I hooked up with my best friend's son. The guilt is eating me alive. Should I tell her?

[Anonymous]

I have known him since 2011 and he was a little boy. He is 21 and I am 39. He has been attracted to me for a long time and I recently started being attracted to him now that he is getting older. He would come around more and more when his mom and I would hang out together and drink. The three of us would talk about our bad relationships and one day out of the blue he messaged me on Facebook and told me he had feelings for me and was attracted to me. I was in the process of breaking up with my ex fiance and his attention to me allowed me to finally go through with it. He would text me from 6:30 am when he got to work until 10:30 pm when his girlfriend got home from work. On the weekends I wouldn't hear from him because he would be with his girlfriend. After a couple weeks of texting we finally hooked up at my house and we did that several times. Then his girlfriend decided to start going through his phone so he called it off at the end of July.

I agreed to hook up with him because he always told me he would leave her when his lease ends. Although that could be true, it doesn't seem that is going to happen. I feel used and guilty. It's hard for me to see his mom and hear her talk about him and his girlfriend as if they are solid and nothing happened. It is hard for me to see his mom and pretend that nothing between he and I happened. I feel bad for the girlfriend because he has misled me and is currently misleading her. I feel like a piece of shit for what I have done and allowing a kid to talk me into something that I knew was wrong but I was feeling vulnerable at the time and he made me feel wanted and desired.

Now I am having nightmares every single night about what I have done and how I betrayed his mom and his girlfriend (who I have met twice). He is avoiding me and I have not seen him since the last time we hooked up on July 19th and I have not talked to him since Aug 1. Do I come clean to alleviate my guilt or just keep my mouth shut?

Updates

+1 y

I wanted to let some of the comments roll in before I addressed questions. I am not a mother myself so that is how I could separate how my friend would feel to an extent. People assume I am in my mid twenties because I look very young. As far as his relationship, he is currently with a girl he has known since they were babies and although he loves her he is not in love with her. He stays with her for security and because he doesn't want to hurt her. They share a dog and a rental together.

[nightdrot]

Honestly, I don't see anything to feel guilty about. You are two grown adults and he does not need his mother's permission to go out with - and have sex with - any women he wants to and who is willing. That is his business - and yours' - alone.

As to his girlfriend, that is a bit of a different matter and a question over which he should perhaps search his conscience. However, as far as you are concerned, so far as I can tell you had no reason not to believe that his relationship was over - and indeed it still might be. That chapter of the book, if I understand you correctly, has not been written.

In general, I avoid responding to these types of questions as I do not know the people involved, I do not - and cannot - know all the relevant details. In any case, I am only hearing one side of the story. That said, in this case, I make an exception because, prima facie, I truly see nothing for you to feel guilty about.

It is axiomatic that you cannot reason a person out of a viewpoint into which they were not reasoned to begin with. So it is worse than pointless for me to tell you not to feel guilty. That said, you cannot help what you feel, you can only help what you do about it.

If you cannot handle this, that is in your head and your best course is to explain to this young man how you feel, tell him that it is not his fault and cease any separate and private contact with him. Keep in mind that this is between you two alone - two adults - and should not involve anyone else, his mother emphatically included.

That said, it is fair to ask yourself a few things. Do you find the young man attractive and could your foresee a relationship with him - either just sexual or even more? Are you so sure his mother would object - and if she did, is it really her call? Can you ask him what he really plans to do with his relationship with his girlfriend and tell him that you are not interested in any further relationship with him till he ends it with his gf?

At the risk of sounding somewhat clinical, you DO have options. It is not either/or and it is really a matter of controlling your feelings or being controlled by them. If this young man really does interest you, then you owe it to yourself to explore the possibilities and see if you could have a relationship consistent with your feelings and principles.

Seriously, you have no reason to feel guilty. What you DO have an obligation to do is to master your guilt, consider how this young man might feel - merely a sexual encounter or something more - and then take it from there.

Guilt is seldom productive. In this case, though, it may almost be counterproductive. Because of an irrational reaction to a single episode, you are giving up the whole range of "might have beens."

[nightdrot]

Saw your update. It really changes nothing other than this sounds like a self-indulgent young man who lacks fortitude. His treatment of his girlfriend is cruel and is mere playing with her feelings.

How that involves you is a different matter. I would NOT suggest a relationship with so callow a man. On the other hand, if casual sex is something you enjoy and to which you have no objection, then you need not end things with him.

[lightbulb27]

You came to the right place... if you think you are the only person to do something stupid for selfish stupid human emotional reasons, think again.
This makes a lot of sense actually from your viewpoint... you were cheated on, so you submitted to that and cheated on someone else (his girlfriend). They cycle continues... that's often how it works in teh world. He was a drug fix so you fell into that (reminds me of the forbidden fruit in the garden of eden). The fact that you express feelings of remorse is good, it means you have a conscience. I wonder if the boy actually does and that is what concernes me, you've trained a monster?

10,000 years ago, you'd be thrown out of the tribe into the wilderness, probably to die. That's why ou feel that way... shame, remorse, fear, guilt. That's all stuff that is death... and if you don't put an end to those feelings, then they litterly will propagate into physical symptoms of illness.

