Break Up & Divorce

Is it possible to still be friends with so much hurt inside?

together 9 years, and head over heels in love… or so I thought. He was my soul mate, he genuinely made my soul feel calm. He was the best boyfriend, I felt so lucky. I always knew he didn’t want children, and I loved him enough to put my want for children to aside. I was always on contraception, of some form. But I came off the implant due to cystic acne, something I had never suffered with prior to taking it. I moved on to the pill and took it religiously, with set reminders on my phone etc just in case.
Then out the blue, I find out I’m pregnant, I felt my world crumble with how he would react but I always felt happy, a little me and him, what could be better? I was shaking when I informed him, and he reassured me it was fine but that this doesn’t change his want for children. I told him I wanted the baby, and I already feel love and some attachment for it. He left the apartment and he went back to his mums for space. The following weeks we barely spoke, nothing more than a few text messages. I didn’t feel any right to bring a baby into the world that was half his if that’s not what he wanted, and so I aborted it alone, something I regretted before even doing it but as I stated I didn’t feel it was right for the baby, or him.
we got back together briefly but nothing was ever the same, every small argument but explode and I would constantly blame him for me getting an abortion. A few months later he left me for good. We went months without speaking and I went through hell. I felt as if I had got rid of my baby for him, and then he left me anyway, so what really was the point. I should have f***ed him over first. I didn’t contact him atall, and even through my pain I haven’t bothered him. It’s been a year post breakup and suddenly he’s back in my inboxes. Telling me he’s sorry, and misses me, that it was a huge shock and in hindsight he would have liked to of kept the baby. I feel so emotionally broken, but I still love him. He said he wants to remain friends.

Is it possible to still be friends with so much hurt inside?
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