Is it normal to feel guilty after breaking up?

[Anonymous]

Hi,

I just left an 11 year relationship. I am heart broken. This feels like it was coming but we were holding on for dear life trying to make it work.

We got together as teenagers but we fought for majority of these years. I know for me, I had things to work on and insecurities to get over. I felt suffocated however by his jealousy, rage and controlling behaviors. We recently got into a really dumb fight and for me it was the straw that broke the camels back.

Our conversations usually lead to us bickering as he’s always accusing me of cheating or wanting other men. I told him I got invited to a family friends wedding last minute and he blew it out of proportion suggesting that I would be hooking up with guys at the wedding. These past few years our fight follow the same pattern, something small gets blown up, he’ll block me everywhere, either break up with me or threaten to leave, then there is a cool down period where we don’t speak then we come together and he acts like the hero trying to fix the issues.

This time around, he blocked me everywhere but I took time to think and process how I felt. I took a day to think and then texted him to ask to speak in person. He took it as me breaking up with him and went off the rails again. I explained that I just wanted to talk but he wasn’t having it. We went a week without talking. I was truly emotionally drained at this point and didn’t really know what I was fighting about at this point.

He finally texts me to ask for clarity if the relationship was over. Mind you I never broke up up with him. And I reiterated that but everything hit me all at once.. I was truly tired and emotionally drained. By this point, he had unblocked me and prepared to reconcile and really not take accountability for this mess. I made a decision and told him that I was done. Simply because of how much we argue. It’s been consistent and it takes a toll on me. I feel so guilty. Did I do the right thing? This is all I know..

[ohsheeT]

Of course you did the right thing

Because no matter what you're showing him who you are and your boundaries and what you will do when you are pushed into a corner there's no need for it there's no need to even argue about things if you can't talk about it then that means somebody's trying to control the communication that's happening or somebody's wrong and they're not willing to admit it


It sounds like he doesn't have any confidence in himself or the understanding that you are with him so why blame you for something that you're not doing

I mean doesn't he understand that if you were cheating
Would mean that you probably like the guy because he doesn't argue and you would be with him

Well I'm just assuming

But yeah that's one thing that I don't like at all is arguing over stupid stuff I don't even like arguing things are very simple in life but when somebody feels that somebody's doing something else there has to be a reason for it and he needs to get that out of the system but going in a circle every day every other day arguing is no good likes to precious too short to be doing that and when it happens

Negative things start happening along with it especially if there's somebody's blaming

[Purpleronnie]

Honestly I can help be confused about why you were in the relationship with him so long as on the face of it it sounds like emotional abuse from a very damaged person.


That’s just a snap insight though clearly I can’t know for fact.


You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t feel guilt though in my opinion as you were his carer , his therapist and trying to be his girlfriend , friend and partner. An unwinnable situation , failing was a given and just a matter of time.

[WhitneySnow]

You did the right thing. It’s normal to feel guilty. You should stand by your decision to break up with him.

[RageBabe]

Yes, breakups make us feel a range of emotions, from guilt to anger, etc. Take it easy on yourself.

[bobby_bush_eater]

11 years is a serious amount time, effort, and emotional investment into anyone in a romantic relationship, I'd be seriously alarmed by the person who was absolutely fine with it immediately.

It will take time, refocus on your life, set some small goals, plans or just something to do during the day to keep your mind active and elsewhere.

Still it'll be hard at times but time will help you too.

[ihateTaylorSwift]

just shows they didn't make you happy otherwise you wouldn't be sad about it
And they didn't make you feel good if you're blaming yourself
why do that

[Nikki1989]

Breakups can be emotionally challenging, and it's common to experience a range of emotions, including guilt.

[Iron_Man]

You made a very bad decision. You probably didn’t mean it so you better fix it soon.

[Liz1990]

Yes cause you been for long time. It’s like you lost a limb.

[red-lipstick-girl]

You did the right thing Lol

[Ariesman81]

No you didn't. You didn't submit.

[kaucky1]

Shouldn't feel guilty at all