So gotta deal with it as I don't see you letting it all slide because something deeper is going on and you know his mom. Gonna just disappear or act like nothing happened... which is what he will do by the way! Getting these things out, is how one heals... on paper, to therapist, confession, to God, to the person wronged... whatever it takes... if you are feeling these feelings.

For me, if I was his parent, I think I'd want to know... eventhough he is over 21 and not my business. Not everyone will want to know.

I'd get a therapist and walk through this, write out what happened, get yourself better before you do anything. And stay out of bars and away from males right now, but do seek female support. Grief share, womens group counseling/support group for divorce, etc..

[yucychan]

I'm kinda disappointed in you, really. You are supposed to be 39 but you act like a 19 year old, like a immature love-lorn teenager. You are supposed to be the mature one here. Your best friend expects you to see her son like your son as well, or like a nephew, instead of as a love interest.
The moment he admitted that he had feelings for you and was attracted to you, you should have rejected him right there and then.
When you slept with your best friend's son, were you really thinking that she will give you and her son her blessings to be together? Of course, her son is an asshole for treating women the way he did, misleading them with his empty promises, cheating on his girlfriend with you. But from the beginning, you should have known he never really intend to leave his girlfriend.
You mentioned in comments that your ex cheated on you with several other women, and you were ending the relationship with your ex that time. Then the more you should be careful when going into the next relationship. You, just getting out of a broken relationship, should have known better than to get mix up with a man who is still with his girlfriend, irregardless of whether he is your best friend's son or not.
Obviously, he now regrets his decisions in what he did, because he still loves his girlfriend. Which is why he is trying to avoid you. I understood how you must be feeling vulnerable after you broke up with your ex, and how you just wished there is someone else, someone who truly loves you. But you also can't let your common sense be deluded by your desire for love. You never gave yourself any time to heal from your breakup. It's just one bad decision after another.
And now, you want to come clean with everything because you can't handle the guilt? Is that it? Or are you looking for revenge? He ruined your life, made use of you, so you want to get back at him.

I'm not sure if coming clean with everything will alleviate your guilt. I feel you need help. Go get professional advice, before doing anything rash again. Maybe, the advice does require you to admit to your friend that you'd screwed her son, however, do know that the relationship between you and her will be soured and broken forever. You cannot expect her to forgive you for what you'd done because you don't deserve it. You betrayed her trust.

[DizzyDesii]

This is mho 👌

[Asker]

He does intend to leave his girlfriend and has made no secrets about that as he shares it with his family and friends, not just me. No on in his life likes his girlfriend and they all want him to leave her. She has said herself on multiple occasions that he and I are soul mates because of our similar interests and personality traits. Admittedly I don't think she ever pictured that in an intimate way however she did suspect he had a crush on me and verbalized that to me. In my case he served as a distraction while I was breaking up with my ex. Neither one of us thought we would catch feelings for each other so quickly and before he could end things with his girlfriend. We both moved way too fast in the relationship and it started getting confusing for him. He didn't ruin my life, it will go on as normal. I think what I struggle with most is that when I was cheated on I suspected and just wanted to know. I wanted anyone to tell me anything. They are living a lie, I am living a lie, and that haunts me.

[yucychan]

You must be extremely clear in what you want.
Your best friend's son kept saying he would leave his girlfriend, so has he done that yet? And you also mentioned that he is now avoiding you. Do you really think this is the right guy for you?
Your post and your comments are also a little conflicting, you mentioned in your post that his mom would talk about him and his girlfriend as if they are solid and nothing happened. Now in the comments you say no one likes his girlfriend and everyone wants him to leave her. So, which is which? Nevertheless, it's the fact that he is still with his girlfriend that warning bells should have been set off in your head. Don't ever start a relationship with a guy whom is still with his girlfriend, no matter how much he complains about her.
I believe you are looking for a guy that loves you, and not one for a temp side fling. If so, then don't settle for anything less. Have some standards, have some respect for yourself. You owe it to yourself to select the right guy, one that deserves your love and treats you right.

[Asker]

I agree, I should have been more clear in what I wanted. In looking back I wasn't sure exactly what I wanted when this started which is why I should not have been involved. As the affair progressed I knew more and more what I DIDN'T want though. He has not left her yet, his plan was to not renew the lease with her and it has not expired yet. However, he didn't have a true plan of how to exit their relationship and I think as ours developed and he realized his feelings towards me were growing he decided he needed to do some soul searching and figure out the best course of action. I think that realization, along with his girlfriend snooping, has made him decide to take some time away from me so he can think with as few distractions as possible. Prior to the start of our relationship he would frequently vent his frustrations with his girlfriend to others. Once he and I started talking he stopped doing that and I was who he vented his issues to. According to his mom his relationship is better because she was no longer hearing about fights and issues, however she has no idea it was actually getting worse. So when she talks about their relationship it does make me very uncomfortable and makes me feel guilty. No one likes the girlfriend because he would complain about her all the time and things she would say and do so they knew they did not have a good relationship. Now people aren't hearing those things so they think things are getting better for them. And agreed, I will never get into another relationship if someone is currently with someone else whether they are on their way out or not. Because he was so transparent with his friends and family about leaving her even before I came into the picture I felt it was worth the gamble but I have realized what I am going through now wasn't worth it whether he leaves her in the end or not. You are right, I am looking for someone who loves me. I have realized through this ordeal I am not a side fling type of woman at all.

