Late last year I broke up with my boyfriend. Honestly it felt right at the time. He had done some toxic things. At times he made me frightened with his anger, I saw him reduce his family to tears, he refused to live with me, he got jealous over the belief I loved my hamster more than him. None of my friends liked him. He admitted his family was trying to get him to break up with me. I asked him to promise he'd never hit me. He couldn't promise. It felt right at the time but I broke his heart. Only a few months prior we went away for a weekend and it was amazing. I had no Idea i would want out a few weeks later.
Thing is, aside from all his faults he loved me. Even now he does and it kills me. I kinda regret breaking it off in a way. I kind of wish I had kept everything as it was. But I'll admit, I'm not 100% sure I even love him anymore. Plus whatever he has told his family, they hate me now.
I don't see us working out again. My family and friends don't want me back with him, his family hate me, he said himself. Of course it's down to us but what life is it if parents don't like the person you're daiting? We even live at opposite ends of the country now. I think I've hurt him too bad to ever trust me again. I just didn't want to risk being in an abusive relationship like so many women in my family have been. But by doing so, I've given up someone who loved me, the future we were planning, and all the small things that made me happy.
I get told I'll find someone better but I enjoyed being with him. It was just when he lost his anger and the fact he refused to promise he would never hit me or get himself some help (even after I offered to help pay for it). But I did love him and I still care for him. I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for breaking his heart. Although I get told I'm not by family and friends, I even wonder if I have overreacted with how much he frightened me. Feel I've thrown 3 years away.
Thing is, aside from all his faults he loved me. Even now he does and it kills me. I kinda regret breaking it off in a way. I kind of wish I had kept everything as it was. But I'll admit, I'm not 100% sure I even love him anymore. Plus whatever he has told his family, they hate me now.
I don't see us working out again. My family and friends don't want me back with him, his family hate me, he said himself. Of course it's down to us but what life is it if parents don't like the person you're daiting? We even live at opposite ends of the country now. I think I've hurt him too bad to ever trust me again. I just didn't want to risk being in an abusive relationship like so many women in my family have been. But by doing so, I've given up someone who loved me, the future we were planning, and all the small things that made me happy.
I get told I'll find someone better but I enjoyed being with him. It was just when he lost his anger and the fact he refused to promise he would never hit me or get himself some help (even after I offered to help pay for it). But I did love him and I still care for him. I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for breaking his heart. Although I get told I'm not by family and friends, I even wonder if I have overreacted with how much he frightened me. Feel I've thrown 3 years away.
