How do I let go of my boyfriend without hurting him?

[Anonymous]

Hi everyone,
I ( 30f) i have been struggling a lot lately and don’t really know who to talk to. A couple of years ago, I moved to the states two years back ( for reasons i can't post here ). A close family friend let me stay with him ( 32 M) while I got on my feet. we became really close, and eventually started dating. He’s helped me through so much: getting a bank account, a driver’s license, and applying for jobs. He’s been my biggest support system. He drove to me during my panic attacks.

But lately I feel like I’m falling apart. I got two job offers that ended up not working out. I’m studying for the USMLE, but my brain feels foggy and stuck. Even small things like getting out of bed or going downstairs feel like a huge task. I’m constantly exhausted and overwhelmed.

I carry this heavy guilt, like I’m not doing enough, like I’m just taking up space in someone else’s life. He’s an amazing person and I keep thinking he deserves better than someone who’s just… like this. Oh God i love him so much but he deserves so much better. I don’t have much support outside of him, i don't want to do this to him anymore and I’m scared I’m starting to lose myself. I'm scared. I'm so scared.

[Anonymous]

Ok well first things first, it’s his choice. So you let him decide if he’s ok w you ok not as far as how he feels. Part of me thinks you’re just saying that because deep down you don’t want to be w him. I think you’re thinking that you’re kissing out on what else could be out there. Because you came to the states, I’m sure you didn’t go off on your own. Go out on your own. Go to bars, clubs, etc. So all you’ve ever really known is him. Maybe I’m wrong but something tells me you’re just looking for a way out of this relationship by saying it’s you. If he’s happy w you he’s happy, let it be his choice. Don’t make that choice for him. Now if you’re looking to explore your options, get out there, see what else life has to offer you, then be honest w him.

[Effably]

Not to point out the obvious but it sounds like you are experiencing considerable stress and that you are worsening it by instead of acknowledging that you need a walk and proper sleep, doubt yourself and self-sabotage.

My advice us to not let go at all. Share your worries and how stressed you are. And then figure out how to cope with it. Maybe you are doing too much. Maybe you are pressuring yourself too much. Maybe you're starting to suffer burnout from never having mental rest.

You do not need to dump the guy. You need help managing your anxiety and building healthy habits to relax with.

If you still want to dump him I don't really care too much so hey, just rip the bandaid off. Blame your studies. But come on. You need a week of good sleep. Exercise. Food. A few hours a day of mind-stimulating and fun. You do not need to isolate and rob yourself of your safety.

[RHK36]

Like a band-aid, be quick and don't hesitate. The sooner and with clarity let him go and move on. I didn't read all that because it doesn't matter. You want to move on so do it already and don't chicken out. If you don't then don't complain about your life because you enjoy the drama then.

[slatyb]

It's for him to decide if he wants to continue the relationship. It sounds like you do.

[PeterLegg91]

Your depressed see a Dr