[Mickey9999]

You betrayed who? Did you and your friend ever agree not to sleep with each other’s kids? Probably not. He a grown man. He cheated on his girlfriend. And him alone. Chalk this up to vulnerability and lesson learned. It was obviously fun while it lasted so keep it as that. Work on you now that you’re single because nothing is worse then hopping from one relationship to another before you’re ready and obviously you weren’t ready. If your relationship wasn’t working, you should have left without being pressed or with another option readily available. Be single. Be self reliant and only good things will come

[DeshawnMGTOW]

she betrayed herself. no young man was going to leave his girlfriend to get in a relationship with her thats stupid lol. The fool just wants to fulfil his milf fantasy when no one was looking and then get back to his girlfriend who he's not embarrassed to be seen in public with

[Mickey9999]

I agree with your first statement but who of us hasn’t made a poor decision especially when emotionally distraught. But let’s not go so far as to insult her. I’m sure he was t embarrassed to be seen in public with her! Just because she made a decision she regrets doesn’t mean she’s an old haggard woman

[Asker]

@DeshawnMGTOW I am not a milf. I have no children. I look like I am the same age as him. He would have been proud to be in public with me as I do receive a lot of male attention. He will leave his girlfriend. Of that I am certain, whether in two weeks, or two years. I just don't want it to be for me but rather because he doesn't want to be with her.

[Tru-陳]

Asker that sounds like a cope tbh. With all respect, you barely ever see a man in his early twenties choosing women in their 30s for anything other than sex. Big age gap relationships aren't normal apart from young gold diggers who go after older men. And I've never seen someone who's pushing 40 look like they're 21 or vice versa. I think you need to accept your age, accept who you are and grow up instead of falling for young boys. Harsh, but true.

[OlderAndWiser]

You knew this was wrong and you did it anyway. After all of this is resolved, learn a few lessons from this experience.

Confessing your sin will help to relieve your guilt but what else will it accomplish? If you tell the guy's girlfriend, will she believe you? If so, it will end their relationship (which it probably a good thing) and it will end your relationship with the guy as well as your friend. You did not turn the guy into a cheater so you are not responsible for the hurt he has inflicted on the girlfriend, but if that is what you need to do, proceed. . . but be prepared for the possibility that she refuses to believe you.

[MikeAndMolly]

Yea a couple of things:

1) It's a little fucked up that you did this. He's young, yea, but that's not really what bothers me. You knew he had a girlfriend, you knew he was your best friends son, and you fucked him anyway. Not a good idea.

2) This isn't a case of "get it off my chest." Adult relationships don't have to be anyone's business but the adults in them. If this is going to end up being a fling, there's really nothing to tell anyone. Just don't keep doing it and move on with your life. Find someone around your own age to be with and try to spend less time around him for a while.

[Asker]

There is a huge amount of sexual tension as well as newly developed feelings between he and I. I cannot be around him and I am certain he feels the same way which is why he is avoiding me. If we saw each other or were around each other again it would be a disaster and the affair would start up again because we have a hard time resisting one another.

[LoU_Hades]

He isn't a kid anymore and partially responsible. Don't take the burden alone on your shoulder. My aunt, younger sister of my father, her man died few years ago got on my neck and pants as I brought her home after family party. I said no and I have been not much older than the guy you slept with.
The other part of situation and your guilty feelings. You can't undone what happened and it the most important point is the discretion of the guy. The truth is useful for none, maybe you will feel better if you tell this your friend. I told none of my family that my aunt wanted my dick.
I think this guy will remain silent, because he could lose his girlfriend.
Well. Your nightmares... Imagine your nightmare if everyone knows about your adventure, you friend stops to be your friend, the guy loses his girlfriend and your nightmares becomes reality for everyone.

[BadApple1]

Telling your friend will be the hardest thing to do EVER! There is a good chance you will loose her as a friend. Do you think after telling her your conscience will be clean and you will feel great again? I am sure you won’t. We all do things that we regret. We need to learn from it and move on. I am not a fan of lying but sometimes it’s better not saying anything but of the damage the truth will cause. Write it off as a experience (good bad or indifferent) and move forward with your life. As for the 21 year old... he is a typical boy and wanting to stick his penis in anything he can... as an older woman you should know this. I hope you can forgive yourself and put this behind you...

[Moonchild714]

You don't hurt others to make yourself feel better!!! Stop blaming him, he's a horny kid, you are a full grown brain completely developed grown woman who gave in to her desires regardless who would get hurt... I've been there done it, but always took the blame never made excuses!!!

[Asker]

I don't make excuses. I believe any time we as humans make a mistake there are psychological factors involved and instances that happen to us where we were vulnerable. I am not playing the victim and pointing fingers at all. Just trying to show a glimpse of why I chose to make the decision I did and now regret it.

