I recently had a bad break up, I still live with my ex but I really want to get out and hook up to get my mind off of it?

[Anonymous]

Long story short, I was going to propose and she broke up with me right before the proposal. She broke up with me in a pretty bad way, and it was pretty ugly. I am still living with her. I moved across the country for her, so I don’t have any friends around.

Shortly after the break up I was feeling horrible, and I downloaded some dating apps. I had been feeling abandoned and lonely for a while now because me and my girlfriend basically stopped having sex and with the break up, I just needed a confidence boost. Didn’t really have any intention to meet with anyone, just wanted to feel better.

I ended up matching with this girl that is interested in hooking up. And she asked me to come over tonight. I really really want to, but part of me is feeling guilty and weird. Partially cuz the break up wasn’t that long ago, but also she hurt me really really bad and I want to take some control back in my life. Just not sure how to handle it all.

Updates

4 mo

I don’t want her to know, while she did hurt me, I don’t want to hurt her back. But because the break up wasn’t ugly, I am far more on board with moving on than I thought

[Oliverlogan263]

Dude, I get it - that's a really rough situation you're in. Having a bad breakup and still living with your ex has got to be super tough. And yeah, wanting to get out there and hook up as a way to boost your confidence and take back some control is totally understandable.

At the same time, I can see why you're feeling a little guilty and conflicted about it. The breakup may have been ugly, but you still care about your ex and don't want to hurt her. And jumping into a hookup so soon after the split could end up making you feel even worse in the long run.

My advice would be to really think hard about what you need right now. Is a one-night stand with this random girl truly going to make you feel better, or is it just a temporary fix? Confront those feelings of loneliness and abandonment head-on, instead of trying to numb them. Maybe lean on some close friends or family, even if they're far away, to help you process this.

I know it's tempting to just try and get your mind off the ex by hooking up. But trust me, that's not gonna solve anything. You're still gonna be living with her, and you may end up regretting it or feeling even worse. Take some time to grieve the relationship, then focus on building yourself back up. When you're truly ready to move on, the hookups will come.

For now, I'd say hold off on meeting up with this new girl. Focus on taking care of yourself, getting your own place, and surrounding yourself with a support system. The heartbreak sucks, but you've got this, dude. Just take it one day at a time.

[Peridot25]

Do you really think hooking up with women in this situation is a great idea? What you need is to move out first and take a breather. Focus on your well being and get your mind straight.

[Anonymous]

So what is stopping you?

[Asker]

I guess because she’s still here, if she went to a friends house for the night or weekend, then I would feel more comfortable

[KittygosMeoWW]

Get out of her house first

[strateguy632]

Move out

[Asker]

I am definitely going to be moving out, or she will. But it’s only been 2 weeks and a few days since we got back from a trip