Did you ever have an ex that pretty much killed your confidence?

[Finchie40]

Towards the end of my marriage with my ex , she started criticizing me , belittling me, comparing me , made me feel like I was no longer good enough , after I had my gall bladder removed , I put on a little bit of weight , and she would knock me down with remarks making me feel like I wasn’t good looking anymore , so I threw in the towel on her disrespectful ass , but now that I am back on the dating world , I don’t feel as confident as I used to to be , i become my own worst enemy to the point I don’t really put myself out there anymore , I don’t feel as good as I once was , I know my ex is a selfish POS person , but how do I rebuild confidence in myself? At times I feel like I need a girl to come sweep me off of my feet for once. Have you ever experienced this with an ex before , that pretty much played a big part on killing your confidence?

[sage2021]

My suggestion would be to give yourself permission to love yourself for who you are right now, because none of us are promised another tomorrow.

Self-confidence has to come from within yourself - other wise they would call it other people's confidence right?

Perhaps it's time to reexamine your life and yourself. I did that when I was 37 and it changed my life and my thinking for the better.

I read a lot of self-help books (no cellphones back then), listened to cassette tapes in my car on my way to work that had positive affirmations on it.
I also went to a 12-step program for adult children of alcoholics even though I wasn't raised by anyone who drank, it's safe to say they had other means of getting high. It affected me more than I thought. I didn't do drugs or drink alcohol and have been straight all of my life, but I didn't grow up in a house and come out unscathed of what went on in my house.
I worked on myself for a few years doing this. It started when I decided that I wasn't going to date anyone for one year. No chaos and no distractions. Then the hard work began. It wasn't easy but it was working for me and everyone at work and my son noticed the huge difference in me. Not that I was in need of help or acted strange or anything like that. But I just wanted to improve on who I was already.
If you are serious about your question you might give this some thought. 🤔

Personally I haven't ever had anyone try to destroy me like you have. I've never been put down like that by anyone. But I can imagine what that would be like. If someone were in try pulling that on me, I would just let it roll of my back because I know better. People like you ex do what they call projecting. That's when they take what's wrong with them and twist it onto the other person.
That might be worth a Google search because I am not explaining it very good.
Keep your chin up and your chest out and walk proud of who you are already and I think that you are a good person. I really do. You have a good heart and not everyone has that attribute but you do.
You'll be fine!! 🧡

[Noredcarpet]

I have while being in a relationship with him allowing a family member of his say bad stuff to me about my weight and wardrobe while he said and did nothing to object. His focus was on my weight and for it to come off as soon as possible and they obviously thought it was in their right to tell me what to do or not, only I never asked for their stupid advice. I was able to block them out and do things my way which I had trust in would work and in the long run too. Their way was putting my health more at risk. I would refuse to sleep with him during a long time and to be truthful he did not look too good in my eyes no more as I wss not mentally any more attracted to him the way I used to. Me not sleeping with himno more is what hit home with him and some time later I told him why.

I think attraction is for me both mental and physical and we have different standard on what body type we are attracted to but it does not mean anything if we are not attracted to them mentally, the mentally takes the drivers seat. How you look could be great to someone else as they are not your ex. You should proberbly move around in places where you see all kinds of shapes to get a more kind view of yourself, that is what I did, on the beach.

So sorry she was like that and at a time when you already had it tough as it was. The way this was done to you is emotional abuse.

[Noredcarpet]

If I can add you need to think that everyone got something and lets say your wife was not pointing it out and you were with someone who did not see it that wsy then it would not get stuck, hurt ypu this way.

[Noredcarpet]

So u have to know that her take is not everyone elses. I can be mean when I want to and I ended up ssying that I had weight that and more but my ex always made me feel beutiful and would never ssy, treat me like that. So I made the other guy feel small too but he and his family member needed to get the picture that how they were treating me was not okey by any means.