[Moonchild714]

You said tge following:

"I agreed to hook up with him because he always told me he would leave her when his lease ends. Although that could be true, it doesn't seem that is going to happen. I feel used and guilty. It's hard for me to see his mom and hear her talk about him and his girlfriend as if they are solid and nothing happened. It is hard for me to see his mom and pretend that nothing between he and I happened. I feel bad for the girlfriend because he has misled me and is currently misleading her. I feel like a piece of shit for what I have done and allowing a kid to talk me into something that I knew was wrong"
but I was feeling vulnerable at the time and he made me feel wanted and desired.

That is pointing the finger and blaming him... You wanted him he made you feel sexy you were going through a break-up, but he did not manipulate you, you just want to justify your actions when the only justification is "you did what you did" that's it nothing else...

Come on by the way, you're old enough to know every man and woman claims their going to leave their SO byt most don't their just saying what you want to justify what you're about to do. I've had husbands and boyfriends tell me they would leave their SO, I'd say let's not start this with a lie we know the truth it is what it is... You have to lie to your family not me...

[Asker]

I allowed it. I make no concessions to that. I am not a victim. I am not making excuses for my behavior. I now feel guilty. Yes he knew how to manipulate me and tell me what he knew I wanted but I allowed it. I am taking full responsibility. He was telling friends and family for months he was leaving her. This was not manipulation directed towards me. Everyone knew it way before he and I started.

[Moonchild714]

But in your original post you are putting it all on him. In fact if he did leave her for you would you even be feeling guilty or is the guilt because you know you are just a piece of ass a conquest and he conquered you...

[Asker]

I would not want him to leave her for me. I want him to leave her for his own reasons. My guilt comes from what I did when at the time I was feeling selfish because I was in a vulnerable state and I did something I regret.

[Moonchild714]

Ok, just asking based on your original statement.

[Asker]

The most frustrating thing about this site is I am limited to 2000 characters so it is hard for me to portray the whole picture when I have to delete some sentences to make it fit. That's why I try to clarify and fill in gaps in comments when I can.

[Moonchild714]

I see. Anyhow, I wouldn't say anything to his Mom, no need to hurt her. And if you want to warm the girlfriend that he's a horndog, which she already suspects I believe do that Anonymously. Again, you don't want to hurt your Friend his Mom.

[Dali-chan]

21 years old men usually never want to settle down, especially with older women so I don’t understand how the heck did u believed that he wanted something serious with you at your age. 🙄
I feel bad for the girlfriend but it’s not a big deal. A lot of guys hocked up with older women they always knew, just tell him to forget about you and that it was just a mistake cause you were both excited and vulnérables. Try to date Guys around your age, who will promise you a serious relationship and a future, and act as if nothing happened, it’s the best thing to do.

[DeshawnMGTOW]

exactly. these dudes just be out here tryna fulfill fantasies

[Dali-chan]

Riley you’re only 8 years old!!! What are u doing in this website XD

[DeshawnMGTOW]

😄

[brunettegirlxx]

Is that Flora from Winx Club? 😂

[Dali-chan]

Yep.

[Asker]

I am attracted to younger men, he is attracted to older women. He likes a take charge type of woman and he wants to be taken care of. I never even thought about making it something serious until he started talking that way and wanting more.

[Dali-chan]

Asker, oh okay. Tbh the only bad thing is that he was in a relationship and some sensitive minds may find that weird that you knew him since he was a kid. But well you were both adults so beside the girlfriend you two didn’t hurt anyone.

[SongBird3]

It sounds like you only wanna do it to make yourself feel good, which is what got u into this situation in the first place.
Honestly what exactly are you going to get out of telling them? If you want to stop being friend with his mom because you feel like you don’t deserve the friendship (which you definitely don’t) or you want to tell the girlfriend anonymously that her man’s been cheating on her (sounds like she was already suspicious) and you can go ahead and do those things.
But I guess at the guilt is really eating you up inside, I guess you could tell them and then take the risk of being known as “the community cougar” to the whole world than go ahead

[SMPlSl]

You can tell his mom what you've done and potentially ruin your relationship with her, her relationship with her son, and his relationship with his girlfriend, or you can just live with the guilt yourself.

Sinse he's 21 he knows what he's done and it's really not his mother's business at all. It's really just between you and him. You can deal with the thought that he probably used you, or you can make his life and yours extremely uncomfortable just to (possibly) alleviate some sense of regret.

I'd suggest just swallow the guilt and don't talk to him again unless you have to.

[Cryostatic]

Nah.

Seriously, bad idea. You're not only going to fuck up your relationship with your friend, you're going to fuck up her relationship with her son.

Nobody wins in this. Maybe you assuage your guilt on one front (probably not), but then you've also got the guilt of ruining other people's relationships on top of it. Nobody wins, everyone is miserable. Just deal with your shit and keep it to yourself.

[Anonymous]

You should be having nightmares. Serves you right, that’s just gross; you knew him when he was little... imagine if your best friend was having sex with your son. The girl deserves to know and the truth will most likely come out anyway. Better she hear it from you

[Asker]

I don't have any children so I think that is how I was able to separate myself from that thought.

[Anonymous]

It was a fun little fling that helped you out through a break-up. Leave it at that. You shouldn't feel guilty in regards to your best friend because it's her son not her lover. If you had a son that was the same age (not sure if you have kids since it's not mentioned) and she was attracted and was going through a break-up she'd probably do the same.

