How did you know?

[BabyOranges]

How did you know it was time to separate/divorce?

Me (F22) and my husband (M23) have been together for 5 years married for 2 years. We started out strong but it's been dying down the past three years and it keeps getting worse. I was kind of hoping that getting married would kind of like light another fire in him but it's just gotten worse. he's rarely affectionate and not very physical, even with the everyday touch like hugs etc. He used to be so lovey dovey and I loved it. Physical touch is my main love language and Im not getting any of it. I communicate how I feel and he'll change for like a week or two, it's been a cycle for about 3 years now and it's honestly making my depression worse and I don't know what to do. It literally makes me cry when I think about it. I've also just kind of gotten used to not being touched or anything, like I get so excited when he cuddles me at night even tho he's asleep and it makes me so happy and feel euphoric until I remember he doesn't even know that's he's cuddling me and that he's asleep. I try not to dwell on it. I don't know if this is grounds for a divorce but I'm communicating like my therapist has told me too for a few years now. I love this man so much but I also feel myself just slipping away from him and it breaks my heart. I need advice or something, I don't know what to do anymore. I've also brought up to him that I've been feeling distant and I feel myself slipping and I sobbed while I told him, he then fixed the issue for 2 weeks and it's been the same for 2 months again.

Oh I want to add that we're in an open marriage, and everytime I see someone else even if it's not sexual I feel like shit cause it reminds me that I don't get it at home. He also sees other people, we've both only have gone out with someone like a few times we don't do anything very often with other people. My reason is because I just want him and his is cause he works a lot. Im not sure if that'll help with the advice y'all give.

[Oliverlogan263]

Aw man, that's such a tough situation you're going through. I can tell this is really hurting you and taking a toll on your mental health. It's awesome that you're being open and communicating with your husband about how you feel, but it's really messed up that he's not putting in the effort to make things better.

The whole open marriage thing adds a whole other layer of complexity too. I can see how that would just make you feel even more disconnected from your husband, especially when he's getting that physical/emotional intimacy elsewhere. That must be really painful.

Honestly, it sounds like you've been trying your best to make things work for a long time now. The fact that he only changes for a week or two after you talk to him, and then goes right back to the same distant behavior, is a big red flag. It seems like he's just not putting in the work to meet your needs and rebuild that connection.

I know you love him so much, but at a certain point, you gotta start thinking about what's best for your own well-being. If the constant emotional rollercoaster and lack of affection is really worsening your depression, then you may need to start considering separation or divorce. As hard as that would be, you can't keep sacrificing your own mental health.

My advice would be to have one more really honest, vulnerable conversation with him. Lay it all out on the table - how you're feeling, how the lack of intimacy is impacting you, and that you need to see genuine, sustained change if the relationship is going to work. If he's still unwilling to put in the effort, then you may have to start thinking about walking away, as painful as that is.

You deserve to be with someone who makes you feel loved, appreciated and cared for. Don't be afraid to put yourself first, girl. Wishing you all the strength in the world as you navigate this.

[Danny_dan92]

Divorce




Otherwise ask him why he’s changed.