I broke up with my boyfriend and cannot forget about us?

[Carina0]

I know it's a really classic question but that's the first time I'm experiencing that kinda break up. We've been dating for a year and most of the time I was away. It was long distance but we were both okay with it. But for summer I returned to the city. And he was busy while moving to a different house and working so we couldn't meet a lot. I tried to be understanding because I knew he was having hard time but the part what bothered me that he couldn't even meet me for just an hour while after work he would spend all night with his friends and wouldn't text me till he got home. Mostly at 1 am. When he gets the chance during the day he would text me telling how his day going and how much he misses me and tells me he loves me but without showing that it was pointless. And when I repeatedly told him how this makes me feel unvalued and it was disrespectful to me he would simply say that he's really busy and his friends need him. But at the mean time I needed him too but he just ignored me. And I didn't rush before ending this. I thought about it over a week and at some point you do realize that's the thing you have to do or you're gonna lose your self respect. So I finally broke up with him four days ago. And I completely shut down myself after. I thought that was the man I was gonna spend the rest of my life with and honestly I'm mad because it feels like he forced me to leave those dreams and everything. I'm not quite sure how to explain it or how to deal with this pain. I know I did the right thing for myself but I miss him a lot.

[loveslongnails]

You may not want to hear this right now because you're hurting but call it "tough love" because you did this to yourself. Everybody has a first time, a first one, first break-up. It's usually the one that hurts, and the one you never forget, but it's also the most instructive lesson you'll get looking back on it.

* What do you mean "You MISS HIM a lot"? You hardly saw him... ever. It was all long distance, texts, video calls probably, etc., and no real time.
* The dreams of your life together and that "he was the ONE" were your dreams, your fantasy, not a shared one. * You built it up in your head that you would come to the city in the summer and everything would work out like you dreamed. When it didn't, you felt devastated.

Perhaps he lied to you outright about how much he wanted to be with you, or perhaps he lied by omission. Based on what you've said, I'd wager that you took any glimmer of his attention to mean he was ready to "love you". He never thought of you that way, as evidenced by his actions. I give you a LOT of credit for finally dumping him, despite your pain.

Going forward, please recognize this about men: when a man really wants to see a woman, and be with her, and spend time with her, he MAKES time. He chooses her over hanging out with his friends. I don't know how old he is, but that would be rare behavior for a guy in his early to mid-twenties. At that age, girlfriends are usually "add-ons", not priorities.

Knowing that, wait till a man's behaviors, all his behaviors not his words alone, indicate that he wants you as much or more than you want him. If you don't see that behavior, don't hope it into existence, or dream that it will happen. That way, you won't set yourself up for heartbreak. The trick is to learn to stay "open" enough to let it happen and recognize if and when it does. If you shut down emotionally and mentally, nothing good will EVER happen. Ever.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Sounds like a complicated situation, it seems he has been busy but at the same time used that to slack off on remaining in contact with you, how long did you wait for him to adjust to all the changes and stuff?

[DishLady]

You've only been "together" a year (long distance) and you thought this was your lifelong love? No, it wasn't. And he wasn't making that time for you? He was just keeping you on the hook.

When a guy says he's busy it means he's too busy to bother WITH YOU. So leave him alone. Don't ever chase that guy. I know a guy who sits around listlessly after 10pm most nights but he claims he's a very busy guy... ok, YOU GO BE BUSY and leave me alone. Never lower yourself to that guy's level.

He contacts you at 1am means he had his fun, fucked whoever he's going to fuck and is now permitting you to entertain him after hours. Don't allow it.

He didn't force you to do anything. He was a dbag. Dump the guy and the pain. Look for the next guy. Period.

[Anonymous]

Did u do anything that made them distance themself? Something happened definitely

[Carina0]

No I don't think so

[Opinion Owner]

Something happened. people distance themselves when the one who hurt them does not take accountability

[Opinion Owner]

Why do u love him

[bowenw]

It doesn't sound like he was head-over-heals in love with you based on how he never seemed to have time for you.

[Carina0]

I think he loves me but he's too coward to take some responsibility because that was always the problem. That's why I am so mad. after a certain point, the more I respected him, the more he devalued me. I saw how much it hurt when I broke up with him, I know he was sincere in what he said and in his apology but after he made me feel I can't forgive him. And that anger is hurting me rn

[bowenw]

There are often different phases to a break up including anger. Don't blame yourself for how he behaved. Try to be thankful it ended now rather than after many years so you can start the process of moving on while you are still young.

[Bklynbadboy12]

I just seems like things have run its course with you and him. I know it's hard but move one its just not worth it