As for the girlfriend. . . I can understand the guilt but you're best to just move on from it. Nothing good comes from you coming clean about this fling. Just move on and don't contact him again. If he's in the area while you're spending time with your best friend then just act like nothing has ever happened between the two of you. Don't make eye contact with him and just focus on your best friend.

[Asker]

No, I don't have any kids myself.

[DizzyDesii]

Thats just nasty. If he's been looking at you for a long time and he's only 21 now... even if you're just now looking at him... you prob raised him. Thats hella weird. Well you can't go to jail since he's legal but please end it. I hope she's really your friend. Otherwise she may try to say you touched her son when he was younger. Im only saying this because I've seen it happen before and my ex “almost boyfriend” was raped by him moms best friend

[cosmicc]

People are giving you a thumbs down but you're right

[DizzyDesii]

@cosmicc thank you

[brunettegirlxx]

I agree with this response as well. I don’t agree that them being “both adults” makes it ok. She still sounds like she wants his attention which means more pain for the mother. I would imagine my dad getting shocked at me having sex with a 40 year old as well.

[Asker]

I did not raise him and rarely saw him as a child. I think that's why I was more accepting when he started coming around as an adult.

[ECityGirl89]

Wow what a good short romance novel this could turn out ok well my answer is you don’t tell her because you’ll ruin both her relationship with her son and your relationship as her friend. Plus the best thing to do is see a THERAPIST about this going to complete strangers about your relationship will make it more stress because everyone has a different opinion.

[MarkRet]

This sounds like a plot for a hot porn movie. He's young, but still a consenting adult. You were both in need of 'something', so you indulged in it. Regardless, learn from this and don't do anything intimate with him again, and don't tell his mother. She would probably get very upset.

[Chuck21]

woman always find shit out

[sidhesh]

Yes very well said

[muliebrity]

Sits in couch. hoodie in the front. Popcorn in the hoodie. okay wow!! kinda cool as my life is colorless atm lol

I think you should and just own up to it. You may lose your friendship but at least you'll get a good nights rest and then plop on the couch like me.

[PinkMichae]

Yes you should tell your friend and you deserve any heartache coming your way. How did you even justify sleeping with a guy you watched grow up and is your best friends son? The age difference isn't even the issue. It's the fact that it's your best friends son and you watched him grow up.

[Asker]

I rarely saw him until the last couple of years once he was grown up. I think that is how I can separate him as a child versus him now.

[MrOracle]

You need to keep it to yourself. It's one thing if you were led to believe that he was single and he wasn't, but you knew he was in a relationship, and you went there anyway. It's not right to blow up other relationships to ease your own conscience when you were knowingly wrong from the start.

You are going to have to find a way to get past it on your own.

[Asker]

I think where I struggle most is having been cheated on myself, I would want to know. I suspected it myself for a long time and I knew that other people knew but no one was telling me. I would have been so grateful and appreciative for anyone telling me, even the other woman. Unfortunately after over a year I had to take matters into my own hands before I found out.

[MrOracle]

Perhaps, but his girl may not see it that way. In any case, that doesn't change the fact that you had no problem violating her relationship at the start, so now you shouldn't harm her relationship further by telling her to assuage your own guilt.

[Asker]

You are right, I had no problem violating her relationship because I thought it was over as did his family and his friends. I am not seeking to harm her at this point, more so to help her decide to get out of a relationship that was toxic to start with and has now reached a level she knows nothing about. If he stays with her he will cheat on her again, of that I am certain. I guess on some level protecting her from any further deception will alleviate some of the guilt I have but then again, maybe not.

[El_Heffe]

I think your brow betting yourself over a mistake is what's giving you the most trouble. To err is human. What you've been through with your breakup and then this short mistake have taken their toll. I honestly think it would hurt you much further to tell this user's mum about what's already over, but he might mention it someday.
I really wish you some solace so that you can start to heal.

[nerms123]

Oh gawd. I would say the number one thing you need to do is get into therapy with a good therapist you feel comfortable with to help you through this. Otherwise it’s going to be extremely difficult.

[lightbulb27]

Yea, I agree with this opinion. I think you need a team some support on your side before you chart a course out of this. I'll say more above.

[LazloHollyfeld]

With you betraying your friends trust, and him cheating on his girlfriend. You both get what you deserve, loss of trust, loss of potentially awesome relationships, and most importantly, the loss of self respect. You earned it, wear it proudly. The inability to control yourself puts you back down with the primates. Your only saving grace would be full disclosure to everyone involved, and take your beating and beg for their forgiveness. At your age, you should know better...