[Finchie40]

I eventually realized she was toxic and a selfish POS person , , it just took me awhile to realize it because this came out of no where , she was always sweet and loving to me but she changed on me like a flip of a switch after all the time we were together , so of course when someone you think loves you , starts criticizing you and belittling you and comparing
You to other people , it’s abuse , her words and actions eventually made me not want to be near her anymore but the other part of me still loved her and I wanted our family
, so I tolerated a lot of her shit to the point I couldn’t anymore , and realized I deserve way better than this shit

[Noredcarpet]

Yes I get it. You are vulnerable at first as u loved her and wanted to be what she was attracted too, I felt something on that scale too but then I got mad. He at least apologized and we had to go through this procedure of healing from it. As for the family member of his it was a usual sick game to put women down. Saw more examples of it.. If u are seriously kickin on someone who is down, vulnerable at a time when u should understand, show compassion, or u want them down no matter it says more about them than you.

[Noredcarpet]

Anyhow take it step by step to change your mindset. I was not that crotical of myself or others no matter my weight, scars. what ever and hadn't been exposed to anyone saying such things and thinking it was ok. If u think about it u can make up anything to think that is good looking or that's not about everything. I have gotten compliments too on the body on parts I never thought was worth complimenting. This way I thought even if I did not like it someone else does or at least don't think there is something wrong with it.

[Finchie40]

I gained a little bit of weight after
My surgery but o didn’t
Gain a shit ton of weight from it , i eventually realized she was just using that as her excuse for being selfish POS person , because other girls’ a lot prettier than her have been flirting with me. But it took that to happen for me to realize it wasn’t me , it was her. Before other girls’ were Flirting with me, I took what my ex said to heart , thinking I must not be attractive, I must be fat and disgusting, , so my focus went right to trying to lose the extra pounds , even though I knew
I didn’t gain that much weight , My doctor told me not to work out because I could mess myself up more so I told my ex to Go fuck herself , and told her she isn’t my doctor , I said if you don’t love me anymore than leave , don’t sit here and and criticize me and belittle me and compare
Me, because I will start doing the same shit to you , to see how you like it
Because you definitely aren’t a model whatsoever. She didn’t like that whatsoever and I didn’t care at that point
Because she was doing this to me
For quite sometime to the point I kicked her to the curb where she belongs.

[Noredcarpet]

Good! That's the spirit, seriously I mean it. You had clarity when looking at your body and you followed doctors advice. I knew too what was best for me. You were still the gentleman not to do her back, but only threatening to do so. I said nothing wrong with his body but mentally I meant it I was not attractive to him anymore because of what, how it was said and the attitude from his fsmily friend. I told straight off that is not how I am used to hearing ftom guys overall and never something accepted where I come from, and I've heard a lot. How could it be accepted to talk to women like that in his family and him doing nothing to show his disgust about it? I too knew it was not so bad as I was told, and hey, there were no doctors on their side, doctors would agree with me and other experts. I think too you showed respect for your body by listening to what the doctors said. She should have too. So you do know you could get others girls, try to think of them instead and the right attitude they had. The only way your ex wins this is if u agree with her. U didn't then, don't do it now, u know better than she did. U did nothing wrong in the situation like she did. She couldn't even apologize, mine had tears in his eyes when he understood and felt ashamed.

[BADGER44]

YES. SURE HAVE AND JUST RECENTLY had a girlfriend talk bad about me at doctors visit. she wasn't even goin go in. til last second. she was there as she was my ride. and to take notes sometimes. not no more. she crushed me with her statement she made to a woman doctor. i think she was jelious. the doctor is very pretty. she had to take me down a peg. she did. dont know what she thought like the doctor was going to be interested in me. not a chance. no idea why she had to embarass. me... women can be cruel.

[HampferStick]

Women are trash. They have been trained by mainstream media and their feminist spaces how it is the world's fault and men's fault for every imperfection women have. When it is about men's improvement, we get told to be this and that, workout, etc. When it is about women's improvement, they get told how they are perfect they are, how it is everyone's fault, etc.

