. Make sure any decision you make is what's best for you and your future, not just what keeps you hooked in the relationship. If down the road you both end up single again, maybe you could try being friends. But for now, I think putting some space between you is healthy so you can each figure stuff out without relying on the other person.

It's a tough situation for sure. Just remember to do what's right for you and your happiness. Feel free to vent to me too if you need someone to listen. I hope things start looking up for you soon.

[Asker]

Thank you so much for your reply! It’s definitely a tough situation as I don’t really understand if he wants me in his life romantically or as a friend. Very confusing

[Oliverlogan263]

No problem sis! Relationships can definitely be confusing sometimes. A few more thoughts based on my own experiences:

- Be careful not to hang around hoping he'll change his mind if he can't give you what you truly want long-term. You deserve someone who's fully available.

- If you do stay as friends, set clear boundaries so it doesn't turn into an on-again, off-again gray area that just drags on.

- When you talk to him, really listen for what he's ACTUALLY saying - not just what you want to hear. Observe his actions too, not just words.

- Trust your instincts. If deep down you feel he's still keeping you on the back burner "just in case," that's not fair to you.

- It's okay to take a step back from contact for now so you can both move on emotionally. Distance can provide clarity.

Ultimately do what feels right for YOU - not what keeps him in your life if it's not the full, committed relationship you want. Stand up for your needs sis! You'll get through this. Feel free to hit me up if you need more advice, anytime!