[terrysheets]

If I were you I will keep it to myself just because she's your best frienddon't mean you have to have tell her about every one of your encounters with a man he's a grown man 21 years old makes his own decisions you don't have to ask his mom if you meet the girl in the club if you can go sleep with her does he no he doesn't I'm an older man myself and a lady friend of mine her daughter turn 21 she's all over me have you done anything with her yet but I won't be able to resist if she does again if it does happen I'm not going to tell her mother cuz it would be none of her mother's business I don't tell her mother about ever when I sleep with if s he was to ask me I wouldn't lie but I'm not going to volunteer anything you need to take very clear the he's not going to be your boyfriend this is my opinion I'm only stating my opinion

[abhay69]

You can't change the things that toook place in the past

Now you have 2-3 options
1. If you don't want to take it further. Then just keep the whole mess inside you

2. You can tell his mother about this but this will create a lot of mess and misunderstanding.

3. If you want him back
Its a bad idea

I'll suggest you no. 1

If you are having anu more query regarding this tell me then.

[Poppykate]

How did you think it was going to end? 🤔 The age difference is close to 20 years. Yeah, 🙄 you hear about celebrities all the time with this kind of age difference... but they are celebrities... it never lasts. Take it as a life lesson, and move on. Next time, choose someone closer to your own age... like someone who was born before 9/11.

[loveslongnails]

Ask yourself this: how many people are going to get hurt just so YOU can alleviate your guilt? You messed, so who doesn't? Suck it up, shut up and take it ALL to your grave. Go talk it out with a shrink if it will make you feel better, but don't blow up everybody else just because you feel like a fuck up.

[Asker]

The fact that I have been cheated on changes my perspective. I suspected for a long time and I would have given anything for someone to tell me the truth but no one was. That is where my guilt stems from. I remember the feelings I once had and I have empathy for the girlfriend now after all is said and done.

[loveslongnails]

You are "presuming" the girlfriend suspects anything, which likely isn't true at all, and you've projected your own feelings onto her. Consider that she knows nothing... and you blow the whole thing up? You also feel like you betrayed your girlfriend, etc. In the end, you should admit to yourself this is ALL about YOU. Look, you asked for opinions... mine is that deal with your own mistake internally, shut up about it, take it to your grave, and don't make the same mistake again or a different mistake by blowing up others' lives unnecessarily.

[Asker]

The girlfriend does suspect something and that is why she started going through his phone.

[loveslongnails]

You're not still seeing him. It's over. Her suspicions are irrelevant as you've no doubt been deleted from all his accounts. Again, you asked for opinions. If you're going to argue in FAVOR of spilling your guts because you've already made up your mind, then why ask? Maybe you want validation and for everyone to say "go tell all" !! Here's your worst case scenario if you bleed out. Either way, mom never speaks to you again, the girlfriend gets angry but eventually takes him back and accuses YOU of being the older seductress, and of course, he never talks to you again either. Best case scenario? The girlfriend says thank you, dumps him, your girlfriend STILL dumps you, and you go back to fucking him until HE dumps you. And here's the kicker... even after you spill, your guilt will NEVER be alleviated as you think, it will just be "known". You'll still carry it, so carry it in silence.

[Asker]

Yes, I definitely do want opinions for sure. I think if he broke it off with his girlfriend and we ended up together the mom would come around eventually but it would take a huge amount of time. She sees our connection now, just doesn't see it in an intimate way but that of a friendship. I think my thought in the girlfriend knowing is that she deserves to know. I would want to know because I have been in her shoes before. He would cheat on her again as he is very unhappy and I feel in that way I would be doing her a service by telling her because although I don't know her I do know that no one deserves to be cheated on. Her pressing him even more so now that she suspects something is going on is going to drive him further away. In the end it doesn't even really matter to me that he rides off into the sunset with me or not. My life will continue with or without him. I feel my guilt comes from hiding the truth and lying. I'm just not sure if that will ever go away and may haunt me until the day I die.

[GhettoGirl]

Do not tell anyone regardless of your guilt. He might've had fun with you but that was under the guise no one would know. He ain't going to want word out there he got so thirsty he got took down by a cougar.

[Thatsamazing]

... why does this matter and what is the problem here. People are attracted to each other. People have sex. It happens. I have no idea where this guilt comes from. It's okay. There's nothing to tell here. If you don't want to do it again, then fine, don't. But telling... someone? about something? or whatever? is not going to help anyone involved.

[ChocolateBrowny]

I think you're upset he betrayed your trust and told you something he didn't go through with. It's your choice what you do but if you want to carry on being friends with his mom just forget it ever happened. Otherwise tell his girlfriend and dissapear out of their lives.

[MannMitAntworten]

Keep your mouth shut. Opening it will only end your friendship with his mom and hirt his girlfriend. He might be a little shit, but at this point this is your proverbial cross to bear. Opening your mouth will only be good for you and no one else... particularly your friend or the girlfriend.

Perhaps it would be better just to drift away from his mom so you do not hurt her tomake yourself feel better.

[LIM1T]

Actions have consequences. If you don't tell them, you will always be worried of becoming exposed. If you do tell the truth, you will indeed lose a friend but at least your conscious is clear for admitting your mistakes. In any case, it's unfair for the girlfriend. You know he cheated on her with you. You know what to do, it's just fear that's stopping you

[LIM1T]

Response to update: the guy should be ashamed of himself. Not only is he leading his girlfriend on which he doesn't even care about, yes that's right he doesn't because if he did he would break up with her and let her find someone she deserves. The boy is a coward because he's afraid to be alone. He's also cheating! What a coward, a wimp, a child. I feel so sorry for the girlfriend

[Asker]

I do feel like if I came forward with the truth it would be better received than me being backed in a corner and forced to admit it. And I agree completely it is unfair for the girlfriend. I would want to know if I was in her situation (and I was) and yet no one was telling me what I already suspected.