[RubyRed12343]

Self improvement is not a gender thing. If someone actually wants to get better, they’ll try to improve not seek validation on the internet. And in real life, no one is perfect. People might hype others up and make them feel perfect but away from the phone? outside the house? Nope. Not perfect. No matter how much people talk about perfection everyone still has flaws. And honestly, I think it’s unsettling to be perfect anyway. It’s more human to be flawed. That’s just how I see it

[XHopelessRomanticX]

My ex husband. When we were dating, everything was great. He would send me flowers, we would write love letters to each other, we would talk on the phone for hours. I didn’t notice any red flags and neither did my parents.
We got married March 2025. Then it was like a switch flipped. He became inattentive. He was never interested in sex. Whenever he got mad he would start calling me a bitch or a cunt, said he hated me, said marrying me was the worst mistake of his life. He divorced me 3 months after. We never had a honeymoon, never celebrated any birthdays together, never celebrated any holidays. I never really got a chance to be a wife. It was as if everything suddenly meant nothing.

[Finchie40]

Sorry to hear that , he sounds like a complete asshole , so be thankful that relationship is over

[XHopelessRomanticX]

Thank you. I’m thankful that it’s over. I do still struggle with anger and grief sometimes.

[RubyRed12343]

I also had a very depressing past relationship. I used to take his words like the Bible whatever he liked, whatever he didn’t. Everything he said affected me somehow. I saw him as right, always perfect. But when he started to lose interest? there was nothing I could do. I couldn’t impress him, and he became more judgmental and rude. I started to feel like I was the problem, that it was me, that I wasn’t enough. Then we broke up. I met different people, and I realized that shit is nowhere near perfect now. So his opinions don’t matter anymore. I don’t see them as valid, because he wasn’t perfect anyway. I’d say meet people? Even just friends. Meeting people reminds you that the world is big, and that other people’s opinions aren’t that powerful. Is she better? Is she flawless? Is there nothing wrong with her? Dare I say, perfect?

[Finchie40]

She isn’t perfect at all , that’s why I was shocked by how she was treating me towards the end , it’s like she changed on me big time to someone I no longer knew , she became very selfish and treated me like I didn’t matter

[RubyRed12343]

Then she doesn't matter either. Try to mingle or meet new people, that would maybe help you change environment? Maybe find someone that could be a friend? Or just maybe try to relax and take care of your mental health, thats what I would honestly care for most.

[queenofcardio]

Sorry about that. I hope you get your confidence back

[TallLoney]

Never been in a relationship, but dating has definitely ruined mine. Being mocked, laughed at, told I was just too scary to date. Ghosted, used for a dinner then ghosted.

Then when I ask girls I know about dating they just tell women don't owe you anything.

So, now I don’t bother. 36, never been kissed and lonely as shit.

[Finchie40]

Sorry to hear

[Anonymous]

Yes I have an ex who never even compliments me and always say Im less attractive than my friends. But he always say they are prettier and he will always say but she doesn't love me so I chose you so it gave me an idea that he just settled and also killed my confidence because he never made me feel beautiful.

[Finchie40]

He sounds like a toxic POS , exempt him out of your life completely

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah I ghosted him is that bad of me?

[AgentG111]

Yeah once and after that never let another person have that control over me

[BCRanger10]

Yes, the girl I broke up with just a few months before I came here.

[ABC1x1x]

Nope. Im still friends with all my exes and all my other exes I was set up by exes.

[robocop666]

Your ex sounds seriously fucked up. I am sure you tell her.

[Finchie40]

Oh yes , she is fucked in the head

[robocop666]

how did she start off nice then just go nuts? like really nuts

[Finchie40]

Mental illness

[Brady]

Just think that everyone's not like her.

[NathanDavis]

nope... I don't hate myself that much

[Anonymous]

No, I never had an ex, or a relationship.