[Asker]

I agree completely with everything you say!

[GermanGuy87]

I probably wouldn't say anything. If my friend fucked my daughter I don't think I'd be happy about it. Plus I highly doubt he would spread this rumor around. Maybe just never speak of it. If I were to predict the future I would say his girl friend is definitely gonna break up with him ( he's only 21) , when that happens you will probably be hit up by this kid for more sex. I think you could probably end up his fuck buddy or something if that's something you'd be interested in.

[GermanGuy87]

I don't think you did anything wrong lol its just if your friend finds out she will probably hate you for this

[GermanGuy87]

I think if you get involved with this guy he will play with you for a few years and dump you for a younger hotter girl. Don't take it serious

[GreatnessBack]

He didn't mislead you. Your were lonely, wanted some, and believed whatever your wanted to believe. I bet he didn't have to work hard.
He ain't leaving his girlfriend.
If you feel this guilty, tell them or ghost them, I don't care.
Bottom line is you got some fresh dick. Kudos.

[Asker]

Yes I was lonely, yes I wanted some, and yes I believed what I wanted to believe. You are right. He did have to put a fair amount of effort into convincing me but I'm sure it added to the "chase" for him. He will leave his girlfriend, I am certain of that. It could be next week or it could be 10 years from now. I don't expect him to leave her for me and I am not waiting for it. That would be crazy.

[BGJoey]

Don’t sit up here and act like a victim. You allowed yourself to be his slut knowing he had a girlfriend and knowing his mother was your friend. You sound less mature than he.

[DizzyDesii]

👏👏👏 yup

[Asker]

I do not think I am the victim. I chose this.

[boggboss]

Well you are clearly a shit person depends on of you want

[buttcrackjoe]

Id keep your mouth shut and stop being friends with both of them. Honestly I've had so many friends and they all go their separate ways in time. Dont lose sleep over guilt your time is too valuable. He was mature enough to consent and know what he was doing (grown ass man). Put all of your efforts into finding a mature male to spend the rest of your time with.

[SilentWatchman]

My ex was like you. Looked younger than she was.

You should tell his girlfriend. She deserves to know. As for his mom, it's really none of her business.

[Jstunme]

I'd just think of the friendship that you have with his mom. I know it's wrong but you fell for the okey dokey. He was just wanting a piece of ass and he took advantage of a vulnerable situation. Chalk it up to the game. You should get together with older guys. There is nothing sexy about a young kid trying to run game on an older woman. Whats sexy is an older man that has his shit together and while they run game never forget that we invented game.

[Asker]

Unfortunately I am not attracted to older guys. My ex fiance was 9 years younger than me. There is something about me that likes guys looking up to me and putting me on a pedestal that makes me feel validated. I like the feeling that I am in charge and am the boss and I do draw guys to me that want me to be in charge.

[Syrian_survivor]

You can't jst tell her to change that, it's preference and taste, I have a thing for older women and I have a really hard time being attracted to younger women.

[luvsemthic]

Keep your mouth shut! Suck it up! Are you willing to loose the friendship you have with his mom? Is it worth it? And why do you feel used and guilty? Why can't you turn it around? Obviously he doesn't have any and I'm sure he's had a smile on his face simply cause he got some some from a mature woman! Trust me, he ain't trippin! Don't let your feelings run your life!

[Piteka5]

You got carried by the situation, you were breaking up. I think if you tell them, it would just harm everybody, it seems he's trying to break contact to move on. I think you should somewhat to the same, no one was harmed and any bad that might have been done has since stopped. Don't feel ashamed some times the situation dictates how we act.

[Okayboss]

Don't feel guilt. That happened out of excitement and with the concent of both of you. Don't expect him to leave his girlfriend. That's not gonna happen. It's just a fantasy for him. Nothing else.
Be strong. Be more free minded to accept the situation.
And lastly dont tell this or discuss it with anyone.

[Asker]

He will eventually leave his girlfriend whether two weeks, two months, two years, or twenty years. That much I am certain about. I just can't expect him to leave her for me.

[Okayboss]

Then don't entertain him.
He is harmful for your mental health.
Try to avoid his presence by any means.

[Neeceeb7]

The truth is always the right way to go. I would want to know if it was my son. I had to tell him I had gone out with a friend of his from school. I didn't know they knew each other till after. But still told him.

[Anonymous]

You are acting like a 20 year old teenager when you really aren’t one. I was already about 10 when my mom was your age. Why don’t you leave the whole family alone and just leave? You sleeping with him is not gonna change his mind about you. You are just a hookup and he’s eventually gonna cut you out of his life anyway

[Syrian_survivor]

I like how half the opinions here are from thirsty guys who loved reading the title and didn't even bother to read the whole story.

[bustsimultaneously]

That's actually a very hot story... I was almost exactly in the same position as the son except it was my friends mom... I was 19 .. she was mid 30s... and wild... it was so hot... we hooked up a few more times and then she met a rich older man and they disappeared in the sunset... still haven't told my friend... I'm 39now

[Jesse0]

That's why you don't do what feels right, instead do what is right. You're letting this guy cheat on his girlfriend.

[Asker]

I hate myself for being the other woman. If it wasn't me it would be someone else though. He is making the decision to cheat as it takes two people to cheat. He is attractive so it would not have been hard for him to find another cheating partner. He just had his eyes set on me for so long and with me going through my hard break up it was the perfect situation for him to get what he wanted.

[Warmapplecrumble]

You need to talk to the girl and check for STDs.

I really doubt you are the only woman he's doing this with.

[22707]

If you're both consenting adults what's the problem? It's none of your friends business unless you make it hers.

[Kaazsz]

I don’t think it’s a big deal. Stop beating yourself up over it. You did nothing wrong.

[Anonymous]

I think you should tell her.

You can't be friends with someone properly with secrets like that between you.

He wasn't a child he is an adult and he is responsible just like you for the consequences of his actions.

[GuidoThePizzaMaker]

Don't do it! Don't don't don't!
It would be a huge mistake and ruin her relationship with you and her son
It can potentially damage his family

[GuidoThePizzaMaker]

You gotta die with some secrets, this is one of them, Distance yourself from this family. Time will heal these wounds.
The kid used you for sex, get over it.
He saw a beautiful woman, in a vulnerable state, and knew he could get some.

[selfdestruction]

This is fake. If it’s not fake then you have issues.

[Destinyjean]

You already slept with her son. There's nothing you can do that's going to be worse than that. I'd tell her.

[Bananaman177]

Women should not even be allowed to say the WORDS, "best friend."

[bulletbob555]

Just accept it for the good time and its not gonna turn into anything. There is no reason to tell it won't help. Just cause more problems. If you have to tell anyone tell a priest he not supposed to tell anyone else

[Seket]

His mother has to know. Just brace for emotional impact.

[STR8ANSR89]

IF you're BOTH ADULTS THEN ITS YOUR BUSINESS AND IT WOULD BE IMATURE FOR HER TO RESENT YOU FOR THAT

[Paul09]

Must be forbidden pleasure. A reason they call it forbidden. Stay away from that trap. Kind of like I want to hook up with my friends wives lol. I could fantasize, just never will I take action.

[Cocacolaaddict]

You should definitely come clean tell his mum at least but stop with the victim act your just as guilty as he is face what youv done with dignity own up to it and come clean

[Asker]

I do not feel like the victim. I chose this. I just did not expect to feel the amount of guilt I feel.

[Cocacolaaddict]

Guilt is natures way of saying youv done wrong and by nature I mean your mind your body seeing as its creation was part of nature your conscious is letting you know you erred

[betaTester]

nice masturbation fantasy lol
only upvote comment saying " My ex was like you. Looked younger than she was"
😂😂😂

[Dallas10171]

I would say just break the relationship, because it's not good for both of you, the age gap is too big

[loves2lick]

Guilt ha. Why now if it werel sat my best friends daughter that would be all sorts of not good for a friendship

[Imcmullan]

She's not guilty, she's salty bc he chose his girl over her

[Asker]

@Imcmullan he hasn't chosen his girl yet but I am prepared that it is likely he would. I knew that going in.

[brunettegirlxx]

Lmao you still want to be serious with this guy huh? You have about 0.05% succeeding. Why did you even make this post? For us to tell you it is ok that you want you want to sleep with kids half your age?

[Imcmullan]

@brunettegirlxx or it's to make her feel ok for sleeping with someone elses man
She gets no sympathy from me. This is what she deserves for doing this to not only her best friend but to another womans man. She doesn't feel guilt... she feels salty it isn't going her way😑
She should stick around so he can continue to treat her like the inexperienced little girl she's portraying. Weak women annoy me.

[Asker]

@brunettegirlxx nope, my question is should I come clean to those I betrayed or not?

[Imcmullan]

No, waddle in your own self inflicted misery.
U will only do more damage bY saying something-DAH.

[loves2lick]

Ok either this kid is a donkey or you want someone to train to be your perfect sex boy

[loves2lick]

Jerry Jerry

[Asker]

I don't need or want a sex boy

[Asker]

@Imcmullan so let the girlfriend continue to think her man is completely devoted to her when he clearly isn't?

[Imcmullan]

@Asker first, you are a catalyst in his behavior... n lets not act like u want to tell her to help her out... also their relationship isn't your business🙄

[Asker]

@Imcmullan I do want to tell her to help her out. I have been in her shoes where I suspected and wanted answers. I know what that feels like. I have nothing to gain here by telling her other than to feel like a somewhat decent human being by fessing up to my part of the mistake.

[brunettegirlxx]

No don't tell anyone anything to his girlfriend because she's gonna be disgusted with the whole thing. What you had with that man was just a nightstand and nothing more. Why do you wanna ruin other people's lives? Is that gonna make you feel better and make him come back to you? no.

[brunettegirlxx]

unbelieveable

[Asker]

@brunettegirlxx I don't want him to come back to me. She should know he has been cheating on her. I would want to know, wouldn't you? Or would you rather continue thinking your man was 100% devoted to you when he wasn't?